[It’s Here] Two 85 years Olds Made Me Do This…

[It’s Here] Two 85 years Olds Made Me Do This…

It took me awhile but I am finally ready to do it.

You’ve inspired me. I see that you can follow guidance and that you are so totally frustrated with your life NOT changing.  So completely done with setting a goal and something getting in the way.

I am in love with your desire and WILLINGNESS to change.

It’s not the money you want, honey. It’s the freedom. It’s the ability to leave the “placeholder” job that is paying the bills but you drag your feet there every day, week after week.

It’s the freedom to decide your sleep schedule, your work schedule and your travel schedule. Or let me re-phrase, it’s HAVING a travel schedule that you can decide.

I’ve been on 3 oceans in 3 months – off all 3 coasts of the continental U.S. I work from my laptop and my phone.  I’ve found a wealth in my life right now that still surprises me some mornings when I wake up at 9:30. My life is possible for you and your family.

So what could I do to help you get there? I’ve found a way to coach you in Alpha Group Coaching that you can afford. What’s triggered this right now? Why am I putting so much into it?

In the last 3 weeks, I’ve just met two ladies turning 86. One is a nearby neighbor. Sometimes I see her outside on her walker. It is so painfully slow for her to just get to her mailbox.  I came over and met her. She lives alone and gets her food 3 days a week from Meals On Wheels (a food charity for seniors).

I can’t tell you how grateful I felt for my body and being half her age as I walked away. “I still have time…” I thought.

Contrast that with just a week before, when  I met my new friend, J. She is an ALPHA. She is a dynamo. Healthy and bright and funny and amazing.

She’s a multi-millionaire and still learning and growing. And… she is alone, having never married and had no children. No family. Success without love.

Why? Because she had the SAME problems current Alphas have, struggles with men. And she gave up.

THAT did it. I am now TOTALLY determined to have love in my life, along with freedom and money to serve my needs now. I am TOTALLY clear on how much more aggressively I need to take care of my health NOW (I do NOT want to be on a walker.) 

I can look at my friends who are 15 years older and I want them HEALTHIER! I want them here LONGER. I can see them approaching their health more casually as they age and it frightens me.

As you age, are you MORE accepting of the extra weight? The tight budget? The roommate marriage? The knowing what to do but NOT doing it? 

I have to find a way to reach MORE Alphas NOW. What you do NOW will determine what you do and do not regret when you are in your 80’s (or if you even GET THERE).

We don’t have time for you to figure this out next year or after the kids leave school or when you magically have that “other income” to make it easier.

Now. Sweetheart, you have to go now.

I created Alpha Group coaching for you. You belong in a small group of Alphas that may not know “how” to hit the reset button on their life but they know when – NOW. I will guide and protect you.  

I’m doing my best to bring what I have learned about us as Alphas to as many as I can reach.

What does a group give you? Puts you together with other Alpha Women who are still in some part of their struggle and you all learn to stop struggling

TOGETHER. There is great power in community. Hell, Alphas need to learn how to — USE a community of women well. Women you can truly trust.

I want you to tackle this crazy stuckness in your business.  It IS you and we can change that stuck to momentum if you are ready. If you want it. If you’ll sacrifice right freakin’ now for it.

I want you to deal with your home life because you can’t thrive with your relationships out of whack. That struggle shows up everywhere. That struggle energy is being woven throughout your WHOLE life to make you deal with it.

What if you respected your mate, he cherished you and supported your business? What could you do THEN? What if you loved your body and set a healthy example for your kids?

What if you knew what to do to grow your business and you…ACTUALLY DID THAT?

And after experiencing the tale of two 85 year olds, we are going to add in some health accountability. If you aren’t sleeping, not eating healthy foods, carrying extra weight you’re “gonna deal with someday” – how can you sell whatever you are selling?? People buy from happy healthy people.

People are only ever buying YOU. If you are still stuck, still struggling and feeling like a fraud when you compare what you SAY and KNOW to what you DO and EARN, then come with me love.

It’s time honey. Come on over. Hit reply and say “More” and we’ll get you more info and let you know if & how you fit the group I’m building.

This group will specifically focus on MAKING MONEY WITH LESS STRUGGLE.

Yes, you can afford it. It’s half the price of my private coaching and gives you 3 hours of coaching a month, plus enough private time to tackle your most sensitive issue with me 1 on 1.

We start soon. You have no time on this. I don’t want a huge group because I really show up for my Alphas and I’m not going to stretch myself too thin.

You want freedom. You want to wake up happier. You want money to flow in your business. You want to feel better about the man in your bed at night. You want to NOT avoid your naked self in the mirror.

Then you want Alpha Group Coaching.

9 months and I’ll change your life and your satisfaction is guaranteed. (Yep, no money at risk with me.)

I love you and I’m waiting to answer your questions.

Hit reply, take a deep breath and type “More” and I’ll show you how to get where you are going.

We’ll all go together

Hurry.

P.S. Alpha Group Coaching is Now Enrolling. A small group of Alphas will have my time, my brain and my heart. What can’t a group of motivated Alphas achieve by the end of the year? Bring your big goal baby.  I’m here. The price is right (50% less than private) and the time is NOW. (Space is limited.) You coming?

[It’s Here] Two 85 years Olds Made Me Do This…

[Focus Mag] Productive Delay – The Safest Way to Fail

Our FOCUS:

So, I’m sitting on a couch in a coffee shop needing to write about delay. I have been talking to the guy on this couch with me for HOURS and would like to convince myself that that is NOT delay. HA!

This is Serendipity! I am SO enjoying the conversation and time is just slipping by…

Arrrrggh, Welcome to the Training on DELAY!!

Thema Davis, Pepperdine University

Psychology Professor & Minister

Say NO to distraction, so you can say YES to your destiny.

Today’s Topic: Productive Delay

>First a definition of Delay

Delay is anything that blocks, thwarts, diverts or slows your progress on a worthwhile goal.  For Alphas, delays are COVERT AFFAIRS you carry on with that other thing while your “real thing” is left on pause.

>How we use Delay – to Avoid what feels hard, unclear or scary

We use delay but still want to stay productive (because we love getting things “done”) while we avoid our true work.

The doing of something other than your highest priority is a DELAY.

I once dated an entrepreneur who NEVER went into his factory. His staff couldn’t even get him on the phone. During a stressful part of our relationship where I foolishly mentioned we should “talk”, he began working 14 hour days, 6 days a week!

He RAN from me into his work. (And yes, his ego would’ve considered THAT the lesser of the two evils!). THAT is Productive Delay.

Here’s what you need to notice, he could defend going to work. Going to work in general is a good thing. Hell, he NEEDED to go into work. But here? He was using work as a Productive Delay. His fear of tackling our “issues” was greater than his fear of the messes his employees were making.

>The Anatomy of a Productive Delay

That brings us to the important components of a Productive Delay:

1. Socially desirable/praiseworthy
2. Important and
3. Logical BUT
4. IT DOESN’T FURTHER THE ORIGINAL GOAL

The Productive Delay is seductive. If you mention what you are doing or diverting to do to someone, because it is socially acceptable or desirable, they will SUPPORT you! They will not realize they should tell you to STOP it and go back to your real work.

>Why Delay is So Dangerous for Alphas

We are PRODUCTIVE in our delay and we are champions at rationalizing. Productive delay has us and even worse, those AROUND us, thinking we are really “doing something.”

We are applauded. We are praised. We are thanked. And at night, when you are alone with your conscience and your checking account statement, you feel like a FRAUD because you really AREN’T making progress on your goals.

Here are some examples of Productive Delay I have personally seen:

1. Over managing your children
2. Housework
3. Volunteer work
4. Exercising
5. Helping employees/underlings/downlines
6. Extra Degrees
7. The never ending passion project – book, remodel, wayward niece

Here the very interesting Couch Guy next to me is interjecting that caring for your kids IS important. I agree and point to #2 Important and #1 Socially desirable on my screen.

He then says (not kidding) that you do HAVE to do these things (from the list above) at some point and it’s logical… I then scroll and show him #3 Logical! What awesome confirmation!

Productive Delay gives you the illusion of progress and periodically you get a bill with the truth stamped on it.  Your Dreams are OVERDUE.

Yes, you still need to do things like those on the list above. The question is always the motive & timing.

If you are with your kids to avoid work – YOU ARE NOT WITH YOUR KIDS.

If you are at work, feeling guilt about your kids – YOU ARE NOT WORKING.

Productive Delay has us doing other things that are worthwhile on the surface but at the wrong times and for the wrong reasons. Your motive will taint what you are doing. Better for you to tackle head on what is making you avoid your real work.

In case you are wondering, my awesome time with Couch Guy would not be classified a Productive Delay because while my girlfriends might’ve green lit it as socially desirable and I feel a mate possibility is important, even I couldn’t convince myself it was LOGICAL to spend all night in fantastic conversation when I had so much work to do.

Look for your own Productive Delays. What do you use them to avoid doing? And which ones are your “favorites”?

Children are a common one because moms can always say at ANY moment “my child needs me” and NO ONE (ok, no one but me) would DARE question the social desirability of that, the importance of that or the logic of that decision.

Productive Delays work because no one ELSE will question them or view you as procrastinating AND you can pat yourself on the back INSTEAD OF feel cruddy that you aren’t on task.  It’s an evil kind of Win/Win.

Awareness & truth are your friends and best weapons against Productive Delays. Use them to look for this insidious blind spot.

Very Important Bonus Lesson That Occurred Next (aka Couch Guy Continued)

Couch Guy was a friendly introvert and Alpha by the way. Hence my ability to have 3.5 hours of lovely, laugh so hard my face hurt conversation with him. Catch? He is also 26 & moving out of the country to begin an MBA in Spain in 6 weeks. Sigh…

Here is the bonus lesson. I did just what I would’ve advised YOU to do – enjoy the moment you have been given! Yes, I will be up way past midnight (it’s 3 am right now) because I choose to enjoy my faux “date” and I’m proud of me for receiving the joy sent my way without conditioning it!

Alphas are controllers. Could you REALLY let yourself enjoy something with no reserve, that feels just like you always wanted but you know you can’t have it?

It requires trust. Trust that yours is still coming.

In my future life with my Alpha Mate, I’d pictured us on a couch, both working on our laptops and he just KNOWS when I’m talking to him vs talking to myself & shouldn’t be answered. He knows what the different noises I make while working mean! Couch guy and I were in a perfect rhythm by closing time.

Leaving (freakin’ place closes at 10!) in the rain, I felt some sadness & longing and I reminded myself that this was the second amazing man I’d met on the SAME couch in 2 weeks. Real Focus: I’m attracting amazing men! (2^nd Focus: I love that couch! 3^rd Focus: No more sweats to the coffee shop!)

I think of it like a tuning knob. The angel in charge of this is working it out. Twisting the knob a little this way and a little that way. React to your ‘near good’ with – “This is a sign of land, so I’m close!”

The bonus lesson is to focus on your WIN and not your losses.

When you can graciously receive and even more graciously release what is not yours, you demonstrate yourself to be worthy of what IS yours coming to STAY.

Tanya Recommends:

I promised I was unveiling something good that a handful of

you would really want.

Here it is: Group Coaching for Alpha Women

Entrepreneurs.

Lower cost. More time. Reason to delay? None.

Read about it here. It starts soon and it will be a small group, all screened by me (don’t you hate it when there is that ONE annoying person slowing down the whole group? Me too. She is NOT allowed!)

My coaching carries a guarantee. No one else does that.

Check out Group Coaching for Alphas – Now Enrolling

Get It

Best solution to Productive Delay is Prevention. If you let yourself go down one of those rabbit holes, whatever you are now “doing” will suck you in and keep you. It’s like a black hole that is baited with a good deed.

The solution to Productive Delay is to get ruthless about narrowing your focus to what is the one real task you need to do and staying on track for that outcome. Yes, there are times that your work needs to come first and you don’t need to feel guilty about that.   

Motives drive your outcomes. The reason and energy behind your actions show up very strongly in your action and it’s result. Your motive is your deep truth for why you are doing something. In Productive Delay you are lying to yourself about your motive and that lie is what sets the dominoes up to fall the wrong way. The Universe, like a good parent, cannot permit you

to receive rewards for lying. 

Wow, Did You Hear?

Denmark Coach Sends Gratitude

Hello fun and fierce Tanya,

I love your posts. And YOU also (of course!)

I wanted to write a few words for a short testimonial. The 2 times I spoke with you were super helpful and wanted those out there who don´t know HOW AWESOME YOU ARE  what they might be missing.

Tanya is one of those rare women who has the ability to dig deep and truly listen to what is really going on inside you,  and tell you it, in a firm but loving way. The awareness I gained about myself and my old patterns of “squirreling” as she calls it, has helped me to step back and allow myself to ask for guidance instead of trying to “fix” everything and everyone around me.

Talk to Tanya 

Spread the Word!

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?

[Focus Mag] Productive Delay – The Safest Way to Fail

Talk Tanya

My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling 

in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL. 

Click Here to Visit FearlessFocusCoaching

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[Stop Waiting] The Parable of The Banana Bread

Want what you want and if you want it now, figure it out.

I have an opportunity coming next week that maybe 3 or 4 of you are going to REALLY want. You might need to apply the Parable of Banana Bread and refuse to wait for an ‘accidental timing’ to deliver the goodness that you want NOW.

P.S. CONGRATS to Sue, Mike, Nancy & Nicole – my “D” Folks from Wednesday’s second post with Voicemail #6 Corrected Link.

I am giving you four a personal phone training on Taking Action & Momentum this weekend because you TOOK ACTION when faced with an obstacle! 

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Voicemail #6 Tanya’s Answer on Your MOST Needed Skill

Play Voicemail #6 (04:45)

Tanya discusses the answer to this question: If I

could only teach one thing, what is the ONE thing I

would teach to ensure your success & happiness? 

P.S. Listen right now, don’t put it off because odds are good that DELAY = NEVER. 

Voicemail #6 Tanya’s Answer on Your MOST Needed Skill

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[Corrected Link] Voicemail #6 + Bonus Lesson

Corrected Link to Voicemail #6

I use EVERYTHING to teach you! 

I screwed up the link. I’d have done it on purpose had I thought about it…Why? It gave an awesome lesson!

Which Group Did You Fall Into?

A) Hadn’t acted on today’s voicemail, so you didn’t even know the link was wrong

B) Clicked it, saw it was the wrong one and immediately moved on

C) Clicked, saw it was wrong, told me about it

D) Clicked, saw it was wrong, played around for 20 seconds and discovered that if you clicked “Fearless Focus Coaching” it opened the LIBRARY of ALL the Voicemails – got to hear today’s voicemail

If you are one of the 3 people who did D, please write me and let me know. I want to give you something to reward that excellent behavior!

Quick Lesson:

An Opportunity pops up in your life.

(A) folks aren’t paying attention or making room to take action so they MISS IT.

(B) folks spotted the opportunity, but gave up at the first obstacle/difficultly

(C) folks saw it, acted, hit a snag and reported it. I have 2 handfuls of you. Thing to notice? No one said they’d already figured out how to find it OR asked me to SEND it to them. So you alerted me (thank you) and THEN stopped. You were 90% home when you stopped! Where else do you do this?

(D) If you saw the error and put in the effort to fix it yourself so you got what you wanted, when YOU wanted it – bravo! Way to go through the obstacle!

In life, people WILL screw up. Technology WILL fail. Accidents WILL happen. Learn to keep going AROUND other people’s screw ups to get YOUR GOOD Alphas!

Below is the link to my Audio account where all the Voicemails will live. You can catch up on any you’ve missed. You can always click on my “name” Fearless Focus Coaching in the top left corner to reach this page. 

Voicemail #6 & Library of Voicemails

This was a very useful lesson! 

 

[Corrected Link] Voicemail #6 + Bonus Lesson

[Choices] Don’t Finish Bad Cookies!

Don’t Finish Bad Cookies!

Did you know that finishing can be BAD for you?

Shocked Reader: “What?! Seriously Tanya – bait and switch! You are always going on about how Alphas are Great Starters and POOR Finishers! I just got my ‘I FINISH’ tattoo!”

No worries. Finishing is still sacred in my world, however I have to teach you about the exception to the rule.

Don’t finish things that are:

1) Crappy  

2) a Distraction from a prior clear purpose or

3) You should never have started.

Ego tries to get you to do these things because you will fail, spin or never find what you SHOULD be doing.

I started knitting a hat with some beautiful and funky yarn. Turns out, this yarn kept changing sizes from poofy to super thin. It was a royal pain in the arse to knit with. Know what? I stopped. I stopped 2 inches into my hat and said Hell No.  Not gonna do it.

This goes DOUBLE for cookies. I stopped eating “average” desserts. Sugar is bad for you, so why should I waste my precious sugar allotment on average cookies?

Ask Tanya if I’ve got a “Bad Cookie” 

[Choices] Don’t Finish Bad Cookies!

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[Focus Mag] The Power of CAN’T

Our FOCUS:

There is tremendous power in the word ‘can’t’. It’s just not GOOD power. Right now you are probably unaware of how often “can’t” is present in your life and how it’s messing you up, blocking your money health and love.

Let’s explore the world of “can’t” together. We’ll

learn what it REALLY means and how it may be the hidden architect of your current struggles.

I can’t wait to share! (Yes. I DID have to do that

pun! You still love me anyway….)

Henry Ford – American Industrialist &

Founder of Ford

Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.

Today’s TRAINING: The Power of CAN’T

The Power of Can’t

I’m usually focusing on the positive but it is important sometimes to talk about and explore the negative, so you fully understand why you want to stay away from it.

• Can’t versus Won’t
• Can’t Avoids Responsibility
• Examine Your “Can’ts” Suspiciously – Expectations Create
• Immigrants Don’t Know “Can’t”
• Necessity, The Big WHY & “Can’t”
• The Can’t Answer (Cancer)

Can’t versus Won’t

You are having a party and you ask your close friend to come over and she says “Oh, I’m so sorry, I can’t.” OR “I feel like staying in, so I won’t make it.”

It’s almost a rhetorical question to ask you which one of those triggered you. We are a LOT more concerned and upset when people tell us that they WON’T do something, than when they say they CAN’T do something (even if they are lying).

So let’s look at that for a moment. Won’t implies an ability, a choice and a refusal. 

Can’t implies an inability.

The reason we are much better with our friend saying she cannot come is because we assign no responsibility when someone claims an inability.Basically, if you are physically unable to do it or it is impossible to do, we relieve you of responsibility for doing it.

Won’t is getting a bad rap here wrongly, as won’t is the place of power. Alpha, I want you to claim your won’ts (ability & choice) and not your can’ts.

Because we get a free pass from responsibility, blame and feeling uncomfortable when we claim inability – guess what’s happened? Everybody claims INABILITY instead of REFUSAL.

Won’t means you were exercising your choice – to exercise choice is power and remember I teach that the precedent of ALL power is responsibility.

Can’t Avoids Responsibility

I suspect 75%+ of the “can’ts” used in social, work and education are a false inability claimed to avoid responsibility. That’s so important I’m going to repeat that – a false inability claimed to avoid responsibility.

Here’s an example a lot of married women will recognize – or really anybody who’s ever watched a sitcom:

Woman: Honey, can you go downstairs & bring up that pink comforter for me?
Man: I don’t know where it is. (Claiming inability)
Woman: It’s downstairs on top of the piano.
Man: I didn’t see it last time I was down there. (Still claiming inability)
Woman: Can you just go down there and look? (Exasperated)
Man: I don’t see it! (Shouting from the basement)

You know how this ends up. You get up and go downstairs. You walk right to the piano, lift your finger 2 inches and point to the neon pink comforter on top of said piano.  Which he miraculously did not see. If you are smart, you refrain from comments about his vision and snakes biting people.

What happened there? He didn’t really want to do your errand, so he claimed inability. That claim of inability genuinely makes him unable see the damn pink comforter that he doesn’t WANT to see and doesn’t EXPECT to see.

Passive-aggressive people (who drive Alphas insane) LOVE the word can’t! Passive-aggressive acts are often based on claims of false inability to avoid a responsibility someone doesn’t want.

Examine Your “Can’ts” Suspiciously – Expectations Create

We are very sloppy with this dangerous word. Most of the time when you are saying that you cannot – it’s not true. You know this if you have children. If you take the last 10 things they told you they CANNOT do – you know 90% are claims of false inability to avoid responsibility or failure.

You can only teach them to do what YOU are willing to do.

Therefore, examine all of your can’ts suspiciously. You should have a presumption that “I can’t” is an attempt for you to avoid some kind of responsibility. Challenge your cannot’s. Start converting them to won’ts.

You remember my teaching on expectations. These are laws of the Universe. What you expect shapes what you actually receive, because it collapses possibilities and your ability to recognize possibilities. (No pink comforter!)

Truth? Saying can’t is a LOT more comfortable than saying won’t. Just understand the real cost of that comfort.

Immigrants Don’t Know “Can’t”

What does immigrant success have to do with the power of can’t?

Immigrants to any country excel faster than the regular citizens already present because immigrants are usually closer to the direct struggle for survival.

When you are involved in the struggle for food and shelter and basic necessities, the word “can’t” is not in your vocabulary. You simply can’t (funny that I use that word) afford to decline any opportunities, options or offers.

If your mate is offered a job working from 4 AM in the morning to 4 PM, seven days a week in order to feed you and his children – the answer is never “I can’t do that”. The answer is “thank you and when can I start?”

Ignoring whether that is fair or happy, new immigrants are generally in a place where they cannot afford to allow the pretense of inability to block survival. They tend to take more responsibility and they excel. Because they are saying yes to responsibility, they can see more opportunities to say yes to.

Because they know the difference between cannot and will not and choose to seek responsibility – they can excel faster than citizens comfortable with saying “I can’t.”

Necessity, The Big WHY & “Can’t”

Necessity is the mother of invention because extreme need erases a “can’t” mentality.

You would be surprised at what you could do if you really TRULY had to do it. If your life or your children’s lives were on the line – you would be shocked at what you could now do.

Most advancements in the modern way of living came from necessity, which overcomes the desire for comfort and the willingness to say “I cannot”. Immigrants apply this necessity to erase “cannot.” 

The Big Why – You have probably read it at least a half a dozen places that you need to have your big WHY. I’m actually leading a Think and Grow Rich based Millionaire Mastermind starting next week.  In what is the holy grail for millionaires (second most widely owned book by millionaires behind the Bible), author Napoleon Hill calls the WHY the “burning desire”.

The big why is considered critical to success because the big why is the “necessity” that puts you in a mindset of I can, I will, I’ll figure it out.  The big why is your extreme need that overcomes your desire for comfort and moves you toward action, risk & responsibility.

When you’re operating without a deep purpose that’s about you (not about somebody else), when obstacles hit, you start saying “I cannot”.

That burning desire converts your mindset from “I can’t fix that..I can’t worry about that..that’s not my job”  to “I WILL do something now and I don’t need to know HOW.”

The Can’t Answer (Cancer)

While I was working with this material (and pacing) I came around the corner and there it was big as day… Can’t as an answer is just like a cancer.

When you start letting yourself say I can’t in any one particular area of your life, it spreads and it multiplies and that mindset of false inability just rips through your life, spreading weakness & destruction.

Using can’t as an answer spreads. Both hands go up and you take one step back saying, don’t ask me… because I CAN’T. After awhile, that leads to you looking for someone else to blame for all the weakness you feel. (That’s another post.)

Examine your life and start exercising can’t from your vocabulary. It will make you uncomfortable to find a way to tell somebody that you refuse something without stating it is an impossibility to do – figure it out.

Me? I decline without reference to possibility. I may say, “That doesn’t work for me or this isn’t a good fit for me.” The more you can TELL the truth and HEAR the truth, the more powerful you are. Period.  People who cannot hear or tell the truth are weak.

I’ll close with the story of an alpha that I coach. She broke her arm almost 20 years ago. During and post recovery she told herself “I can’t do…” a laundry list of things. Fast forward 20 years and she still CAN’T.

After examination of her “can’ts”, she has just discovered that her long healed arm WILL do things she gave up on 2 decades ago! The Power of Can’t should not be underestimated.

Tanya Recommends:

Many of you need a vacation. Right now. Yet, you would tell me…

Tanya, I just CAN’T.

Yes. You. Can. You won’t.

I recommend you take one day in the next week to have a mini-vacation from your current life. Go alone or bring the family. Go do something different.

Drive to a different part of town. Find a park or museum. Challenge each family member to create a wonderful day plan costing only $20 per person including meals and see who wins. Then DO that!

Don’t tell me what you cannot do. Take a trip. Full day. ½ day. Drive around town. Tell me what you CAN DO to take a break.

Your life is RIGHT NOW. When you are old, you will regret all of your “can’ts” far more than you know.

Talk to Tanya

Start noticing when you and others say, “I can’t” and dig to see if it’s actually a “won’t” disguised as a “can’t” to avoid responsibility.

If you repeat, “I can” 10x in a row you will find that you feel stronger, your pulse speeds up, voice rises and the physical state of your body shifts to get ready to DO something. This is part of our design. Avoid using weakening words when you can use words of power.

If you repeat, “I can” 10x in a row you will find that you feel stronger, your pulse speeds up, voice rises and the physical state of your body shifts to get ready to DO something. This is part of our design. Avoid using weakening words when you can use words of power.

Wow, Did You Hear?

Author & Coach Enjoys Her “VIP Day”

Within just a few hours of working together, Tanya implants a lasting effect. I acquired a new appreciation for the value of my coaching business.

Where before I was fumbling to pull the right words together, Tanya grasped a clear vision of my strengths, abilities, and skills and succinctly gave me the wording to encapsulate my transformative work.

Thanks to her coaching, I have new insight and enthusiasm for my growing coaching business.  I couldn’t be Happier! Thanks Tanya!

~  Debbie D’Aquino,  #1 Best Selling Author, Rapid Results Business Coach & Mindset Mentor

Talk to Tanya 

Spread the Word!

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?

[Focus Mag] The Power of CAN’T

Talk Tanya

My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling 

in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL. 

Click Here to Visit FearlessFocusCoaching

[Change] Why Sucking is AWESOME!

Alphas like to win. 

Ok.  I said like – meant: crave, require, demand and push for. 

At the old gym I’ve left, I was usually one of the top people in my 30 min HIIT (high intensity interval training) class. 

Now? Suckin’ eggs! Coming in slow. 

Since last week:

• I’ve been the bottom of a Hatha Yoga class
• Been the smear on the wall in a Vinyasa Yoga class (which as far as I can tell is Sanskrit for “Fast Ass Kicking”)
• Almost fainted in the Boxing Class (did have good form on my punches!) and 
• Brought up the rear today in my Boot Camp class (but I was fast on my sprints and burpees, if you know what those are).

I was proud to be one of the best dancers in the Dance Mix class, although I don’t know the instructor’s routines yet. 

New. New. And new. 

All my classes are 60 mins, all out. Me? I’ve mastered 30 mins. About 24-29 mins in I want to fade…

The people at my new luxury gym are clearly NOT F’in around with their fitness. No one is “phoning it in.”

Why am I happy that I suck? Because sucking is ALWAYS temporary unless you make it a habit!

I will work HARDER. 

I’ll STAY With it. 

I’ll ASK questions. 

I’ll BUY more cute leggings. (What? It counts. That motivates me!)

Alphas naturally become the large fish in their pond and this is NOT good for you. 

Find a bigger pond, a faster river or better yet a bay off the ocean. 

Go get in over your head. You’ll swim. 
You should always be working on something much BIGGER than you. You should always be doing something that SCARES you. 

We are Bad Asses. Go suck a little. It’s good for you. Trust me. 

(And if you need to, buy new shoes or leggings for emotional support! Except for my Alpha T, who already HAS a Lulu Lemon addiction…). 

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What are you willing to SUCK AT? Let me know!

 

 

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​​​​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Resurrect Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE It ALL.

[Change] Why Sucking is AWESOME!

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[A Moment of Grace…] Peacefulness

A Moment of Grace

I woke up feeling connected and loved.

Unanxious. Unhurried. From this place these words flowed…

A Moment of Grace

If in the light, I see clearly 
a moment of grace

Birds, wild and beautiful going about their day
that I have blessed 
The invisible hand behind the feeder
The heart inside their seeds

A line of sanctuary on my land
welcoming their song and feathers

Fur and claws…their future They let me into their world while I remain safely on my front porch

P.S. If you read The Power of Uncertainty Wednesday, you know I went to the luxury gym. Here’s your update: It was the right choice. I did a boxing and Hatha Yoga class back to back. I did almost faint during the boxing class!

I went all in and pushed myself hard in a too hot room but even that felt good. It felt good to go right to the edge of my limits and HOLD. Noodle arms and all, I made it through yoga next with one too many downward facing dogs.

And yes, in one pose I came up to discover I was facing the rest of the class alone – because I was facing the WRONG way. Damn Warrior 2! (Hello hot man behind me, I am skilled at yoga – NOT!).

Proud of me. The whirlpool, sauna, steamroom combo plus great Arbonne conditioner in my hair made it all up to me! Headed back Friday!

[Peacefulness] A Moment of Grace

[Focus Mag] The Power of Uncertainty

 

Our FOCUS:

The Power of Uncertainty

At 10 p.m. last night, during a phone call with my best friend, our “we can only talk for a minute” call led to me tell her this story.  As the lessons were pouring out of my mouth, I saw it…fudge…there goes another half-finished post…THIS is what I am supposed to share and teach tomorrow!

The power of uncertainty.  I want to give you a reason to stop fearing NOT knowing. To find peace in your pause, when life seems to have you on hold or stuck. You now have a reason to stop struggling at every turn when things aren’t going your way.

Even though it’s late as I write this, I’m excited to share this with you… I love you. Let me know if how this helps you!

Teal Swan, Spiritual Teacher & Child

Abuse Survivor

“You will not win the fight against uncertainty by becoming certain. You will not find your stability by trying to make the unstable, stable. Instead your certainty and stability will come as the result of decidedly embracing uncertainty.”

Today’s TRAINING: The Power of Uncertainty

UNCERTAINTY IS A BYPRODUCT OF LETTING GO OF CONTROL

It’s a friendly Universe and UNCERTAINTY is meant to help me because if I am always IN CONTROL, how can I be guided to what is even better for me?

If the Universe was having a board meeting on how to get you to STOP doing A and start doing K, how would they do that?

Even if they just SHOWED “K” to you, you’re Alpha, you’ll resist.  You’ll want an explanation. You’ll analyze. Analysis leads to hesitation and in others words, you probably WON’T GO.

Let’s reverse engineer a normal story in my life to show you the power of uncertainty, how the Universe led me when I took my hands off the wheel. You’ll see I was uncertain, but I was constantly going the right way.

SCENE 1: Boardroom – Meeting of Tanya’s Team of Angels (who she calls “The Team”)

On the Agenda – Changing Tanya’s Gym & Sport for Exercise

She’s not gonna do it.

I know. I know. We need to HELP her somehow, make it look like it’s her idea. That way always works!

Jr Angel: So…I’m confused. We always do what’s best for her…why don’t we just tell her that she should stop going to the gym where she’s been for years, the one that is comfortable, cheap and close by, give up her friends there and just go to this different gym, much farther away, that costs 7x as much and return to a sport that she quit like 6 years ago?

(Indulgent smiles, a few long sighs from the senior Team members)

Yeahhhh….That doesn’t work. And we don’t work that way. We work through guidance and intuition not command and overriding. She still gets to choose, even if she chooses silly.

And did you HEAR yourself? Leave what’s comfortable at $20/month and go pay $133/month to resume a sport you gave up years ago? Nope. Nada. We’ll have to do this the long way. Slow and steady.

Ready with Phase 3?

Yes Sir.

Go.

December 2016 – Phase 3 Begins for Tanya

Tanya’s holiday travel schedule had 4 trips in 2 months: Los Angeles, Chicago, Dallas and San Diego.

She finds it hard (ok, make that nearly impossible) to keep on her 3 day a week gym schedule. She gives it a shot but by the new year, aside from a 5K & hours of pacing, she is off track and not going to her gym.

—– Opportunity to Feel Like A Quitter

This was a great opportunity to beat myself up. I could have forced myself to do better but it’s like someone turned off my desire. I’d been in the gym all year, doing well, on a schedule and then I looked up and just couldn’t go.

I tried doing different activities at the gym and….crickets. My fire was still out.

I asked my coach about it (yep, I have a coach – she’s fabulous!) and she told me she could feel my routine had gotten stale. THAT FELT RIGHT. I was assigned to replace it. I knew I needed to but I was grateful to have the “assignment” to make it urgent.

I set aside 30 minutes later in the week to pick something new. (Ha!)

My coach recommended something social to get me out of the house. I’d just purchased a home interval training program. Ha again! Scratch that. Social and out of the house it is!

And…crickets.

—– Pushing HARDER For An Answer Doesn’t Work

Seriously. Nothing clicked. Nothing fit. Nothing appealed.

I investigated yoga. Ok, did you know that yoga apparently infuses solid gold in your bloodstream while you do it? It MUST. Because I cannot think of any other reason why it should be $20 a class when I was paying $20 a MONTH for an entire gym including classes!

Monthly unlimited yoga is $120-150/month. I was curious but not THAT curious. Next.

Investigated other gyms. Nah.  Running? Nah.

Martial arts? Ooo. This has some buzz. I kinda want to try this. Took a little in college for self-defense.  Japanese street fighting. (I was actually given a trophy “Most Likely to Become Vicious” – True Story!)

First one I talked to, adult classes $149/month. Sigh. I want to “date” marital arts, not marry it!

Scene 2: Boardroom – Phase 3 Assessment

Has she voluntarily left her old gym yet?

Yes, the traveling did the trick. Once she was away, she lost the connection and hasn’t gotten it back.

Excellent.

Is she searching for a replacement?

Like an ALPHA! Yes.

Nibbles?

She’s interested in yoga, but not geeked up to join a pricey yoga studio. She’s interested in marital arts, but same thing on pricey dojo.

Perfect. Launch Phase 4.

January 2017 – Phase 4 Begins for Tanya

I wonder if I’d like to go back to playing tennis? I liked it. I was good and I could get way better if I really focused on practicing this time.

Hmm. I wonder where I could play? Where could I find a team?

(Insert exhaustive search ending with there is no close by team to play on and no close by courts to play on…except…)

New idea: I wonder about returning to my old tennis health club? I paid a lot to be a member before, so I’m sure it’s even more now…but I liked it there.

Hmm… Funny, I never noticed the gym has been emailing me for 5 years…here’s one right now.

And I even still have all those tennis skirts and brand new balls!

Scene 3: Boardroom – Phase 4 Assessment

She’s found the health club that we want for her! She’s on track now!

Jr Angel: Phase 4 is a success! But does she even know about Phase 1 & 2?

You mean where she tried to sell all of her old tennis skirts and no matter how cheap she priced them, they wouldn’t sell because we knew she’d want them later?

And, where she tried to sell a brand new case of tennis balls the same way and

we kept them for her too?  Nope. She didn’t notice Phase 1 & 2 when they ran.

We started those almost 8 months ago, so she won’t connect them until this is all done and she’s writing that blog thing she does. The she’ll look back and see how it was all worked out for her.

February 2017 – Night Before Tanya Will Return to Fancy Health Club

Why does it all suddenly seem so clear when it was so uncertain all along?

The uncertainty was necessary to open up space, so events could unfold to lead me where I will be happiest.

The club is pricey but it makes me feel rich. The club is also actually LESS than the other two options I seriously considered. And I like warm towel service and saunas and covered tennis courts in winter. It’s a place that is likely to be full of other Alphas, so it’s fantastic for an Alpha coach (and single woman!).

I let it be okay that my passion left what I was doing and I didn’t have my “next thing”.

I let it be okay that I was looking and NOT FINDING. I didn’t force anything to be my “next thing.”

I let it be okay that it looked like I was disappointing someone (my coach) by not acting faster, while I was still uncertain.

I now feel CERTAIN of my path and that feeling after about 2 months of uncertainty is such a warm relief! I trusted my feelings to know when I “know.”

I shared the story to show you 1) the Universe needs you to allow for moments “in between”. If you are always rushing to fill a gap, you may miss what you were intended to really have.

2) The power of uncertainty is in your releasing control and trusting that things are STILL unfolding for your good, in fact, often for a better outcome than you imagined.

Remember I asked you to focus on wanting what you want?

I now want to work out in a state of the art, country club like health club, that has 95 group fitness classes a week – including martial arts (check), 4 or 5 different kinds of yoga (check), premier tennis facilities, pros, lessons and teams and more gym equipment and pools than I could ever use.

I am happy to pay their rate and get everything I want.

I did not KNOW this in December. I had to let go and be “without” and be okay with being without, as I was led to where I am supposed to be.

ANYTHING NEW & ALL CHANGE FEELS UNCERTAIN at the beginning. To find your path to something new, you need to allow for uncertainty. Let yourself be led through your “not knowing.”

When you can embrace the uncertainty, by surrendering control and trusting the plan & the timing, the Universe works miracles.

I cannot wait to see what I find in my new (old) club! I will be the easiest sale the sales guy has ever had. 1 year contract here I come! Ok, but first – free passes!

Tanya Recommends:

I stumbled upon a sale! I’m sharing!

Wayne Dyer book published by Hay House after his passing.

I trust his guidance. He is a Master Teacher for me.

The Kindle, e-version, is only $1.99. I have no clue when the sale may end but since it’s still good at this moment, you may want to grab it now.

Get Being in Balance: 9 Principles for Creating Habits to Match Your Desires

I had planned to read it tonight but the post changed, so I worked late. I’ll treat myself to starting it first thing in the morning while YOU read THIS!

Get It

Don’t try to instantly become okay with all the uncertainty around you. That’s hard. What do I always say? Pick one thing. And choose to allow it to unfold.

You can only be certain of a thing that is 100% in your control. Thus the attempt to have certainty, is an attempt to have control. The need to have control arises out of fear, a lack of trust that you will be provided for.

The more you can trust in the Universe and God, the less certainty you require. The less certainty you require, the more channels you leave open for your good to manifest. The more channels available, the quicker, the easier and the greater your good is when it arrives. It is in your best interest to make friends with uncertainty.

Wow, Did You Hear?

German Coach Spots His Business Block

My conversation with Tanya shifted from an initially casual discussion into a powerful coaching call. During it, I became more aware of the main impediment to my own coaching practice so far and where I had been hiding and actually running away of what I knew was meant for me to do and to happen.

Tanya´s words were simple and spot-on, right on the target, bringing clarity to what had been obscure for me so far. I am very grateful for the powerful impulses she gave me and her challenging me to set bold and daring goals.

With respect to time-related goals, I hadn’t felt comfortable so far to work with them, as I believed not meeting them within the time frame would set me up for even more failure. I now noticed, however, that time-limits with no pressured attachment to the timely outcome are very powerful.

Thank you, Tanya! 

Talk to Tanya

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[Focus Mag] The Power of Uncertainty

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My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs READY for Better & WILLING to Change How to Stop Struggling in Relationships, Own Their Potential, Build their Business and Balance it ALL.

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