[Balance] The Double Edged Sword #4 – Alphas are INDEPENDENT

It’s Scary & Hard…So I’ll Do it ALONE


This week is the last of our 4 strong Alpha traits that lead to over-focusing on the strength and ignoring it’s weakness! Hello you Lone Wolves. Yes, we are Planners, Analyzers and Crisis Managers.


Let’s take a look at you Alpha as totally INDEPENDENT.


Catch up Here – The Double Edged Sword #3 – The Rescuers The Double Edged Sword #2 – The Analyzers, The Double Edged Sword #1 – The Planners



Super Power Trait: Independence


Skill Set: Toact alone, without support, in the face of difficulty and succeed.


Weakness: Your amazing independence trait make you ISOLATED. The better you are handling things alone, the HARDER it is for you to ask for, receive and work with the SUPPORT of others.  Because you are EPIC at going it alone, you subconsciously reject help to stay alone. 


Superpower Independence makes you sabotage the love, support and guidance actually available to you.


How does that screw you up?


You get used to fighting alone. Conan, Rocky, The Terminator, Rambo. All Lone Wolves, always getting ready for battle alone and under the hardest conditions. Your life becomes that “getting ready for battle against impossible odds” fight prep montage scene in every action movie!


Here is the cycle: In the beginning you are wrongly abandoned by someone/s (usually family) and left to fend for yourself. Abandonment is the most common core wound of an Alpha woman.  You are forced to struggle and win ALONE.


Next, you try asking for some little help and that becomes a nightmare, often ending with an “I will help you” that always turns into… “Just can’t make it this time!” That gets old QUICK. Easier to plan to do it alone than be surprised by people bailing on you, right? (We all think that.)


Result? You stop asking. You stop EXPECTING dependable support. You start attracting victims who really cannot support you. That forces you to become even MORE Independent. The trap springs shut and the cycle is locked!


Alphas don’t ask for help. When you do, you tend to ask people who are wiggly who perfectly fit our “we are on our own” world view. It is critical that you start believing that help is not only available but it is your right to receive it while working on your life’s purpose.



Surrender to Allow Support So You Can Lead & Be Loved


A good leader doesn’t do all the work or play all the spots on a team. A great leader attracts capable people and can allow support . We all know what it is like to work for someone who does not value our skills and insists on doing everything! Don’t be that person.


You cannot inspire confidence if you are not growing the trust of those around you.  We trust you if you can see how we can contribute and LET SOMEONE ELSE DO IT.


Love? I could teach on this for a month (hmm, maybe I will…).


Men (the masculine) protects and provides. If YOU are always doing the protecting and providing, where have you left room for a healthy man in your life?


Alphas squish, squash, intimidate, feminize and neuter men. Yep, I said it. Often you don’t even realize that you are doing that. I didn’t. I just thought I was being “independent” and protecting myself from repeats of past hurts. That led to a cycle of me attracting WEAK men who would fail to support me and me saying “See! I was right!!”


If your marriage is a constant fight or in it’s 4th year of “roommate” land – something is WRONG. You need to take aggressive (we are good at that!) action right now to either save this marriage or tell the truth that it’s a 1973 Ford Pinto that really doesn’t need more “repairs” to keep it on the road.


You cannot be in a healthy, loving relationship and maintain total independence and control. What would be the point?


Surrendering total independence to have a healthy team, healthy marriage and healthy spiritual relationship with your Source is NOT a punishment! Its a freakin’ reward! Remember being the sleepy little kid in the back seat while your dad drove the family home late a night?  That was AWESOME.


We are stubborn about the “value” of our independence.  Knowing when to be Independent and when to be Surrendered is very tricky for Alphas.  It took me years and tens of thousands of dollars of study. If you want me to speed that up for you, click here.


Get clear on this my lovely one: You are not better off alone.  You can attract in the love and support you really want WHEN we do the work on you to heal what forced you into early independence and isolation.


I am finding lots of Alphas became the “adult” in their families during childhood. That was me. After my parents divorced, I lived with my father and ran the house & creditors for him before I even had a period.  If that was you, hit reply and let me know!


You are beautiful and powerful and do not have to go it alone. Lower your armor (defenses) and learn how to let in support. It takes a village to build a child AND a millionaire, so you need help to unlearn what has kept you safe up until now.


In Joy,



P.S  Back home in the US after 18 days!  It feels a little surreal that you can simply choose to be on the other side of the planet, 10K miles (15K km) away and just do that. 

My trip there ended up being a giant personal retreat and I found new layers of myself. That means I found new “old” wounds to heal and did that! I feel shiny and new. The journey to yourself doesn’t stop and your physical life will always out picture as the level of internal work you’ve done. Always.

P.P.S. I enjoyed time with an Alpha mate candidate in Australia. I teach what I live and live what I teach. Will he end up as my final mate? I do not know. 🙂 I am surrendered. I am not in control nor trying to control it and therefore I am peaceful. I am capable of being totally independent, yet I choose NOT to be, thus allowing fantastic support to reach me. THAT is power. (I’m not even in control of the camera – watch 23 sec video above!) 

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 


She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 


ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 



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Tanya Stewart
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