Author:Tanya Stewart, Esq.

[Focus Mag] Looking vs. Waiting (Hint: Quit Looking!)

 

Our FOCUS:

 

Looking vs Waiting (Hint: Quit Looking!)

 

It’s like we spend out whole lives looking. Looking for THE job, THE mate, THE house, THE therapist, THE money, THE big break.  For most of you, this isn’t working.

 

I like unpacking the things you are doing without noticing them, because the blocks to your dreams are usually hidden right there, in plain sight. (If you know where to “look”, pardon my pun!)

 

The feeling, energy and motivation of LOOKING is getting in your way. Find out why and what to do about it today…

 

 

 

 

 

Charles Stanley, Pastor

 

Our willingness to wait reveals the value we place on what

we are waiting for…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today’s TRAINING:

 

I constantly jot down notes for the magazine and what I’ll train you on. In the end, I always vet these against my heart. I’ve learned to be more careful and not go ahead and write the WHOLE thing and then check – as I have scrapped at least three complete blog posts and one complete magazine post.

 

Which brings us today’s training – Looking versus Waiting.

 

This is an every single area of your life.      No exceptions.

 

Even when I sit to “figure out” what I’m going to train you on each week, I used to do it by “looking” for the topic. Now I don’t look for the topic, I WAIT for the topic.

 

Let’s dive into the concept of waiting. When I ask you to wait, the very first thing you feel in your gut is a contraction, because as an adult you’ve spent 20 to 40 years associating the word “waiting” with NOT getting, being frustrated, going without and other unpleasant things.

 

I want you to take a moment and unpack all the crap you’ve layered onto that word. Waiting is actually NOT a bad word. And if you’re using waiting the way I want you to use waiting – waiting with a confident expectation – it becomes a power word! It actually becomes a badass!

 

If you think of it, when movies and tv want to make a killer or evil thing seem SUPER powerful, what do they show it doing? Waiting. The power to sit and wait is so strong, it’s almost unnerving!

 

Let’s take a look at what happens when you are waiting – the Tanya way.

 

Waiting with Confident Expectation:

 

1) Because it is an expectation, I’m not wondering whether my thing is going to arrive – so I’m not worried.

 

2) Because I’m not worried, the waiting doesn’t bother me, distract me or consume my focus.

 

3) Because what I’m waiting for is not sucking up all my attention, I’m going on with my life and accomplishing other things.

 

4) Because I have not being a crazy person WHILE waiting, when my thing does arrive, I feel sane, happy and welcoming instead of exhausted, frustrated and needy.

 

Waiting, done the Tanya way, is a powerful background activity.

 

It’s something that’s just going on without you paying much attention to it. That, by the way, is the formula for wicked fast manifestations. You desire and expect it.  You don’t resist it by worrying about it. And you’re so sure of it, that you go on and do other things while waiting for it to arrive, confident that God’s timing will work out perfectly for you. 

 

I woke up the other morning and realized that I’m no longer looking for my soulmate. I’m waiting for my mate.

 

Do you get how powerful that is? No anxiety, no worry, no drama, no pushing or forcing, no settling, no overanalyzing (guilty of this one huh?), no doubting or clock watching.

 

Just like waiting for Christmas, it’s coming. It’s certain. I need do nothing to help it arrive. (And way the hell better…) I am doing nothing to SLOW IT DOWN. 

 

When you are expecting, you can wait. When you are looking (which has doubt in it just like hoping), you try to control it and force it.

 

Have you ever bumped into somebody who’s down on their luck and then you hear them say those words, “I’m looking for a job…” Bleh. 

 

Now you know how to translate that to, “I’m pushing, forcing, hoping but doubting I’ll get a job.”

 

Let’s shift gears and go up to a high spiritual plane for a second – “looking” is the next-door neighbor of “wanting” when it comes to energy. BOTH of them presuppose that whatever the desired thing is, it is NOT THERE YET.

 

The problem comes from the energy of the word “looking”.  

 

You get what your energy is reflecting. If your predominate energy is focused on the absence of a thing, or the not “having” of a thing (i.e., the very reason that you are “looking”) you get more of the absence.

 

This is not to tell you that you shouldn’t be doing the work and taking action (which we usually call “looking”).  It is to ask you to consider the motivation for your actions and the energy of your actions. Your motivation is usually the key determiner of your outcome. 

 

My former desire for a soulmate was wanting somebody to love me totally. That doesn’t sound bad, right? Ahh. We are going deep today. Hold on.

 

My old motivation was lack and fear based.  I craved somebody to love me deeply because I had not yet learned to love myself deeply. I was subconsciously trying to get somebody else to do my work for me, which cannot be done.

 

My new motivation for my soulmate is to love him (rather than BE loved) and to share all the good that I am and build a family that is overflowing in love.  Much Better! 

 

I know you have a whole laundry list of things that you are “looking” for in your life. Pick one thing and figure out what you need to do so that you can be “waiting for it with confident expectation” instead of “looking for it”.

 

Note: if the waiting is making you unhappy, it’s not Tanya waiting. I feel curious, excited and “almost Christmas morning-y”. Releasing the burden of looking is amazing but requires real trust in yourself and in the workings of the Universe. 

 

I do not recommend you start with money or love or health – the biggies. Pick something small, like the perfect lamp for your nightstand. STOP looking for it and START waiting for it.

 

While you’re waiting, you’re listening for your intuition, nudges, hunches, urges and expecting coincidences to happen to guide you to that perfect lamp. Let these things guide your actions. This is actually how I navigate most of my days in ease and flow. I wait instead of push.

 


 

 

Tanya Recommends:

I’ve recorded an extra 3 min audio to this training.  “Why Waiting the Tanya Way is NOT Passive”

 

Listen as my gift. It just felt like I should give you a little more. So I am.

 

I am not “Looking” for new clients. I’m actually running out of spots! But I am Waiting for those God sends while I am busy.

 

I serve who He sends and it feels marvelous. It is such an edge for me not to have doubt on who I am and who I serve.

 

Get It

 

 


Pick something you are looking for where the process of looking is annoying you. If it’s a job, waiting does NOT mean you stop reading job postings! It means you use your “waiting” on the end outcome. I am reading postings daily, updating my resume and going on interviews WHILE I am waiting for the position that makes my heart sing.

That can mean that you take a job that is not an “A” while you are waiting. No big deal. I will still go out dancing while I am waiting for my true mate! Shift your mindset from looking (and not finding) to: what if Tanya’s right and my good WAS secured, how would I proceed? How would I feel? Act from THAT energy and wait IN that energy.

 

​​​​​


 

 

Deep: Seek and Ye Shall Find really needs more explanation. Seek by Asking and then Allow by Waiting (Tanya style) and you will Find by Receiving. You may receive the “thing” itself or steps that lead up to that thing.

 

Deeper: Infinite patience brings immediate   results. When you can wait “forever” you are in a place of total non-resistance and 100% allowing, which is the very definition of unconditioned love. When you hit this place of allowing (enlightenment), your good is given to you immediately. Or, to be uber esoteric and spiritually accurate, your good is NOTICED immediately, having always been available.

 

 


 

Wow, Did You Hear?​​​​​​​

 

 

Nicole C. – Arbonne, Executive District Manager

 

Having a coach like you is invaluable – I have made the money over and over that I have spent which helps me further invest in my business and myself.

 

You bring SPEED so I get that FREEDOM faster! Thank you!!!

 

Talk to Tanya

 

Spread the Word!

 

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?

 

[Focus Mag] Looking vs. Waiting (Hint: Quit Looking!) Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

 

 

Talk To Tanya

 

My Mission:

 

I Show those READY for Better & WILLING to Change

How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self- Expression.

 

Click Here to Visit FearlessFocusCoaching

 

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[Fun Friday] Why You SHOULDN’T Buy Any Groceries Next Week…

Why You Shouldn’t Buy Groceries Next Week…

 

Here is your Challenge for Fun Friday: Do not buy any new groceries for at least 1 week. (Milk, cheese, eggs are okay only because they are perishable).

 

I want to challenge you to — USE the food you have in your home already.  (I guarantee you that you have food at home for more than 1 week).

 

THEN figure out how much money you WOULD have spent on the groceries or eating out and BLOW THAT MONEY.

 

So, if you might spend $150 for a week, you’ll have $150 to do ANYTHING you want with, IF you start opening cans and getting creative and using the food YOU ALREADY HAVE (aka ‘gifts’ you have but don’t use).

 

When you succeed, I want you to do something TOTALLY out of the norm with the money. Splurge.

 

If you have kids, the way to get them on board is to cut them in on the prize money. If they know they’ll each get $25 if all the food is from inside the home – THEY WILL EAT what you serve and HELP create the menu.

 

So. Don’t go to the grocery store this week. Start dreaming what you will do the money. One thing I am going to get is one of those copper cook pans that they say you can cook eggs with no oil! We’ll see.

 

Possible shopping list: New fancy DVD player, new running shoes (trainers for our European friends), NEW PHONE, massage, dinner at the “too expensive” place, 2 luxury candles from that froofy store, Power Tools!! (I may get a circular saw), hi end pillows, flowers for the table or surprise cash to someone who helps you, just DREAM!  AND NO BILL PAYING.

 

Part of the fun of this is thinking of all the DIFFERENT things you can do with your unexpected extra loot!

 

Hit Reply and let me know what you are thinking of getting!

 

UPDATE: I GOT the copper pan for $10 and it got soo hot it melted one of my old spatulas (back when I still had 3!).  Returned it!  I JUST got my circular saw, blade, gloves and a tarp as a TREAT for me 🙂 I build things (people, businesses, furniture, confidence…).

 

 

 

P.S. If you REALLY want to play, dig out the cans at the back of the cupboard that you NEVER see (and keep “re-buying”) and set them on the counter so you finally — USE them before the metal of the can ruins the contents! Last In, First OUT!

 

 

And this is a great time to put together a bag of food for donation too! If you haven’t eaten it, someone else WILL. We all have enough to spare & share! 


​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​I show those READY for Better & WILLING to Take Massive Action How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self-Expression.

 

Get Off Your Own Brakes. 

 


 

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[Abundance] Value vs. Cost – Which Measure Are YOU Using?

Value vs. Cost – Which Measure Are YOU Using?

 

If you take a moment and think back to the last time you asked the question – 99.7% of you asked “Hey, how much does this cost?”

 

I’m giving this to you as a flag to show you some beliefs that you have that aren’t serving you well IF you want a life of abundance and success and self-love.

 

 

I want you to begin catching yourself the next time you ask what does this cost.  The real question is what is it WORTH to you?

Rich people look at the output to be obtained by the input to be invested. Thus, they are looking at the future and the POSITIVE. The “upside.” 

Poor people look at what will they lose right now. How much money will they be “out.” And the focus is more on what they are giving up than what they are gaining.

Remember, I teach that you get what you focus on. Why do you think rich people keep getting richer? It has nothing to do with the government and the way the taxes are set up! It has everything to do with what they’re focusing on and expecting.

 

For instance, if a problem pops up, a wealthy person will focus on creating a solution. They will already be testing their first solution while a person in lack will still be complaining that the problem is not fair, too difficult or they don’t know where to start.

 

It’s an interesting issue for me, as a coach, because when people come to me they’re usually in a fear-based, lack filled (that’s oxymoronic!) place. That means they’ll be focused on the COST of coaching, rather than the value of coaching, i.e., where they’re going to end up.

 

It makes me sad that people would happily pay $20,000 for a new car but won’t pay a fraction of that to quit smoking after smoking for 15 years, increase sales 30%, receive multiple 6 figure job offers, navigate a divorce without melt down, attract the first HEALTHY man and being able to make life changing decisions in one day.  I have provided all of these outcomes. 

What would it be WORTH to you to have all of that? Or are you wondering, what does it COST? (Less than half the car. I need to raise my prices.)

 

 

We figured that my smoker’s annual cigarette habit COSTS almost half a year of

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

coaching! What is smoking worth versus a 1/2 year of private coaching?

 

 

In fact, here’s something that will frighten you. Look at something in your life that’s annoying you right now. Something that’s been bothering you for a long time.

 

You probably haven’t taken care of it because it costs X. Whatever it is. $300 for a car window the rolls all the way up. $2500 for braces so you stop hating your teeth. $75 for the plumber for that damn drip under the sink.

 

That means… your happiness is worth LESS than $75 to you.

 

I have a desk that I want to sell, that’s been leaning in my hallway, in my way for a couple weeks now. The desk is not worth my happiness and it’s making me unhappy blocking my hallway.  I tried selling it at its fair market value and that hasn’t worked.Now I’m going to price it at some ridiculous amount just to get it out of my hallway (not free, people don’t value free things and won’t show up!).  It’s real value doesn’t matter. I have a HIGHER value on my happiness (and being able to walk down the hallway in the dark!).

 

 

When you look at the outcome – clear hallway, happy coach- it is easy to see that I need to get rid of the desk regardless of the apparent “loss.”

 

When you look at the “cost” – it seems like I should re-post it somewhere else and wait a little longer and maybe take a few more pictures because I’m losing that $80. 

 

 

Changing your viewpoint from looking at the COST to looking at the VALUE will change your life and what shows up in it.

 

 

 

 

Do you have the ability to 

make decisions based on VALUE? Do you keep telling yourself “I’ll work with Tanya someday when I have the money…” Stop it.

 

 

What is YOUR HAPPINESS WORTH RIGHT NOW? Yes, I’m talking to YOU. Talk to me.

 

 

And review this post – Opportunities Don’t SELL Themselves to YOU, YouSELL

Opportunities to Yourself.

 

(There is 1 Opportunity below in the P.S.)

 

 

 

 

 

P.S.               One Time Offer

 

I have a SINGLE opening for someone wanting to coach at half price.

I have a single mom here in Georgia (just hours from me!) on food stamps, that hasn’t worked in a year. 2 days after we talked she got a job (that happens a lot). She was heartbroken that it doesn’t pay enough to cover private coaching. I was so impressed, I told her I’d find a person to split a coaching agreement with her. The first person I picked is not moving fast enough.

 

If you want semi-private coaching to change your life for the next year – hit reply and tell me why you should share that spot. You’ll share 2 hours of monthly coaching with me, plus email support.  (I am a coach of Massive Action and if you aren’t ready to take Massive Action to get your Massive Value, we aren’t a good fit.)  

 

​​​​​​​​​​​​I show those READY for Better & WILLING to take Massive Action How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self-Expression.

 

Get Off Your Own Brakes.

 


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[Focus Mag] Ha ha! I forgot the Subject Line on my PERFECTION Issue! Perfect Irony!

 

Our FOCUS:

 

How To Fail At ANYTHING (aka Perfectionism)

 

Even those who are perfectionists – oddly enough avoid the word perfectionist. Society has (happily) given it a bad name.

 

So all of you people who just want to “get it right” use euphemisms. You talk about the timing could be better, you need more resources, next year when the economy turns around, just need a little bit more time to take another look at it…and TRY harder.

 

Perfect is impossible. The attempt to make something perfect before you act is simply an excuse to avoid doing. Men who are commitment phobes search for a “perfect woman”. People who really like eating sugar search for the “perfect diet”.

 

Come on in… I won’t bite. Today’s deep dive is into perfection – the easiest way to fail at ANYTHING.

P.S. Forgetting the subject line on this was an awesome (& accidental!) test- did YOU open the one with the mistake??

 

Julia Cameron, Writer

 

Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is the pursuit of

the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we

do will ever be good enough – that we should try harder.”

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

Today’s TRAINING:

 

 

In hindsight looking at the first two topics for the magazine: efforts for and comparing, it seems natural that perfectionism should be up next. After all these guys are all close cousins.

 

 

And now for a brief rant on the things that would NOT exist if their inventors had been total perfectionists: cars, light bulbs, tampons, air-conditioning, radio, TV, cable TV, cell phones…

 

Can you spot the pattern? Just about anything that you find useful in your day-to-day existence was created by somebody somewhere who pushed past the urge to have it “just right” and got on with it.

 

I heard a quote recently that I liked:

Imperfect Action always beats Perfect Inaction – Harry Truman

Perfection sucks.

You don’t have to get it right, x    you just have to get it going. (I am CLEARLY feeling very “quote-y”).

My favorite anti-perfection  teaching I use all the time “You can’t steer a parked car. Meaning, you have got to get in motion for me to even be able to course correct you were give you some feedback.

So since ego loves efforting, adores comparing, you can fully expect that it is the President of the Fan Club of Perfection.

Here are easy instructions for HOW TO FAIL at the next important thing you’re going to do:

 

1) Decide that it’s important. Really important. Preferably your life will just go to hell in a handbasket if “it “doesn’t happen.

 

This will ensure that all of your energy is negative and lack based. It will guarantee that your motivation is fearful which must fail by law.

 

2) Then decide there’s only one way to do whatever it is you’re doing or to get wherever it is you want to go. Just the one.

 

On high spiritual terms this collapses the quantum field of possibilities so that it becomes impossible for you to see any option other than the single one you’ve identified, which makes it WAY easier for you to fail

 

3) Now you should demand that the thing happen… Right now. Yes urgently. Critically. Right this moment.

 

Under no circumstances should you consider the possibility of allowing divine timing to assist or that God can veer off of your schedule. Be firm, let the Universe know you need it right the hell now.

 

4) At every moment of uncertainty, worry about failing.

 

Make doubly sure that you are focused on the worst possible outcome at ALL times, so that you only notice things that will lead you to that dark outcome. (Thank Goodness for the Law of Like to Like!)

 

5) Consult as many other people as possible who do not believe that you can succeed.

 

It can be difficult to ensure a total failure, however surrounding yourself with people who are used to failing themselves and/or watching you fail and then discussing your plans with them endlessly is a very good start.

 

6) Often overlooked but nonetheless critical, is try to do as little as possible toward the outcome. Avoid, delay, procrastinate, research, plan and argue are all great tactics here to avoid taking action.

 

Getting into motion and receiving feedback that could actually tell you how to course correct and reach your goal would require you to have to begin without certainty of success. That’s sounds uncomfortable. So obviously, that’s silly. Wait until you’re totally certain.

 

7) If you can’t bring yourself to simply expect to fail, please do the next closest thing and simply hope not to fail.

 

Thankfully, the doubt in the “hope” should successfully keep you from succeeding.

 

*******************************

 

Oh. Maybe I should have called that “7 Steps to Mastering Perfection?”

 

Or “How Your Ego Keeps You from Achieving Your Big Dreams While it LOOKS Like You Are Trying

 

Yuck. Just to discuss this I had to use words I don’t like – like the word “try.” Try is a curse word to me. Long live Master Yoda just nailed this one when he said:

 

Do or do not. There is no try.

 

In fact, when I encounter someone who has perfectionist tendencies – they will often tell me that they are… (please imagine me gritting my teeth) trying!

 

The special version of trying that they’re doing usually involves Step 6 above.

 

Efforting. Comparing. Perfectionism.

 

Stop it.

 

Since I seem to be on a little bit of a roll, here is the quote that is powerful and true and a little magical. It conveys everything I want you to learn and act on. This quote is the antidote to perfectionism.

 

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back — concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:

 

that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

 

Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

 

—Goethe

 

He’s even got Commitment in there (Step 1 of Tanya’s 4 Steps to Decide Anything). I love it. Make it your guide.

 


 

Tanya Recommends:

 

A book called “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield.

 

If you are battling your ego to get your work done, especially if it is creative work, this book will get you MOVING. What I call ego, he calls Resistance. I listened to it on a cross country flight and nodded in agreement so much, I’m shocked my neck wasn’t sore!

 

Excellent coaching in a book. I give it as a gift.

 

Here is a link to Amazon for $10, Audible for the audio book is $5 but you should be able to find it anywhere you look.

 

 


 

Hopefully you laughed during the 7 Steps above. I want you to look at the next “thing” you are pushing and pulling for. Run it through the list. See where you are holding yourself back with a focus on trying to “get it right”.  DONE is always better than perfect. I launch at 80%. I teach that. When your “whatever” hits 80% – launch it. You will get quick feedback that will enable you to get your 80 up over 90. Does Apple send us iPhones at 100%? Hell NO!

“Perfection is a dream killer. It is just fear disguised as trying to do your best. It just is.”

—Mastin Kipp

 

 


 

Perfection involves you lying to yourself (I am not afraid) and lying to others (this delay is for YOUR benefit). The motivation is fear and no fear based motivation can prosper long term by law. It also illustrates self-trust issues (my efforts are not enough), self-love issues (I am not enough) and reflects a belief of performance to earn love – which makes you uneasy receiving love. In short, it’s a spiritual cancer. Don’t ignore it, seek help.

 

 


Wow, Did You Hear?

 

 

 


 

Aileen Says…

Is this real life??? Beyond grateful for a powerful training by the amazing Nathania Stewart! I mean how did we get so lucky to have met someone that has coached Les Brown?!?? Thank you Nicole for introducing Alisha and I to her! Our businesses have sky rocketed since working with her. Thank you Tanya for an inspirational, no bullshit training tonight!! Love you!!!

 

Talk to Tanya

 

Spread the Word!

 

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?

 

[Focus Mag] Ha ha! I forgot the Subject lIne on my PERFECTION Focus Mag! Perfect Irony! Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

 

 

My Mission:

 

I Show those READY for Better & WILLING to Change
How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self- Expression. 

 

 


Insert Subject Here

 

Our FOCUS:

 

How To Fail At ANYTHING (aka Perfectionism)

 

Even those who are perfectionists – oddly enough avoid the word perfectionist. Society has (happily) given it a bad name.

 

So all of you people who just want to “get it right” use euphemisms. You talk about the timing could be better, you need more resources, next year when the economy turns around, just need a little bit more time to take another look at it…and TRY harder.

 

Perfect is impossible. The attempt to make something perfect before you act is simply an excuse to avoid doing. Men who are commitment phobes search for a “perfect woman”. People who really like eating sugar search for the “perfect diet”.

Come on in… I won’t bite. Today’s deep dive is into perfection – the easiest way to fail at ANYTHING.

 

Julia Cameron, Writer

 

Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is the pursuit of

the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we

do will ever be good enough – that we should try harder.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today’s TRAINING:

 

In hindsight looking at the first two topics for the magazine: efforts for and comparing, it seems natural that perfectionism should be up next. After all these guys are all close cousins.

You have a tendency to “effort” due to your “comparing” which is all done with the grand design of making sure everything is “just right” before you do a damn thing.

 

And now for a brief rant on the things that would NOT exist if their inventors had been total perfectionists: cars, light bulbs, tampons, air-conditioning, radio, TV, cable TV, cell phones…

 

Can you spot the pattern? Just about anything that you find useful in your day-to-day existence was created by somebody somewhere who pushed past the urge to have it “just right” and got on with it.

 

I heard a quote recently that I liked:

 

Imperfect Action always beats Perfect Inaction – Harry Truman

 

Perfection sucks.

 

You don’t have to get it right, x    you just have to get it going. (I am CLEARLY feeling very “quote-y”).

 

My favorite anti-perfection  teaching I use all the time “You can’t steer a parked car. Meaning, you have got to get in motion for me to even be able to course correct you were give you some feedback.

 

So since ego loves efforting, adores comparing, you can fully expect that it is the President of the Fan Club of Perfection.

 

Here are easy instructions for HOW TO FAIL at the next important thing you’re going to do:

 

1) Decide that it’s important. Really important. Preferably your life will just go to hell in a handbasket if “it “doesn’t happen.

 

This will ensure that all of your energy is negative and lack based. It will guarantee that your motivation is fearful which must fail by law.

 

2) Then decide there’s only one way to do whatever it is you’re doing or to get wherever it is you want to go. Just the one.

 

On high spiritual terms this collapses the quantum field of possibilities so that it becomes impossible for you to see any option other than the single one you’ve identified, which makes it WAY easier for you to fail.

 

3) Now you should demand that the thing happen… Right now. Yes urgently. Critically. Right this moment.

 

Under no circumstances should you consider the possibility of allowing divine timing to assist or that God can veer off of your schedule. Be firm, let the Universe know you need it right the hell now.

 

4) At every moment of uncertainty, worry about failing.

 

Make doubly sure that you are focused on the worst possible outcome at ALL times, so that you only notice things that will lead you to that dark outcome. (Thank Goodness for the Law of Like to Like!)

 

5) Consult as many other people as possible who do not believe that you can succeed.

 

It can be difficult to ensure a total failure, however surrounding yourself with people who are used to failing themselves and/or watching you fail and then discussing your plans with them endlessly is a very good start.

 

6) Often overlooked but nonetheless critical, is try to do as little as possible toward the outcome. Avoid, delay, procrastinate, research, plan and argue are all great tactics here to avoid taking action.

 

Getting into motion and receiving feedback that could actually tell you how to course correct and reach your goal would require you to have to begin without certainty of success. That’s sounds uncomfortable. So obviously, that’s silly. Wait until you’re totally certain.

 

7) If you can’t bring yourself to simply expect to fail, please do the next closest thing and simply hope not to fail.

 

Thankfully, the doubt in the “hope” should successfully keep you from succeeding.

 

*******************************

 

Oh. Maybe I should have called that “7 Steps to Mastering Perfection?”

 

Or “How Your Ego Keeps You from Achieving Your Big Dreams While it LOOKS Like You Are Trying

 

Yuck. Just to discuss this I had to use words I don’t like – like the word “try.” Try is a curse word to me. Long live Master Yoda just nailed this one when he said:

 

Do or do not. There is no try.

 

In fact, when I encounter someone who has perfectionist tendencies – they will often tell me that they are… (please imagine me gritting my teeth) trying!

 

The special version of trying that they’re doing usually involves Step 6 above.

 

Efforting. Comparing. Perfectionism.

 

Stop it.

 

Since I seem to be on a little bit of a roll, here is the quote that is powerful and true and a little magical. It conveys everything I want you to learn and act on. This quote is the antidote to perfectionism.

 

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back — concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans:

 

that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way.

 

Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”

 

—Goethe

 

He’s even got Commitment in there (Step 1 of Tanya’s 4 Steps to Decide Anything). I love it. Make it your guide.

 


 

 

Tanya Recommends:

 

A book called “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield.

 

If you are battling your ego to get your work done, especially if it is creative work, this book will get you MOVING. What I call ego, he calls Resistance. I listened to it on a cross country flight and nodded in agreement so much, I’m shocked my neck wasn’t sore!
Excellent coaching in a book. I give it as a gift.
Here is a link to Amazon for $10, Audible for the audio book is $5 but you should be able to find it anywhere you look.

 

 


 

 

Hopefully you laughed during the 7 Steps above. I want you to look at the next “thing” you are pushing and pulling for. Run it through the list. See where you are holding yourself back with a focus on trying to “get it right”.  DONE is always better than perfect. I launch at 80%. I teach that. When your “whatever” hits 80% – launch it. You will get quick feedback that will enable you to get your 80 up over 90. Does Apple send us iPhones at 100%? Hell NO!
“Perfection is a dream killer. It is just fear disguised as trying to do your best. It just is.”
—Mastin Kipp

 

 

 


 

Perfection involves you lying to yourself (I am not afraid) and lying to others (this delay is for YOUR benefit). The motivation is fear and no fear based motivation can prosper long term by law. It also illustrates self-trust issues (my efforts are not enough), self-love issues (I am not enough) and reflects a belief of performance to earn love – which makes you uneasy receiving love. In short, it’s a spiritual cancer. Don’t ignore it, seek help.

 

 

 

 


 

Wow, Did You Hear?

 

 

 


 

Aileen Says…

Is this real life??? Beyond grateful for a powerful training by the amazing Nathania Stewart! I mean how did we get so lucky to have met someone that has coached Les Brown?!?? Thank you Nicole for introducing Alisha and I to her! Our businesses have sky rocketed since working with her. Thank you Tanya for an inspirational, no bullshit training tonight!! Love you!!!

 

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I Show those READY for Better & WILLING to Change
How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self- Expression.

[Habits] FF Mag: 5 Ways Comparing Destroys Your Life

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Our FOCUS:

 

5 Ways Comparing Destroys Your Life

Comparisons are a favorite tool of the ego. Think about it for moment – which feels worse: having a plain sandwich and a glass of water for lunch OR having a plain sandwich with a glass of water when you know that all your friends are eating at an all you can eat buffet?

 

If you want to add insult to injury (and why not?) add in the fact that someone is BUYING their all-you-can-eat buffet! Now your sandwich tastes WORSE.

 

It makes us feel like failures (when we aren’t), like successes (when we aren’t), like giving up, going slow and blaming. Roll up your sleeves. We are taking this puppy apart today!

 
 
 

                     

Mark Twain

“Comparison is the death of joy.”

 

 

 

Today’s TRAINING:

 

 

 

Today, I am teaching about five kinds of comparisons we do all the time & why all of them hurt you. My goal is that you notice where you do this and tackle it.

 

 

Comparison to the Impossible or Improbable

 

Comparison of Those Not Trying

 

Comparison to Avoid Doing

 

Comparison to Justify Slow Improvement

 

Comparison for Support Victimhood

 

Comparing to the Impossible and Improbable is the ego’s trick to get you to feel like a failure no matter where you are.

 

I don’t have to know your middle name and full street address to say if you compare yourself to our greatest teachers, Jesus, Muhammed, Buddha, Ghandi, Mother Teresa you are going to lose. You are, in fact, going to look petty, mean, selfish, fearful and lazy.

 

Most of you don’t have to stretch too hard to get that. Ahh, but what about comparing yourself to Oprah, Tony Robbins, Richard Branson or Tim Ferris of the 4 Hour Workweek? They feel more “human” and STILL you are worlds away from where they are. Not motivating.

 

Even comparing at a familiar level can hurt you – the perfect sister, your ex’s brilliant new job, that Martha Stewart mom or even me for that matter.

 

Your ego wants this comparison to make you FEEL less than and not enough. That energy TURNS off your ability to do better, see better or expect better (and you KNOW what I teach about expectations).

 

Try this shift – if they can do it, I can too.

 

Comparing to Those Not Trying is the ego’s trick to get you to feel like a success no matter where you are (and usually it’s not that far along). No more action needed. You’re GOOD, just coast.

 

Compared to the people who NEVER go to gym or make any effort to exercise and are 60-100 lbs (27-45 k) overweight your 20 lbs really isn’t anything to worry about.

 

No. No and Hell No.

 

This is also known as apples to oranges comparisons. If you compare a sour green apple to a lemon well, damn. That is the sweetest apple you EVER had. (I know they are decorative but I don’t like green apples! Just writing this flooded my mouth with saliva in defense!)

 

Comparing to Avoid is the ego’s tool to get you to run an inappropriate comparison and then “decide” that you are helpless to change the outcome.

 

Here’s how it goes: You are in a job you don’t like. The last time you were in a job you didn’t like and you spoke up to your boss, you got fired. So, since this situation is similar, you feel “STUCK” and do nothing.

 

Comparison to avoid depends on comparing what you have right now to a past “failure situation”. The brain is EXCELLENT at this. Remember, our brains do not like to THINK.

 

They like to recognize patterns (COMPARE!!!) and pull out the solution we used before. If that solution was a failure solution – your brain gives you two options – apply it anyway (yep, it’ll work THIS time) OR abandon hope and avoid.

 

Well meaning (or mean) parents will HELP you draw a comparison between what you are doing NOW and what your SISTER did before (that was an epic fail). This has you making decisions based on trying to AVOID which is fundamentally negative and will get you a matching negative result by law.  

 

Comparing to Justify Slow Improvement is my favorite. You compare yourself to older, suckier versions of yourself so that you can keep exclaiming that you are doing marvelously NO MATTER WHAT. (Stop IT!)

 

I met a (chain smoker) guy who told me he was trying to quit. I respected that. When I went to visit (should have brought a respirator WITH me, poor planning on my part) I discovered he was smoking a  PACK of cigarettes a DAY. WTF!

 

I, being a coach, gently inquired (read, DEMANDED to know as I choked to death trapped in a smoky car for 2 hours) where was the quitting part?!  Well, he said proudly, he — USED to smoke more than 2 packs a day. THAT shut me up. Progress right?

 

As I coach I do not let my clients play this game with themselves. It’s the “I’m making progress” compared to a sloth game. And it’s sooo comfortable. (Comfort is a swear word for me.)

 

“I’m trying.” “I’m making progress.” Don’t fly if you are still doing something you shouldn’t be doing at all. Here is where you need a no-excuses type coach.

 

Comparison to Support Victimhood is another popular ego activity where you attempt to win the “I have it hardest” Olympics.

 

People compare their lot against other victim groups. They happily reach the consensus after comparing that THEIR oppressor is SURELY the worst of them all (Gold!). And THEIR victim group is surely getting the worst deal of all the victim groups (Record Breaker).

 

So let me ask you right now – do you know what victim group you identify with? Almost everybody’s got one. And the trick is, they don’t come with a label saying “I am a victim group”. You’d never willingly join that!

 

A victim group is any collection of people who have taken the general view that X is the thing that is “after them”, oppressing them, screwing them or unwilling to help them get what they want. If you recognize you can be blocked by an external something, you have given that something some of your power – hence the victimhood.

 

If I had to claim a victim group, it would probably be small entrepreneurs/business versus the government doing crazy things with my money. See, even I’ve still got one.

 

Races have them. Both genders have them. Animal Lovers. Tree Lovers and Gun Lovers have them. Problem?

 

All victims groups DISEMPOWER. Mainly because they focus continually on what’s wrong, what’s not working, what’s missing – the lack, the fear, the crap. Not on solutions, possibilities or opportunities.

 

The only way you can focus on all those negative things is to COMPARE. Victim groups live and die on comparisons where they got “less.”  Kill the comparisons.

 

The Lesson at the Gym

 

I stopped in the middle of creating this article to go to the gym. At the gym I go to a high intensity interval training class call 360 where you work your whole body. It. Is. Hard.

 

I got to listen to my own head today while I was working out and watching the people who showed up for class. There were two new people. They both quit halfway through. I know they compared their FIRST day to my established endurance. That’s just silly.

I use my gym class as a barometer of how well I’m doing reducing judging and comparing thoughts. I have improved massively this year using this measuring stick.

 

Years ago, I’d hear my ego making comments about other people’s effort (so I felt better) or comparing me to some of the super athletes (ouch, then I sucked).  I no longer do this. If I do notice a comparing thought, I gently change it.

 

The Antidote to Comparison is Compliment

 

One of the most common thoughts in my head now is “what a pretty girl.” I love looking around noticing other happy and beautiful people. Whenever I notice them, I comment to myself what a pretty girl or what a happy couple. Whenever I can, I compliment and appreciate.

 

That takes me OUT of comparison and focuses on what is good and what I like – which only ever brings more of that into my life.

 

Because the habit of comparison is so deeply ingrained in subconscious – do not expect that you can just flip a switch & decide to stop comparing and do so. What I would have you do is pick a very short time frame, like from breakfast to lunch and set out to just NOTICE all of your comparisons.

 

You are looking for comparisons that result in negative judgments, statements or feelings. As you spot each one, STOP IT (video).

 

Tanya Recommends:

 

 

I have an “I am” app on my phone & iPad. It pops up during the day and tells me I AM amazing (and yes you can pick from a list of awesome adjectives to find the ones you like the best!). Here is the one that just popped up now. I am Remarkable!

 

Comparing comes from not feeling like you are enough. Use this free app to help fill your empty tank!

 

It’s in the Apple Store, Google Play and Itunes FREE.

 

I won’t always have FREE resources but when I do – GRAB THEM!

Get It

 

 

 

tip

Tomorrow morning from breakfast to lunch watch and notice how much you compare things. When you notice one, don’t freak, just change the comparison to a compliment. It will take awhile  & clear focus but you can begin to reprogram this habit first with awareness of it.

 

Next time you are upset about something ask yourself – what am I comparing to what I have that is making me feel I don’t have “enough”. Many times the comparison is your reality versus an idealized job, mate or life. Comparing ANY boss against an “ideal boss” that doesn’t exist generates pain.

 

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

spir

Whether you seek validation for yourself (praise) or condemn another (criticism) you are using the external to try to make yourself feel better internally. If you do not go “within” you will go “without” – it’s a law. So comparisons involving externals must end poorly. Happily, looking back at how far you have come is internal referencing not comparing – whose object was judgment and superiority. 

 

 

 

 

 

Wow Did You Hear?

 

 

 

Doug Says…

Tanya, It’s Doug M. and I just wanted to take 30 seconds out here and to call you up and tell you what an incredible individual you are. Thank you so very much for those tapes that you sent. And you have NO idea what positive influence you have in people’s lives. Especially mine. Just to tell you to have a very wonderful day! Thank you. Bye.

Talk to Tanya

 

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