[Focus Mag] Anatomy of an Alpha, Part 1 (Who ARE You?)
My life caught fire when I figured out who I was and gave myself permission to be…THAT. Once I knew who I was, who I served was right there – clear, obvious and kinda easy.
Why easy? Hint: You tend to be born to serve…YOU!
Alphas are me. Different colors. Strengths and histories. At different spots on my timeline but…still me. It’s why its so easy to love you and how I understand you so quickly.
The more of you I meet, the more of you I KNOW, the more I see our similarities. We have common “orgin” stories. Patterns with men and money. Ginormous self-trust issues that show up as “other’s trust issues.” We are not wired to accept help. Etc…
I want you to know WHO you are. It is the truth and it will begin the process of setting you free.
I’ll do this in 3 Training Posts. In Part 1 today, we’ll look at what we are NOT and our high value skill sets. In Part 2, we’ll dive into Alpha Challenges and what we really want. In Part 3, we’ll look back at our beginning to see how Alphas are forged and the specific Alpha Sabotages we ALL go through.
Somewhere in a coaching post, I’ll explain Alpha Fears (we’ve got a standard set, factory issue apparently! Although we often upgrade.)
Today’s TRAINING: Anatomy of an Alpha, Part 1
It is almost always easier to start with the negative, thanks to the evolution of brains that are wired to focus on that.
See if you recognize any of these labels Alphas are given by others who do not understand us:
Too Smart – Too Loud – Too Pretty – Too Powerful – Too Bossy – Too Happy – Too Hyper – Too Spiritual – Too Aggressive – Too Opinionated – Too Controlling – Too Dominant – Too Anal – Too Logical – Too Cold – Too Judgmental – Too Confident – Too Arrogant – Too Sexy – Too Bitchy – Too Distant – Too Good for… – Too Know it All – Too Impatient – Too Selfish – Too Driven – Too Businesslike – Too Talkative – Too Intimidating – Too Pushy – Too Fast – Too Demanding – Too Greedy – Too Spoiled – Too Assertive – Too Emotional – Too Passionate – Too Protective – Too Fierce – Too Uptight – Too Serious – Too Different – Too Wild – Too Insatiable – Too Manly – Too Hard – Too Perfect – Too Picky – Too Irritating – Too Disruptive – Too Calculating – Too Analytical – Too Territorial – Too Sensitive – Too Focused – Too Unladylike – Too Friendly – Too Extroverted – Too Nosy – Too Crazy – Too Much…
Too DAMN ALPHA.
Okay. Writing that was interesting and therapeutic because I’ve gotten EVERY SINGLE ONE of those & bet I missed a few! Happily, since I’ve done the work I train Alphas to do, I DON’T GET THAT B.S. ANYMORE!
Now do a quick scan on most of the adjectives. Did you notice that when many of those descriptors are applied to a man, it’s a compliment?!
Yep, Alpha women are women who spend more of their time in their masculine energy and are good at that masculine energy. That’s not popular UNLESS folks needs to get shit done. THEN, they love us!
For my Soft Alphas, you had these traits too and you went into hiding. You compensate and try to appease folks more than an Alpha does so you WON’T get called these “names.”
I am here to tell you that if you drop the word “Too” most of these are not an issue. It is the amount and the timing that is getting you into trouble Alpha.
The only tool most Alphas have before they begin with me, is the pushing, driving masculine energy. It’s what we know. It’s what has always worked for us and even though we can see it costs us sometimes, we resign ourselves to just pay the cost.
What if you didn’t HAVE to struggle? What if success didn’t cost what you think it does?
You are not broken Alpha. You are lovely, powerful creation of the light. A lesser Goddess allowing in a bandwidth that exceeds what others commonly allow. You are meant for greatness and every moment you don’t go, you suffer. Every moment you play small, you feel it. You don’t even know what your Divine Mission is, but you know you’ve got one. (Hint: It’s big enough to scare you!)
If I were sitting with your right now at your kitchen table, I’d laugh and hug you and squeeze just a little too tightly, so you could feel one of your own tell you that come from Amazonian stock. Magnificent and you must be trained.
Merely being an Alpha isn’t enough, that is talent without training. You must be trained to know your skills, your weaknesses, your passion and purpose. To learn how to love YOU so you can attract those who can also love you, as-you-are.
Alpha High Value Skill Sets
We protect. We provide. We problem solve. We lead. We nurture. We see possibilities others don’t see. We want MORE. We risk. We course correct. We self-evaluate. We command intense focus in emergencies. We process very fast. We want the truth. We are ride or die. We are LOYAL. We are goal driven. We are either OFF or ON. We love deeply. We are creators. We think out of the box or even, screw the box. We are strong starters. We naturally take control. We are efficient. We are learners. We are warriors and will fight if necessary. We are advice givers. We are good lovers to the right partner. We are cheerleaders. We hold back the dark. We fix things (all things!), we are master fixers.
We are so useful that once folks see what we can do, they give us more and more and more. We are often given what is not “ours” to do because we will find a way to do it. Thus, the ability to say NO is critical to an Alpha because there is little you CANNOT do. The test must not be your ability, the threshold must be limited to only your responsibility.
***Learning to determine what you are and are NOT responsible for is essential to you having a life without struggle.
Your Question Alpha, is never “Can I?” but rather “Should I?”
Because we are fixers and can do about anything, ego has developed the perfect poison for this combo -> Rescuing. We rescue folks with our high value skill sets instead of using our gifts to further our own purposes and reduce our own struggle. Stop It.
Because of these skills sets, you often cannot find your way. You are TOO GOOD AT EVERYTHING to pick ONE THING. So you keep changing horses and never finish the race.
Our deep skill set is part of what makes Alphas strong starters and poor finishers. An uncoached Alpha does not yet have the building blocks of commitment in her life (self-trust, self-love and self-worth). Without that commitment, things go sideways after you begin and you’ve learned to either bail or stay and suffer.
Alphas get what they ARE not what they want. That commitment issue you’ve got attracts people who bail on you, say they will and won’t and weak ass men (they have to be or you’d chew them up). So you are pretty convinced that many folks can’t or won’t have your back.
The very skills that make us indispensable in business and formidable as opponents KILL us in relationships. That is because we use our high value skills to compensate for the inner, emotional heart work that we kinda don’t want to do.
You’ve tried. It just didn’t work out well, so you went with what you know, right?
You are an Alpha. You are extreme to most, frightening to many and beloved of me. I know you. I am you. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m installing wiring to light the whole damn thing for us.
You are not too much. You are merely a warrior as yet untrained…
Tanya, Alpha & Leader of Alphas
See you in Part II
This site will create a FREE word cloud image of whatever words you give it! Play with it. Start off my picking out your trait and putting those in a colorful word cloud that you keep on your phone, perhaps as your screen saver. Remind yourself that who you are RIGHT now is highly valuable 🙂
The cloud below is all of the “Too _____” adjectives from above!
Go through the list and pick out the 3 you’ve heard most often and write them down.
Now tell yourself an example where each of these 3 “insults” is actually a strength when use in the right place and the right time.
A hammer is a wonderful tool, but not for breaking eggs or sewing.
We are all capable of knowing ourselves and when we do not, it is because we are afraid to look.
When you are afraid to look, it is because you have decided you will not like or accept what you see. How or why should anyone ELSE like, let alone love, what they see if you cannot bear to look?
Know yourself and own what you find, good or bad. From there, you can go anywhere.
Wow, Did You Hear?
76 yr Old Flying/Tap Dancing Alpha!
“I am really enjoying your posts, Tanya. You’re right…..we don’t celebrate enough. My tap dance group will be performing in 2 weeks. I am already celebrating that I can remember all the steps and “perform” (big smiles, strong arms and hands flaring, stomps where called for, and oh yes….doing a fast time step).
Also, another new thing in my life….flying. My new boyfriend (age 81) is still a pilot and is teaching me how to fly his acrobatic plane. I mean, what happens if he keels over in mid flight? I have to learn how to bring it in, right? Well, even taxiing is difficult in a tail-dragger type airplane….you have to have your feet on the rudder and brake and apply them with force if necessary. Who knew?
Looks really simple from the back seat, but when he puts me in the FRONT seat….EEEEK! However, I am up to it (even at age 76). When we flew in to the air show at Riverside, I’m sure we were the oldest couple landing…..let’s celebrate THAT!
Hugs and continued success to you!”
76. Tap dancing in a SHOW GIRL’S COSTUME with a NEW PILOT Boyfriend (81). Any other Alphas got some excuses for me??? Mic drop.
— Tanya 🙂
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