Author:Tanya Stewart, Esq.
[Fun Friday] Try Something NEW Friday
[Fun Friday] Try Something NEW Friday
There is a LOT of science around that supports that brain health and neuroplasticity comes from doing NEW things or old things differently. Even brushing your teeth with your other hand keeps your brain young!
Doings something small, that’s new is easy, it’s good for you and it is actually FUN.
Step 1: Say, God I want to try some new things. (This sets the expectation and Asks so you get COOL new things.)
Step 2: Be willing and say YES. (Also, set aside $10 for this experiment so you can buy something if needed)
That’s it!
I tried the meat and cheese in the “fancy” section of my grocery store and then actually BOUGHT the $10 imported, Italian, super fancy, way too tiny for the price salami they were selling. Turns out, I loved it. Bought another and have now branched into different varieties. Meat is on my approved snacking list!
I turned my radio to the country music station. That is not my normal music. I said, “God tell me about my mate” and turned the station on. I got some of the coolest lyrics that I would LOVE a man to feel for me! Here is one of the songs called “Yeah”. (Country music really does have more positive, “she is amazing” lyrics.)
I now build furniture! I make stuff. I fix stuff. I unclogged my bathroom sink. I reinstalled the deadbolt strike on my front door (my lock turns easily now!) I selected and installed 3 motion activated security lights around my house.
These new skills ALL came from this ONE new thing in this post – where I did something I’ve never done before.
I even made the Newsletter of my local Habitat for Humanity Store with my 1st cabinet project.
Now I’m a Wood Worker!
I am PROUD of myself and I don’t view challenges the same way. And my brain is used to getting new things and problem solving (last week’s Focus Mag Training Post).
Take your $10, open yourself up by asking for guidance to something new and WATCH.
This trains you to:
1) Ask
2) Expect and
3) RECEIVE.
It kinda doesn’t get better than that!
If you are ready for your that “something new” to be the life you REALLY want –
P.S. I am out in Los Angeles at a Coaching Conference. Learning new things and meeting new people! Be sure to let me know what the “new” thing you tried was!!
P.P.S. I am cooking up something cool for Black Friday! And you’ll want to say HELL YES to it! Get ready!
Happy Veterans Day!
I show those READY for Better & WILLING to Take Massive Action How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self-Expression.
Get Off Your Own Brakes.
[Fun Friday] Try Something NEW Friday 
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[Focus Mag] Why You Chase & What THAT HIDES…
Our FOCUS:
Why You Chase & What THAT HIDES…
I have been guilty of CHASING most of my life. What was I chasing you ask? Ha! What WASN’T I chasing is a better question.
Relationships, a certain guy, money, clients, health, weight loss, better skin, family’s love, friendships, enlightenment, God, marriage, approval, better sleep…you name it.
I have gone on an expedition to find it, kill it and drag it back home.
Now the $4 Million dollar question – did ANY of that chasing ever work? No. No, it did not.
Let’s find out why and what you can do about it in your OWN life…
Author Unknown
“Once you stop chasing the wrong things, the right
ones have a chance to catch you.”
Today’s TRAINING:
Here’s what I Want Us to Tackle Today:
- Whose Idea Was It For Us To Chase Things Anyway?
- Why Chasing Can Never Work
- 7 Bad Things I Can See That Flow From Chasing
- Chasing is Hiding The Truth From You
Whose Idea Was It For Us to Chase Things Anyway?
I don’t think I’m going too far out on the limb by saying this started as a cavemen thing. Seriously. If you (or more accurately your mate if you are female) didn’t go out and CHASE something that was running away from you, you did NOT get protein to eat and winter was HARD.
We chased animals for food and warmth. We probably chased each other to get the best shelters and men chase women to get the best mates. So, I think it’s safe to say that we have a very long and well-established precedent for chasing ending in positive outcomes for us.
Well… that’s changed.
The problem is apparently nobody sent a note to our parents and their parent’s parents and so on. So they have been teaching every generation the same way they were taught – go chase things down!
We can clearly blame the Cro-Magnon man for the whole chasing food down bit, but chasing love is a lot more recent I’d say. We’ve learned quickly that if we didn’t chase the lover we wanted, the attention we wanted or the relationship we wanted, we went empty-handed.
Nothing like starting a good training by figuring out who’s to blame! It’s our parents and ancestors going back ad infinitum. Good, now let’s solve the problem.
Why Chasing Can Never Work
Chasing – Tanya’s Definition: The shortcut the ego recommends to try to FORCE life to give you what you are not ready for yet (not a match to). This is done to avoid the work of SELF IMPROVEMENT, which would naturally attract TO you what is desired.
I can explain why chasing is an awful idea in 3 sentences.
1- The entire Universe (um, that includes YOU) is subject to the Laws of Attraction, we get what we focus on and what we ARE. (Similar things come TO us.)
2- Chasing is using effort to try to get something that is NOT already attracted to you. (see Efforting post)
3- You aren’t supposed to have it yet, so even if you GET it, you’ll find it hard to keep.
Close your eyes (unless you are driving and seriously, if you are driving you REALLY shouldn’t be reading this – It’s dangerous, you could miss something I wrote!).
I could ask you what was the last thing you chased that got away, but I won’t. I’ll ask you what were the last things you CHASED that you caught and then discovered: 1) you didn’t want them 2) it didn’t want you 3) it wasn’t worth it?
No one likes the easiest example, but men prefer to select their mates. When women initiate or chase the man and convince him to pick her or stay, the relationships have a higher divorce rate. Think about it. If he picked you, fought for you, schemed and plotted to win you – he is INVESTED in a different way than if he just went along with your “pick me pitch.”
I find those relationships often require what I call “reactivation energy” where the woman has to keep finding and hitting his reset button to reactivate him in the relationship. Chasing sucks.
7 Bad Things I Can See That Flow From Chasing
Chasing REINFORCES all of these bad for you things:
Creates a pattern that you have to “work” for good things. That makes you suspicious of good that arrives without work and can even make you unable to see the good around you. That causes you to be ungrateful for your blessings, which stops your flow of them.
Expands your sense of lack or low self-worth. YOU have to “make it happen”. The bible refers to the consequence of being cast out of the metaphorical Garden of Eden was that man was then required to “earn his bread by the sweat of his brow.” Sounds an awful lot like chasing and efforting to me.
Confirms the person you are chasing is more powerful and you are weak.When you feel weak, you feel fear and everything bad comes from that disconnected place.
Supports continually NOT having. Chasing spiritually affirms that you currently DON’T have “it” and your efforts and actions then act to make that absence MORE TRUE.
Strengthens the ego’s power. The ego loves chasing things. If it can’t get you to blame, it will get you to chase. If it can get you to chase and THEN blame, jackpot. Predictable unhappiness.
Encourages living in the future. I’ll be happy WHEN I GET THAT. Living in the future is where all your worries and anxiety are. All the unknowns are and NONE of your power is. You cannot alter the “future”, only the now, hence you feel powerless & afraid.
Guarantees disappointment & exhaustion. Things flee from whatever chases them. When you were younger and he was chasing you, you were annoyed. Who did YOU want? The guy that wasn’t chasing you.
Chasing is About PROVING Your Worth, When It Should NOT Be in Question
Isn’t it odd that when you look behind you, you associate chasing and excess effort with neediness & desperation (yuck) and yet, when YOU do it, you want it to be rewarded and praised?
We have been taught by the ego over generations to PROVE OUR WORTH TO RECEIVE FROM GOD. That is NOT the Law. The Law is Grace, which is a very divine concept. Grace does not require efforting, chasing or proving. When the Universe gives you something by grace, you merit it just because you ARE.
Little Game Changer- this week find ONE situation in which you can give someone else GRACE. Uncalled for, generous, loving mercy. Just once. This week. And I’d love it if you shared your story with me. It makes me feel amazing knowing I am actually being the change I wish to see in the world.
Chasing is HIDING the Truth from You
First let me show you some situations where the chasing indicates other problems that you are ignoring.
- You chase your kids to get them to do their homework or go to bed on time.
- You chase your mate to pay bills on time.
- You chase your friend to make time for you.
In all three of these situations you are being resisted and your response is to push harder, to do MORE or manipulate (with anger, threats, displaying hurt/playing victim).
Here the chasing is signaling you to the deeper problems that you need to address.
- Your children have respect, motivation & commitment problems. You have an enabling issue.
- Your mate has an intimacy problem and lack around money. You have an enabling issue.
- Your friend has commitment issues and lack around time. You have a fear of being alone or rejected (self-love) issue.
Do you see how chasing is just a Ski Mask hiding the faces of the crimes being committed?
I used to chase clients. NO business person would call it chasing. They called it “necessary follow-up.” I’ve taught marketing, so I know that the average person needs 5-8 touches (contacts where they keep saying no) before they buy something.
Those felt like CHASING to me because I am wired for massive action. My breakthrough was when I drew the line and determined my clients hire immediately and if they don’t, I’m not going to chase them. THEY AREN’T MINE. I don’t want the people that need 7 touches. How freeing it was to say that!
Does that mean they are bad? No. They are perfectly average but I don’t do average.
When you drop chasing you will face resistance. Chasing is EXPECTED. But as you’ve seen, it’s also crazily detrimental.
Look at Your Life
What am I chasing and how can I stop? Is the question I want you to ask yourself this week.
Are you chasing losing weight? Stop it. Stop chasing losing and start being healthy and the weight will drop.
Are you chasing the way your marriage “used to be”? Stop it. Chasing is a fear based motivation and must fail. Stand where you are and ask yourself how can you improve YOU and see what that does. If improving you destroys the marriage, then it wasn’t going to make it.
Are you chasing new clients or money? Stop it. This tells me that something else is wrong. Your product, your sales process, your lead generation, your marketing. Something is wrong that can be fixed so that you attract your prospects instead of chase them.
Look at chasing like a big red warning flag and
you’ll change your life.
Tanya Recommends:
I’ve recorded an additional 3 min audio on how chasing is EXTERNAL and why knowing that is a super important insight for your life.
Yes. You’ll want to hear it. My gift to you. 🙂
Listen here…Let me know what you think.
Think of that thing you are chasing. NOW look beneath THAT to own the truth of what is REALLY not working, that you avoid facing by continuing your chasing.
Think of that thing you are chasing. NOW look beneath THAT to own the truth of what is REALLY not working, that you avoid facing by continuing your chasing.
Chasing shows you the amount of distrust you have in God and the Universe providing for you. Logically you KNOW chasing isn’t spiritually productive and you KNOW it feels bad but you do it anyway (don’t BELIEVE). Acting on your disbelief shows you think there is no one to help you.
Dropping the chase shows faith (positive expectation). Only then can you clearly receive instructions (inspiration) on what steps to take to get what you want without a fight (aka coming into alignment).
Wow, Did You Hear?
Emilia Writes
Sincere thanks Tanya for your personal voice message. It’s so directly for me. Wow! I also listened to the call you sent me..Xcellent! I admit “Self Love” was not what I wanted to listen to yet I am admitting. No more ignoring. I also read the 7 skills [training]. I’ll integrate this more & more today as I go about my housework…
Amazing question you asked me about my “association with money” . What I love doesn’t make money yet if I made money would I hate what I’m doing? Yes, you really get it, you really are talking to me. Gosh, you’re good. Thank you. Then I’ll take a look at “Let’s wait & see what happens…[training]” So interesting! That’s so perceptive! 🙂 I’ve done so many things, so many yet. Glad I still continue. Haven’t given up.
Emilia (South Australia) flies and all 🙂
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[Focus Mag] Why You Chase & What THAT HIDES…
My Mission:
I Show those READY for Better & WILLING to Change
How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self- Expression.
Click Here to Visit FearlessFocusCoaching
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[Focus Mag] Regrets? How & WHY to Turn Those Around
Our FOCUS:
I teach from my daily life. This was a reflective weekend. My neighbor’s heart stopped 6 times in ICU and they brought him back. Yet, this past Sunday, two other people I know (unrelated) passed away. They were good people that had many struggles before they died. I am blessed because I have no regrets.
So few people could say they have no regrets.
Mostly, it’s that sudden horrible sinking feeling accompanied by “but I was going to…”, “I could have…”, “I meant to… “.
I’m going to do a public service here and tell you the truth – YOU are not freaking immortal. You are going to die and YOU do NOT know when. You need to get active NOW to stop creating more regrets…
I’m here today to help you get on with that (…this may sting a bit, truth often does).
Jim Rohn – Personal Development Legend
“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”
Today’s TRAINING:
Every time you see a study where somebody asks people on their deathbed what they want others to know – they always share their regrets. Their regrets are always the things that they did NOT do.
Nobody ever says, I regret that move to LA or trying to get the job in theater or telling them I loved them. They have a long list of things that they did NOT do and that is what is bothering them an hour before they die.
I’m wired up differently from most of you because my soul agreed with God for me to be a Massive Transformation Coach. Meaning, I swing into massive action to cause massive transformation. So just like Nike, I just do it.
While I’m thinking about this right now – I don’t have any regrets. That is a really cool feeling. It is very freeing.
So let me go ahead and give you Tanya’s definition of regret.
REGRET: The form of guilt you feel after failing to assign the proper urgency to an action truth requires OR
When Your Heart says YES and your Head says NO/MAYBE LATER and you follow your HEAD.
I see this all the time! Seriously. It makes me shake my head, because regret is PREVENTABLE.
A Setup for Regret
So follow this story – a woman contacts me with a normal list of issues – marriage ups and downs, not enough time with her kids, hates her job, doesn’t trust herself, feels like a fraud, moments of bitchy and controlling, not able to make the kind of money she wants to free her family… (don’t judge! this is a VERY normal list for my clients by the way).
I get her on the phone and in less than an hour, without her telling me her backstory, I can see the patterns of her life and where she sabotages herself. And better yet – I can see how to fix it ALL.
So I invite her to have the life that she’s always wanted and she says…
Oh yes, this is exactly what I want, exactly what I’ve been waiting for, God truly sent you… I’ll see what I can do…next year.
Here I point you to my coaching that when making a decision, there is NO Hell Maybe! Meaning everything in your life is either a Hell Yes or Hell No.
Even though she thinks she is saying “yes”, I consider her to be saying Hell No. Yes, means you act in some way, now. Everything else is Hell No.
“Yes” Words without “Yes” Actions = Regret
Here’s what’s funny (not ha ha funny, more like WTF funny), people talking to me realize I really CAN change their life and make things start to work. But many of them CAN’T get themselves to the Hell Yes (Hell Yes – is saying YES and acting on it).
They can SAY the yes, but that is a lie to themselves. Did you feel a twinge on that word “lie”? That is the truth of what you are doing when you are saying YES but not taking any action on your YES.
When you say YES and don’t act in accord with that yes, you are lying to yourself. It is like a man who SAYS he loves you but then treats you like crap. Lying right? It makes you feel better to say YES because it’s who you WANT to be, but your ACTIONS ARE WHO YOU REALLY ARE RIGHT NOW.
Most deep regrets come from a YES that we felt we should say and then we didn’t show up with the YES actions.
YES, I’ll visit you older person in frail health and then you don’t and when they die…Regret.
The action is always just around the corner. “I’m ABOUT TO hire my coach.” “I’m GOING TO save my marriage.” “I’m WORKING ON getting my sales numbers up.” “I’m ALMOST READY to forgive my Ex.”
Where are you doing this?
You all know a friend that every time you meet her out for lunch she’s “about to” start her diet the very next day. How many years has she been “about to” lose that same freaking 10 (now 20) pounds?
It is SO important that you understand that this is the perfect recipe for regret. Generally, when you put off the action part, it means you’ll never really start.
The Necessity of Urgent Action
When the crisis hits: the divorce threat, the death, the sick child, the job loss, the pay cut – your ego (which normally hates me) will immediately remind you of the moment in time BEFORE the crisis where we could’ve acted to prevent it.
Ego does that to fill you with regret.
Note for those in Sales: The hardest thing in the world to sell is prevention. That is why you are more likely to come to me when your ass is already on fire at some level. (If it’s not currently on fire, looking behind them they notice somebody carrying an arm load of wood and searching for matches.)
These people are motivated to go and go now. They are Hell YES. Those of you who think your life is OK, Good, Good Enough – are actually the MOST difficult people to help. You are under motivated.
You don’t have any sense of urgency. That inability to correctly view your current issues as urgent will lead to you having massive and profound regrets.
When the writing is on the wall, be honest, how often do you say, since THAT isn’t important “right now”, it can wait – and then you NEVER GET BACK TO IT?
Regret is always about failing to assign the proper urgency to a truth. It is where you HEART said HELL YES and you mind said NO.
To Prevent Regret You Have to LEARN To Create Your Own Urgency
We are wired, for better or for worse, to deal first with urgent situations. We have to use personal development & coaches to train ourselves to act on situations BEFORE they become urgent.
If you personally use the word “overwhelm” more than once a month – it tells you that you are very weak in that skill. It means that you let everything get into crisis state BEFORE you deal with it and then everything is too much to deal with. Sound familiar? That generates Regret.
I can look at someone’s life and predict the demise of their marriage in the near future. I can tell them that they have a window to save it. And you know what? If it’s NOT urgent enough, they don’t act.
I didn’t tell them their husband was going to file for divorce TOMORROW so they’re not motivated to take massive action today. Smokers won’t die TOMORROW so they don’t quit TODAY.
Is this you? Are you running around letting yourself pretend that the truth and problems you see DON’T require immediate and massive action, meriting changes from you right the hell now?
You. Will. Regret. This. (Never met a single smoker with cancer feeling proud they DIDN’T quit earlier.)
Don’t make death have to come to your door to make you assess how you’re living and the choices you are NOT making.
And 16 seconds after regret arrives, guilt unpacks it’s U-Haul and moves into your guest room.
If even one of you reading this today decides to stop and prioritize something that’s an issue NOW before it becomes a crisis, so that you don’t have to try to ‘live with the regret’ of your refusal to act (and yes it is a refusal…) – I have done my job today.
If I ticked you off or poked you, I did it out of love to wake you up. I want a better life for you right now. (Oh and call the person who first came to mind as you read this. Do that NOW. I called my Dad.)
Tanya Recommends:
While editing I recalled a regret I had before, that I forgave myself for. I had a friend in law school who was a teammate with me when we won The First Amendment National Moot Court Championship. After graduation, I let our friendship drop to “Christmas card” level. So I didn’t know her marriage was in trouble.
Her husband, a UGA Professor, shot and killed her and 2 other people in Athens, GA April 25, 2009.
I learned of her death on the news while in a restaurant. My last regret was noticing she didn’t use a married return address label on the Christmas card 5 months before her death. Intuition spotted it and I thought, I should check on her & her marriage and I didn’t. I’d later wish, that I’d even just sent a card.
My resource for you this week is Blue Mountain Arts Online E-Cards – I love them & I’ve been a member for years. I always buy their paper cards at airports when I see them (they are pricey but they make really nice cards with thick, wavy paper).
Use their 7 day free trial – you can send unlimited cards here.
Send the cards you need to and send them NOW! Just say Hi or I miss you or I’m sorry.
Take a look at something in your life that you know you need to attend to that you’ve decided is not “urgent”. If it would be easier to act NOW to prevent, manage, control or generate the outcome you WANT – then decide to take ONE single action today. Take one step. It might be as simple as two minutes of Google searching. Me? I just scheduled my overdue mammogram. (It took 7 whole minutes to get a spot 2 days out. I made it URGENT.)
The energy of regret acts just like the energy of guilt. It paralyzes you from taking steps to correct what is wrong and builds a pattern of NEVER acting in time. The concept of atonement is a good one here. Atone for your past regrets by taking CURRENT massive action to prevent forming new regrets. Start with your smallest regrets and work upward. Bonus tidbit: You cannot see future opportunities while in a state of regret because regret is ALWAYS backward looking.
Wow, Did You Hear?
Cooper M…
Hello Tanya,
Thanks! I caught the tail end of your call today. For me the message was “service”.
I’m finally catching up to your initial advice. I filed [for divorce] again, working with a parenting coach, had a prelim hearing, moving out soon, moving back once [my Wife] finds a place for her and the Children closer to school, and starting a new job (Senior IT Security Consultant).
Feeling good and the feeling is growing despite not having all the answers and knowing all the details first. This is strange for me. Thanks for being you and continuing to do what you do. You are an inspiration.
Cooper
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[Focus Mag] Regrets? How & WHY to Turn Those Around
Talk To Tanya
My Mission:
I Show those READY for Better & WILLING to Change
How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self- Expression.
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[Choices] Stuck? Read My Poem…
A Poem..
Why Can’t I Go?
Why can’t I go?
It’s not that there are no chances or spots or places to for me to be
It’s not that I actually totally cannot see
It’s just when these opportunities come and FIND me
There’s always a “NO” inside that blinds me
But still I read the books and into conferences I go
I felt the ‘A-ha’ a hundred times and then thought “NOW I know!”
Yet…still…why can’t I go?
The law says there’s only love and fear gives ever a bad end
But I still I lash out in anger at my family and my friends
Tanya shows choices and actions. Just start. Hey, here’s how
I believe her. I know she’s right. And I’ll do it. Just…not…now.
Then I start to spin and start wondering again WHO I am
And the softest whisper in my heart reminds me that – I CAN
And still I find 1000 ways to pretend I don’t say NO
My new life is knocking – why the hell can’t I go?
It’s the money, I don’t have it and maybe the kids, they need me too
But I feel like a fraud every time I don’t do what I should do
I wish there was a button, a pill or a potion
There’s got to be something for FREE that will keep my butt in motion
And every time I have the chance – whenever it comes by
I say next time, tomorrow, maybe later. And then I wonder… why?
I know there is no perfect timing, no way to be secure
I know that putting things off never “sparks” a cure
I WANT to change. I WANT to serve. Oh God please help me grow.
And still I have no reason, with ALL this truth I know…
So very clear that love and joy depend on seeds I sow –
so, why, oh why…why don’t I just MAKE myself go?
Tanya Stewart, Esq. (c) 2016
P.S. I so want you to act on what you know but don’t yet believe. I am a Massive Action coach and you have to step towards the fear for me to catch you honey.
I show those READY for Better & WILLING to Take Massive Action How to Transform their Lives from Messes to Miracles, Overflowing in Loving Relationships, Vibrant Health, Visible Wealth & Perfect Self-Expression.
Get Off Your Own Brakes.
[Choices] Stuck? Read My Poem…
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