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[FOCUS] How to Do Something UNCOMFORTABLE (that you don’t want to do…)
How to Do Something Uncomfortable (that you don’t want to do…)
#1 – Give yourself permission to be sucky.
Remember we agreed that if you’ve never done it before it’s silly to imagine that you SHOULD (or even COULD) do it fabulously the first time. You need to remind yourself that you are likely to be sucky at the beginning. So go ahead and give yourself PERMISSION to be sucky, to fail, to screw-up and in general take a long time doing it.
Why this trick works: It defeats your PERFECTIONISM which is your ego’s tool to keep you from ever STARTING anything that you can’t COMPLETE perfectly.
#2 – Put yourself under some type of time pressure.
Humans are competitive and we will race a clock. Whatever it is you need to do give yourself about 1/10 of the time needed to do it. Yes, you read that right. In my free Block Movers training series this is similar to my DT Tool.
Why this trick works: Your focus on beating the clock will shift your focus OFF hating doing the thing. Ever tell kids to pick up as many toys as they can in 30 seconds? (That still works & it works on YOU. Use it.)
#3 – Tell somebody else you’re going to do it.
You don’t want to look like an idiot telling somebody that you were going to do X and then when they ask, you didn’t do it. Just be sure you don’t tell them you’re going to complete it or do it wonderfully or set too high a bar.
Why this trick works: We are hard wired to seek approval. You want your friend to be proud of you and praise you so you will do your stuff. This is why buddies going to the gym works.
#4 – Pick out your reward for doing a little thing.
This is not a reward that waits until you’ve completed cleaning out the entire garage. This is a reward for you going in there and doing the 10 minutes that you SAID you do.
Why this trick works: Are you kidding? Everybody likes bribes. Gifts rule. If you REALLY want to supercharge this – hand a friend $10 and tell them to pick out & buy your reward. NOW it’s a reward and a surprise! You will shock yourself at how happily you will perform for this incentive.
#5 – Connect conquering this thing to conquering something really important to you.
Cleaning the garage can be connected to saving a marriage. Decluttering to weight loss. And make no mistake – when you forge that energetic link in your mind – that’s a real thing and it produces real results FOR BOTH AREAS.
Why this trick works: You are increasing the value of the task you don’t like by making it symbolize progress on something super valuable to you. Few like the gym, everybody wants to look good on the beach. I call it Energetic transference of motivation.
Do ALL 5 when it’s something you really don’t want to do and it WILL get done. I promise.
You Answered: What Will I Do That’s Uncomfortable For Me?
One of the most touching replies I received was from a woman outside the US. She is stepping up to try to save her 30 year marriage (I’m PROUD of You Mrs. X!).
I told her that the most common mistake I see people make is to go to marriage counseling.
What?! Yes, taking a long time strained marriage with emotional abuse to marriage counseling is putting the cart before the horse.
FIRST, each spouse needs individual coaching or counseling. Then after some progress has been made, joint counseling can be considered. If coaching is effective, it is often not necessary as two newly healthy, functioning adults can now communicate and problem solve on their own.
Otherwise, each person tries to have their PERSONAL needs met on “JOINT/SAVE THE COUPLE” time. Show him/her I was right! That energy screws up the counseling every time and everybody loses.
I loved her so much for sharing that with me, I offered to coach not her, BUT HIM. {!firstname_fix}, just imagine what I could fix for you…hmmmmm.
P.S. If you are struggling with your relationship or you have the dreaded “roommate marriage” – let me help you. If it is save-able, I can show you how to save it. (If it’s a 1972 Pinto that hasn’t run in 8 years, I’ll help you own that & release it.)
P.P.S. Do NOT use the 5 steps above ON children but by ALL means TEACH the steps TO your children so they have a tool to use on THEMSELVES.
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