[Focus Mag] Soulmates: A Crash Course (Romantic & Friends)


Everything you ever wanted to know about soulmates. OK, maybe not everything… How about everything Tanya has discovered about soulmates that I THINK you should know? That works.

Let’s start! Married? Keep reading, this is about more than romance!


       Paul Coelho, Brazilian lyricist and novelist best known for “The Alchemist”

Important encounters are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.



Today’s TRAINING: Lets’s Tackle Soulmate FAQs!

One Soulmate vs. Many Soulmates?

I thought for years (OK most of my life) that I only had one soulmate. In fact, I thought I found him. This guy became the screensaver of my heart. I could have a relationship with someone, but more or less the moment it ended, my heart defaulted back to Marcus.

When Marcus finally gave me the proverbial boot to head – which I sorely needed because I really wasn’t getting the idea that he loved me but still didn’t want to date me – I settled and began dating my then best friend and future ex-husband. 

I thought my world had become unhinged because I had lost my soulmate! 
When you think there’s only one this is the world ending moment. I have since learned that there are soul groups and there are many soulmates.

I estimate that I have hundreds of soulmates, all Alpha men whom I could marry and live happily ever after with in varying degrees of bliss. That is very comforting to me. If one runs or flakes, God cues up the next available one who fits me well and is an upgrade 😉 My beliefs always have the next man that shows up being better than the last! Use this on jobs, opportunities and men – whatever you’ve got.

What do you need to know? There is not just one soulmate for you. 
My friend Ruth recently lost her husband and soulmate of over 30 years. She’s not looking but there are mates for her still.

Romantic Soulmates vs. Friend Soulmates

There are different kinds of soulmates! Some are meant to be romantic, some are friendship, some are business connections and some are borne to you as your actual family members. These are souls who hooked up with you before you were here and you guys agreed to help each other once you arrived. 

When you meet this soul your lesson will be queued up almost immediately.

My best friend is definitely a soulmate. My favorite ex-boyfriend (that’s only slightly tongue-in-cheek, he HAS been a master teacher to me) was definitely a soulmate. 

What Do Your Soulmates Do?

Ha ha! They are not there just to stare into your eyes and recite love poetry to you. Soulmates arrive for a very specific reason – for you to heal your wounds (or handle your shit, same thing). 

Relationships are the laboratory of the spirit, so God really does pick out a person that fits with you in such a way that you are brought to your own attention. The Elizabeth Gilbert definition above from Eat, Pray, Love above is the finest I’ve ever seen. 

Remember, the law of attraction works in two different ways.  The one people are most familiar with is the law of like to like, to bring to you that which you already are. The purpose of that is to allow you to create more of what you are and what you’re focusing on. The secondary purpose is to show you what you’re actuallybeing in any moment. 

It is that second portion of the law, that serves another purpose, to heal you by bringing to you whatever will trigger your wounds. (See Focus Mags on “Bottoming  and “Is God Trying to Tick You Off”). 

The Universe believes that if we knew we were wounded, we would fix it. I know, weird right?

Say for example, you are very impatient (most Alphas are). A mate can be brought to you that requires crazy amounts of patience, testing your very core. That is the point of that person!

When Do They Arrive?

How they show up has more to do with your beliefs and expectations than you think. Your deepest beliefs and expectations are laws in your world. For instance, I have a deep belief that my mates will recognize me instantly. So…they do. Some people think that kind of connection takes time, so it will. 

It does tend to be true that they seem to come out of nowhere. You can engineer meeting a regular person but your soulmates find you

What Happens When They Arrive?

Sparks, drama and explosions are common. There are things about this person that will feel familiar, comfortable and safe. I consider these areas of overlap as ‘recognition markers’ put in place to get you to strap in and ride this ride. 

You usually need those comfort signs because when and if things start going sideways – they will go that way fast and epically. This person will trigger your junk. And your first response will be to leave or fight!  If you both trigger each other simultaneously, usually everybody leaves. If one person triggers the other person more, then you might get to see them start backing off from you and feel very hurt.

It’s not you. It’s the truths they are confronting about themselves because you have arrived.
 I call that mirroring. 

What Is Mirroring?

First, mirroring occurs in your normal life. The world you see mirrors to you the state of your inner self. 

If everywhere you go, you get bad service, rude drivers, crazy people and bad weather – the world is mirroring an internal state of turmoil in you. I used to get those things and I don’t anymore. 

When a soulmate arrives, you want to notice the issues that they’re presenting to you. Usually these issues are inside of you somewhere. Sometimes the issues are old ones you’ve conquered and it is more in the nature of a graduate exam. You had a lesson, got it wrong, saw your error and this is your chance to “practice it live.”

The Alpha mate that showed up for me, I mirrored wounds to him and he mirrored an old focus to me plus a graduate exam. (Spoiler: I passed!) 

I’m going to do a different post talking about the importance of being able to receive love from other people. That is the wound he has. His ego was beside itself that everything about the two of us looked and felt too good to be true. He was not in a place of readiness to receive healthy love, right now, it was too scary. He went into a form of flight known as self-sabotage. (Male Alphas self-sabotage too).

My old focus was on how a man gave. I have been taught to now focus on how a man receives. That reflects the shift in me from a woman looking to GET FROM her love, to a woman looking to GIVE TO her love.

His ego couldn’t convince him to run away from something that felt so wonderful to him but it could convince him to do dumb shit until he ruined it. I saw it happening and couldn’t stop the train he was on. His self-sabotage was his words and actions didn’t match. His words were a fantasy, but his actions were weak.

How Can A Soulmate “Ruin” It?

Two words: Free Will. We all have free will and we continue to have it even after a soulmate arrives in our lives. We do not have to heal our wounds or handle our shit. We are free to blame and avoid and rationalize. 

Just because the Universe lined them up doesn’t mean they have to stay. And importantly, they usually will find it very difficult to stay if they do not handle their own stuff. It will remain a wedge between you and some folks begin to associate the discomfort of “their stuff” with the presence of “you”. 

Soulmate Forever or Your Soulmate For A Season?

You guessed it. There are some soulmates to come into your life to stay forever. There are some that are there for a moment, an event or a decade. Releasing a soulmate with grace is difficult to do because they imprint upon you deeply. 

Here’s the reason why you want to bless a soulmate if they’re headed toward the door, you need to give to them what you want given to you – choice.

As an Alpha coach, I spot patterns and in the Alpha that I was with, I knew how he was struggling with his ego uncoached. My exam? To NOT coach. To NOT engineer anything. To NOT push him.

Difficult stuff for a strong Alpha and I did fabulous! I saw my old pattern and where I could’ve rationalized intervening because he’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Didn’t do it. I told the truth of my feelings and when he began self-sabotaging us, I didn’t pretend not to see it. I was willing to release future love rather than have it hurt me in the present. 

He’s already returned wanting a “do-over” but I know who I am and what I want and what I’m worth. I am again focused on my mate in the abstract, as opposed to this guy personally. He has to do his internal work if he wants real love.

The bar for admission for him is higher now than on his first try. 
That’s a big deal. I used to LOWER the bar to make it easier for the wash outs to qualify. I was not always self-loving! 

My biggest gift is knowing to focus on a man’s ability to receive rather than his inclination to give. Receiving love is the harder of the two 💗

I’m awed that my energy is attracting my soulmates now. I am Purse Ready. I don’t have anything to do or prove. Just live my life, serve and be happy. First soulmate that passes his mirroring exam with me wins the girl!

Tanya Recommends:

AirBnB. Heard of it? Folks rent out rooms in their home or even the entire home. You get great locations, help like you are a house guest and best of all amazing rates!  
Want a little getaway? Pick a place and hop on and see what the prices look like. I just recommended them to an Alpha from group. If you use my link, you get a $40 credit too 🙂

I’ve used it a lot in California and Australia. My friend I told has begun hosting and is earning $100-400+ extra a month. 





Early in any relationship, have a talk with the lover, friend, business partner, whoever about how to handle disagreements. 
Do NOT wait until you have one. Have an agreement in place about how you approach the other or a phrase to say if you aren’t feeling heard perhaps can SAVE a relationship. 
The trick? Do it well before you need it. This is true with children also. Tell them the process for coming to you if they feel you’ve hurt them and tell them what you’ll do if they disrespect you. It takes extra anxiety out of the already stressful event!




It is comforting to think that some souls had a plan to meet up and they found us. No matter how it plays out, they have come to serve as a conduit to greater growth. Always look for your own lesson when you meet such a person and be humble, they have something to teach you that you need to know.


Wow Did You Hear?


Alpha Admitting Her Struggles During Coaching


Looking back, I don’t know how you haven’t killed me. I’m better now. Like myself better now and feel like life can really be good…so, thank you Coach!

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My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop


in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your

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Tanya Stewart
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