[Alpha] The Alpha’s Cheat Sheet to HERSELF (Summarized)

The Alpha’s Cheat Sheet to HERSELF​


The last two months I have been teaching you about the 3 Life Cycles of An Alpha. Let’s put it all together now! If you missed any bits, this will refresh you all in one go.


In the Beginning There is the FIGHT


In the beginning of our lives, into our middle twenties we FIGHT for everything.


We Fight Our Men: The Alpha herself does not feel good enough, because of her initial family abandonment, so we find men who are also not good enough. Then we attempt to fix them.


We do not feel that we can have a man who is already good enough, so we pick ‘fixer uppers’ as projects.


Remember, Alphas are RESCUERS and this is the origin of the rescue. Find someone who is wounded and damaged and heal him and then he HAS to love you, right? He won’t leave you, right?


Unfortunately, as you know, that’s not true. But during the Fight Cycle we don’t know that yet. So, we keep finding men that are identical to us (wounded) and fighting to change HIM into what we need.


We Fight Our Family/Friends/Co-Workers: You are running around trying to get whatever you DIDN’T get as a child (approval & love) from folks who don’t have it either! You compensate in these relationships with your superpowers because you blame yourself for NOT being loved.


Note: Soft Alphas fight initially and then get more used to giving in unless cornered.


Weary of Fighting, Late 20’s+ We Seek Control


Why do we control our men? (shh, we call it “helping”)


We control by rescuing and helping in hopes he won’t leave us and he’ll give us the love and approval we are not giving ourselves.


Why do we want to control everybody else?


We don’t WANT to be controlling. We have to be. Control protects us from being harmed to cover up our true fears inside. It is also how we make people meet our needs for love & approval.


We are love and approval addicts. (Read: How I Got Off Drugs)



We Need to SURRENDER the Need to Fight and Control to Be Loved


Here are your 3 steps to Surrender:


Step #1 The Physical Action is Learning to Receive, which Alphas are weak at. It requires you to intentionally STOP and then express gratitude for what is being given.


Step #2 The Mental Action is Choosing to Allow. Surrender attracts help from sources stronger than you, only if you can allow your focus to shift away from what needs changing and follow someone ELSE leading you to safety in their own way.


Step #3 The Feelings are you Confidently Asking and feeling relief WHILE asking for the help, because your expectation of aid has no doubts. You are not waiting until help is received to relax.


Admit that you fight. Notice that you control. Surrender the need to be right and let love grow.


Re-read all of the training posts in areas you are weak. Need help? Ask.


In Joy,



P.S  Knowing who you are brings clarity and clarity is power Alpha. Knowing where you are in your growth and life cycle gives you choice and choice is our favorite thing. It’s a prerequisite for FREEDOM. Tell the truth. Set yourself free…


This is me teaching 130 people about responsibility and accountability all day. It was a JOY. I showed them how you WANT accountability and I’ve showed you the strength in surrender. I’m a counter-intuitive, indirect goals coach. 😊

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 


She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 


ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 



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Tanya Stewart
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