[Focus Mag] 4 Steps to Set Yourself Up for Success


Our FOCUS: Setting yourself up for success
You can use my 4 Step Formula which works for everything apparently – I’ve taught you to use it to make ANY kind of decision and figure out why you are stuck. 

1) Commitment         2) Clarity        3) Choices      4) Action

Now we’ll use it to set you up for success when you begin to do anything new. 

Success doesn’t just HAPPEN. Get ready to learn a simple plan you can begin applying today!


      Zig Ziglar, Author, Salesman, World Famous Motivational Speaker

You were born to win, but to be a winner, you must PLAN to win, PREPARE to win and EXPECTto win.” 



Today’s TRAINING: 4 Steps to Set Yourself Up for Success

Here are your 4 Steps: 1) Commitment     2) Clarity        3) Choices       
4) Action

Think of whatever it is you want or need to do. More sales? New business? Weight loss? Take action on your coaching? (I like that one A LOT). Got it? Now let’s run it through the 4 steps.

Step 1: Commitment

Commitment is where an Alpha needs to pick what she’s going to do. You’re going to pick it and STICK. To actually stick, you need to know WHAT it is clearly and WHY you want to do it. (And hopefully you “want” to do it instead of “need” to do it. We find ways to avoid stuff we “need” to do…) 

The question for commitment is “WHAT am I doing and WHY?”

The surest way to torpedo any project is to begin without a clear vision as to the goal that you are attempting to create. It wastes energy starting fuzzy. 

Please note, that I did not say that you needed to know HOW you were going to create it. You don’t need the HOW, you do need to know WHAT you want to accomplish.

A really obvious and easy example is say you want to enter a relationship with your perfect Alpha mate. You may not know “how” to meet him, but you can be very clear on WHAT IT IS YOU WANT and what kind of man he is. 

I have an Alpha right now working on that goal and she has attracted a number of very high-quality suitors (a date transporting her in a private plane quality). I just sent her the notes we created on WHO her man is, to remind her to stay on track with what she said she wanted originally – what she is COMMITTED to having. We figured out the WHO (her “what”) and God has been supplying the HOW.

Next, you need to know your WHY. The WHY is almost more important than the WHAT truthfully. If a woman is looking for a man to complete her, to overlook all of the areas in her life that are full of emotional junk and chaos and “just love her anyway”… she is in TROUBLE. That WHY is it at cross purposes to the Universe’s intention that we grow and heal our wounds.

Short answer:
 Not gonna work out. (You can’t opt of growing by having a mate that just says – “Nah, you’re fine.”)

When you’re setting yourself up for success, it is critical that your why is clean and focused on your highest values. 

Lastly, Alphas are ALL IN or ALL OUT women. So, you will be safest if you are all-in with whatever you’re doing.

  Agreeing to partial commitments or to “help out a little”. (Who are you kidding?? You won’t stop at a little, so don’t agree to “a little”.)  A partial commitment is like a man saying “I love you sometimes.” See? Less than worthless. 

Step 2: Clarity

The question to set yourself up for success with Clarity is “What is likely to screw me up or slow me down?”

Truth please.

Clarity is always all about telling yourself the truth.

Here you’re going to look for and identify all the walking on eggshell situations that could occur and eliminate those. Look for these: opportunities for negative comparisons, nervousness you’ll mess up, anyone looking for continuous perfect performance or YOU THINKING you need continuous perfect performance. 

Here I am introducing a new acroynym. S.F.L. I’ll give you two of the words.
STOP  @#!%@  Lying.  SFL to yourself.

 Not spotting the hazards on the path ahead because you are
not looking, pretending to be superwoman, don’t want to deal with what you’ll see or any other reason you use to hide from any ugly truths (i.e. lie to yourself). 

If you’re going to start a business and you know you are really bad managing money -you need to face that ugly truth. You need to look it dead in the eye and correct it or delegate it or figure out some other way to cover it. Otherwise, it will stop you and slow you down. 

If you have a busy time coming in your business and you know that your children or your lover distracts you – Clarity requires you to tell the truth about how distractible you are. Most Alphas are born Rescuers. So if your mate or your children send any type of “distress call” – you will probably drop everything and rush to their aid, whether they really need you or not.

Do you remember the ancient video game called Pitfall? The adventurer goes to the jungle and he has to swing on a vine over tar and traps and crocodiles. You have to be able to figure out in advance where your tar, traps and crocodiles are!

Be especially mindful of any situation where you feel like everything you do has to be perfect. Listen carefully: you WILL screw up! If you are in any kind of a relationship (personal, family, business or otherwise) where your performance must always be  A level, you’re in deep trouble Alpha.

If you find that you were not good at spotting and telling the truth about the ways your new project can go sideways, bring in a friend or a coach like me. Other people can see into your blind spots because our ego is not hiding the information.

When you find your traps, you must do something to fix them. 
Mitigate them. Avoid, swerve, deter and otherwise solve them before you get going. The keyword in that sentence was… Before.

Step 3: Choices

The Choice question is “What can I do to make this easier for me?”

In Choices, you are looking to make choices adding things that make what you want to do easier.

All praise crutches!
Everybody should be able to lose weight on their own. Weight Watchers IS a crutch. And…Weight watchers helps people lose a crap ton of weight.  If it will help you – use it!

Make choices that afford you extra speed.
 It is easy to use a map to navigate but most people use GPS now because it freaking talks to you! It’s easier to have your map tell you you’re going to turn right, than it is to lean across the console and try to find the darn street while you’re driving. 

Hiring an assistant is a crutch. I presently have a team of five. Paying to work in a cool workspace is a crutch. I am so productive in mine. Paying extra to get the pre-boxed protein shakes from Costco that I love – crutch! 

I have like 6 pounds of protein in my pantry. (Don’t judge!) My ego will tell you all day that I should be at home with a blender mixing that powder and almond milk. Ha, I like my crutch! It saves me time.

Pay extra to buy shirts that don’t wrinkle if you hate ironing. Figure out what choices you can make to make your project easier, so you get your success.

 Giving in to the “…but I SHOULDN’T need this help…” voice or going cheap. Pay the freaking money and smile while you do. Get good at paying for help!! It gives you speed and the only currency we all have equally is TIME. How are you using yours? Me? I’ll buy speed.

Step 4 – Actions

The Actions question is “What is my first step to take right now?”

I promise that any project you’re doing, considering or in the middle of, will work better if you do these four steps.

Setting yourself up for success means you pay attention to what you’re doing, why you’re doing it, what can block you, what you need to help you and where you need to start.

 This is where most of you want to start. So it’s no wonder you get frustrated or fail to reach your goals. It’s because you didn’t do Steps One through Three first.

I also teach that Step Four is where the Universe acts. Most people don’t begin anything because they’re waiting for the Universe to take action first. You’ve heard the famous quote, you take one step and God takes two. 

Take the four steps. Do the work. Build a path to success.

Go create something amazing! (And then give me partial credit… What? I’m your coach, that’s fair!).

Tanya Recommends:

Do you have young folks headed off to college? A friend tipped me off to this scholarship site!

It’s an app the performs scholarship matching for students. Easy and fast.

I still remember getting that huge phonebook sized book on grants and scholarships and slogging through it. I’d find one I liked and then realize I was not a male golf caddy of Irish descent!

Hope this helps your young people. Let me know if you get money!




Here is the practical tip for this week. DO the 4 steps. 

On paper is best but at least block out 30 measly minutes to run through a ‘lite’ version. It could change your entire life. 

Once you see how easy and reliable the 4 steps are you don’t have to feel overwhelmed anymore. Just stop. Breathe and whip out your 4 steps. 

What am I all-in on here & Why? What is in my way? What can I do to make my commitment work easier? Knowing all that, what is the action I start with?
The trick? Do it well before you need it. This is true with children also. Tell them the process for coming to you if they feel you’ve hurt them and tell them what you’ll do if they disrespect you. It takes extra anxiety out of the already stressful event!




We are creators and the 4 steps forces you to begin with the end in mind and HOLD onto the target while you are moving. That is a recipe for Divine Help, which arrives at Step 4. 

You tell the Universe what you want to create. You invest the energy in telling the truth about what is in your way and how you can HELP YOURSELF and then you begin where you can begin. That attracts miracles. 

If you are biblical, it connects to the parable of the widow in debt who was sent valuable olive oil to fill up as many jars as she invested the time to collect. The story teaches that we can only receive as much as we PREPARE ourselves to receive. The 4 Steps prepares you to receive and shows your active investment in your desire and so attracts success to your endeavor.

Wow Did You Hear?


 A Reader Appreciates the Message

“Thank you for showing that ONE may be more important than any other number.

If something doesn’t get started with ONE,  it may never get started. 

Great article.”


Talk to Tanya


Spread the Word!

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for

YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?


[Focus Mag] 4 Steps to Set Yourself Up for SuccessFacebook Twitter LinkedIn


Talk to Tanya


My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop


in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your

Business and BALANCE IT ALL.

[Gratitude] More Starts With ONE…


More Starts With ONE…

One. I grew ONE Sunflower.

I bought all these packs of seed and kind of randomly sprinkled.
I got a pot full of Zinnias – gorgeous, bold colored ladies.

I got some Morning Glories, which are UBER Alpha, they use the other slower growing plants as a trellis to climb! (I’ve discussed this with them at length, they are NOT backing down on this, they have seized control of their planter and seem to be plotting world domination starting with my porch!)

And ONE sunflower. I was standing outside admiring my little beauty when suddenly a bee flew up – right to my ONE sunflower. I stood back in awe as 2 more bees, one a bumble, flew in over next few minutes.

I had been thinking, she’s so beautiful and I’d focused on having more of her instead of just enjoying HER. But the bees set me straight. 

THEY were glad I’d grown her! The bees didn’t diminish her value because she was just one flower.Bees fly miles and miles (I’ve heard up to 16!). I shortened their work that day 🙂


Sometimes we don’t appreciate things without quantity. We forget all about quality and intentionality.

I am so proud that I grew my first Sunflower. I am crazily pleased that the ONE flower helped some local bees.

Weeks go by and I just yesterday I saw ONE butterfly come visit my Zinnias. 

I don’t have a fancy garden. I have a handful of flowers in pots that are beautiful to me. 

My small handful of flowers are a gift to my bees and apparently my ONE visiting butterfly.


Do not despise the day of small beginnings. Do not judge if your first or early results are small or singular. 

No great thing is born fully formed. Do I want you to have MORE? Yes. But please honor the single moments, the one accomplishment and great day that happens on the way…

If you have something that gives you joy or pleasure, don’t focus on how little you have of it. Focus on the fact that you DO have it. If you are aiming at a big goal, often it’s a great idea to aim first at a smaller piece.

Often the Universe is watching to see how you honor the humble and praise the single Sunflower you’ve grown, before it opens the floodgates of lavish supply.

This is true for ONE good day in an entire week, ONE good sales call, ONE great outfit that fits you perfectly. Practice your gratitude for the single points of goodness in your life so that they can expand into the MORE you desire.


Watch out for the habit of looking at your “ONE” in complaint or disrespect.

One sale can turn things around.

One job can save a family.

One coach can show you how to turn the corner to a life with less struggle.

Look for the singlegood things around you and praise them. 

Did you spot my ONE little lizard? He looks kind of like a Gecko. I had an adult hanging about earlier and my tiny little Universe of pots is now home to it’s little one. He was not much bigger than an inch when I first spotted him. Let me know if you think of a good name! He’s my Pest Control!


​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL.




[Gratitude] More Starts With ONE…Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Goals] In Praise of CRUTCHES…

In Praise of CRUTCHES…




I officially give you, Alpha, permission to reach your goal in a way that works for YOU.

It is very easy to get caught beating yourself up because what SHOULD work for you, doesn’t.

  • I should be able to just DECIDE to eat less meat, no sugar and drink a green smoothie every day.
  • I should be in the mood to have sex multiple times a week without encouragement.
  • I should wake up ready to jump to work on the “big project.”

If you aren’t reaching your goals EASILY, I give you permission to add the crutch you need. I give you permission to use a bribe. I give you permission to pay someone else to do the parts you can but won’t (umm, not the sex one, that’d be weird).


  • If you won’t exercise unless you pay a trainer for 24 weeks in advance – then pay HIM!
  • If you won’t eat right unless someone else cooks and delivers the food – sign up! (Why do you think all these diet plans now have food delivery components?!)
  • If you won’t work on your big project unless you set a public deadline – set that puppy!

I recently joined a co-work space that I adore!
Think of a ginormous Starbucks, minus crying children, no pressure to buy sugar laden drinks or treats plus tons of whiteboards and conference rooms you can reserve or rent. Heaven!

Notice, I AM disciplined enough to work from home. I have done that for years. But you know what? This FEELS better to me right now. It makes doing all the work I am doing (writing the Alpha Book, putting together the Alpha Woman Academy Fall summit and creating the first Alpha online course) EASIER. If it’s a “crutch”, I don’t care.

I am HAPPY to give these people my money!
The atmosphere and energy of the place is focus, productivity and freedom. Yes please!

Ego would tell you to stay and home and save the money because you SHOULD be able to do the work from your home office. Paying to sit in a public space to work is a “crutch”. Screw that.

Do what YOU need to do to get YOUR RESULT.

Some of you think you don’t need a coach, because you can ‘make yourself’ do whatever I’d have you do. Maybe you could. Maybe you will. But when??

Coaching compresses time and time is not guaranteed to you.

If you are over 40 and still “waiting” to reach your goal – consider giving yourself permission to do what you need to do to get what you want.

Do not compare yourself to others. It always looks like it’s “easy” for them from the outside. Often they are just as challenged as you are in a different area. Crutches can let you start from where you are to get where you are going.  As long as you don’t get addicted to your crutches, you are fine. 

Shout out to my new home – – Millie, you Rock!


​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL.




[Goals] In Praise of CRUTCHES…Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Focus Mag] How to Self-Diagnose Your Big Stuck Issue




I was teaching the Alphas in Group Coaching about this and just knew that this is what I am to write on and teach you.  I’m actually going to tell you how to do this and no worries, it won’t put me out of business! 

I can tell you WHAT to do but having someone help you feel safe enough to DO this…that’s the trick. 

Read on to start the journey to diagnosing your Big Problem!


      Dr. Steve Maraboli, Coach and Author – Inc, Magazine listed him as the “Most Quoted Man Alive” in 2016

The Universe doesn’t give you what you ask for with your thoughts. It gives you what you demand with your actions.



Today’s TRAINING: How Can You Diagnose Your Big Stuck Issue?

(Warning: I will tell you HOW in 10 words and then spend 800 explaining why you should believe the first 10 that you didn’t like.)

 Always assume your actions tell more truth than your intentions.

Step 1: Look At Your Actions.

I’m a coach and folks come to me to fix their big stuck issues. And despite what you may believe, there are only a handful of big stuck issues: someone doesn’t love me (i.e. I don’t love me), I can’t lose weight (i.e. I don’t love me), I can’t make money (i.e. I don’t trust me) and I can’t reach/do my life purpose (i.e. I don’t trust me).

So…look at your actions. What is it that you keep doing before, during or after the thing you are worrying about? In the case of weight loss, it might be clear to see that you don’t have the requisite discipline or will power to do what you know to do. But that is not a deep enough question! Why don’t you show up for yourself? Why are your actions pretty much the exact opposite of what you know you SHOULD do?

If your life was a silent movie, would anyone KNOW what you say you believe or want?
 Would your actions show people what you SAY you believe in? Or would they paint the opposite picture? I coached an Alpha that sold health products that wouldn’t stop smoking. That didn’t work out. Her actions were speaking so loud no one could hear what she was saying…

Step 2: Decide Your Actions Are True and Your INTENTIONS Are False.

The road to hell is paved with… yep…you said it in your head! GOOD INTENTIONS. Why is that old adage still repeated? Because it is true! Most of the greatest evils are done in the name of someone with GOOD INTENTIONS.  Why? Because ego knows you’ll put up at least a little resistance to doing what you know is wrong, so we white wash it with GOOD INTENTIONS.

In my marriage, long before the divorce, I’d ask my husband how it was that he could look at me – tell me he was sorry over and over for the samebehavior and then go do the same darn thing AGAIN.

He was devastated by my not believing his INTENTION to love me. My marriage taught me that my belief on this was weird. I focus on people’s results rather than their intentions (a coaching skillset!). He wanted credit for TRYING (even though he kept failing the same task for years).

The world has gone soft. It is demanding equal credit for trying. For intending. For hoping. Stop it!

If you are a commission sales person you really get this – you do not get paid for people who INTEND to buy your product. No commissions are paid on calls you INTENDED to make.  

Alphas giving others credit for their intentions do this for one very important reason – they don’t want to be judged by the ‘results standard’ either!

Your actions are telling you what you really believe beneath what you INTEND to believe.

  • You intend to believe you want to lose weight, your actions say our weight is okay now.
  • You intend to save money, your bank account says you like spending it more than saving it.
  • You intend to have a healthy relationship, your actions say you are still needy & hoping to get what you can’t yet give – trust.
  • You intend to find & live your purpose, your actions say you don’t keep your commitments to yourself.

Step 3: Given Your Actions and Choices, What MUST You Believe?

Rubber meets road time. Given that you don’t eat well, don’t sleep well, don’t exercise well and view food as a source of love – what MUST you believe?

That losing weight isn’t necessary right now. Totally NOT URGENT because you are afraid of it.  Something about it is linked to a deep fear and you need it to not be your fault. All that subconscious junk keeps you from acting in alignment with your conscious intentions.

Step 4: 
Admit the Truth That You Really DO Believe the Awful Thing from Step 3

That truth will often be dead opposite of what you say you want. Do you see it? That’s why you’ve never been able to GET anywhere on your big stuck issue Alpha. You have been at cross purposes to yourself all along. 

The deep truth that you have continually sabotaged exactly the thing you have MOST wanted is painful. Usually you have blocked your good for DECADES. Since it WAS you blocking it, you can release it honey!

Step 5: Without Lying About What You Formerly Believed, Begin Stating the Truth

You are NOT allowed to just say “I want to lose weight” or “I want to make money” or “I’m ready now for my true Alpha Mate.” Those are the “lies” that have held you stuck. You must tell the truth which is “I’ve been in my own way but I am ready now to begin WANTING what I say I want.”

  • I never lost weight before because part of me didn’t want to.  I own that and am changing it now.
  • I could never make and keep money before because part of me was afraid to. I own that and am changing it now.
  • I couldn’t get and keep a healthy relationship before I didn’t think he existed or would want me. I own that and am changing it now.

+ And I am proud of me for facing this ugly truth that I’m SOO ready to change!

 is how you self-diagnose a big stuck Issue and get it turned in the right direction!

Your actions are telling you what you REALLY believe. Accept it and then it can be changed. Continue to pretend that it’s a fluke that you are 40 lbs overweight and soon you’ll hit 50. (No matter how overweight you are, once it was just 5 manageable pounds that got ‘good intentioned’…)

When you do the work to change your beliefs, the actions that align with the new beliefs just flow into place. Believing you SHOULD adjust your actions before adjusting your beliefs, is a common failure causing Alphas to struggle.

I told you that you wouldn’t LIKE it. But we are Alphas and we are strong enough to do what works. And this works if you can feel safe enough to tell the truth about yourself. It really does set you free.

Tanya Recommends:

Why? If in business, it makes it easy to give a presentation to 2 or 40 people and record it. Or to train someone on something ONCE and record it.

For a family, we use a conference line to have an annual Family New Year’s Day Call that usually has 8-12+ people on it.

I’ve used mine for several years. There are ton of them out there and this is the one I know and use.

I am giving you my signup link because if anyone sends them 3 folks, you get to record a free custom greeting on your call in number. I’ve meant to refer folks to them for years to earn my greeting and I’m finally doing it.

If you want one, check them out. Happy Group Calling!




Stop freaking lying to yourself! 

If you lie to yourself, you have to lie to others and by Universal law, they have to lie right back to YOU. 

You can break the entire cycle by starting with yourself, not them.


Your intuition and guidance all come through your heart’s connection to Source. You block that connection by resistance, lies and fear. Tell the truth that your mind is CHOOSING the actions you hate. You’ll release the blockage created by pretending you are somehow doing something you aren’t wanting to do. We are creators and we have the power to create wanted and unwanted. If you disavow all of your unwanted creations, you step away from yourself as a creator (with dominion!) into the victim zone.


Wow Did You Hear?


An Alpha in Group Coaching has lost 22 lbs without trying in a few months.
And this isn’t a weight loss group – it’s a side effect!
Self-Love with truth is the best diet there is!

Talk to Tanya


Spread the Word!

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for

YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?


[Focus Mag] How to Self-Diagnose Your Big Stuck Issue Facebook Twitter LinkedIn


Talk to Tanya


My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop


in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your

Business and BALANCE IT ALL.

[Joy] Let’s Go Fly a Kite! (No, really…pics inside)

Let’s Go Fly a Kite!

Last year I used my birthday to teach you about microtrips and mini-adventures. So many of you don’t have extra joy in your life because you are “saving” it all up to get it from some HUGE thing.

Alpha, life is 85% small wins 🙂


This year my best friend learned that I had never flown a kite! I think she was flabbergasted. The woman actually owns a designated and LABELED “Kites bag” in her garage. (Legacy of being a single mom to 3 children I think…)

So after grilling me a monster steak and veggies she gave me a beautiful Kite! She’d scouted out God’s most perfect kite flying location at Berry College in Rome, GA an hour and half away.

When was the last time you let yourself grin like a child, clap your hands in glee and jump up and down in excitement? It’s GOOD for you.

And before you ask, yes, I sang the Mary Poppins “Let’s Go Fly A Kite” song at least 4 times.

My kite is named Slyvester and he is awesome. Light and agile, he flew on the slightest breeze.​​​​​

He even posed so I could get this selfie (my first Kite Flying Selfies!)

As we get older, we realize joy is in the experience – not the gift, not the money. It’s the time and the memory and the love wrapped around something you did.

Start giving whoever you love experiences. Oh, that includes YOU.

What new, novel or silly experience can you give yourself this month?

We wrapped up our day by hitting an Antiques Auction in the middle of nowhere. I LOVE THEM! I bought things that match my new Industrial metal and wood décor. My newest “old” find?

1939 RCA Victor K50 Radio.
Sold brand new for $44.50 -that’s $789.89 in today’s money. Remember, a great radio WAS the family big screen tv!!

My price? $20!

My radio introduced electronic tuning. You know how you push a button and your station pops on? That was born with my radio! 5 of her (she has been christened “Myrtle”) buttons are gone but 3 knobs are there. And I will find her pieces.

Now for the cool part. Myrtle is just shy of 80 years old. I felt a odd urge to bid on her just to get her case and my heart whispered “we could probably learn to repair her.” After buying, I saw all her glass resistors and tubes looked intact.

Her high end features?
You could play records OR television through her auxiliary port (think HDMI ports in TV’s folks) AND she has an advanced internal loop antennae (bottom left).

Myrtle WORKS!
Plugged in, light came on and turned a knob and got to sing along with “Starving”

80 years, no back, no bottom, all dust, moved how many times to find her way to my new living room?!?

The joy of the moment that I heard NEW music coming out of a Pre-World War II radio! 

A radio that was created decades before Civil Rights got momentum and only 31 years after the first Ford Model T. In 1939 a brand new nice car was about $700.

And she works. Myrtle’s HOME.

Follow your heart Alphas. It leads the most amazing places…

Need help? Ask me now.

P.S.  Joy flows from the inside OUT. Create a channel for yours to reach the surface! I’ve discovered that building furniture is my “art”. I never knew what my art was before and know I’ve found it in my 40’s! It taps me into my JOY.



​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL.




[Joy] Let’s Go Fly a kite! (No really…pics inside)Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Commitment] Fear Coasting, NOT Failing…

Fear Coasting, NOT Failing

There are considerable dangers to going “all in” for your dreams or for yourself. The danger is you get really tired, spend money or look foolish and…that’s it. That’s all.

We are more afraid of going all in for a dream and failing than afraid of ‘coasting’ through life.  

We don’t consider weak efforts 
a failure and inherently dangerous.
Weak effort used to mean your family starved to death. As things have gotten safer, we’ve gotten softer.

Lots of Native American tribes had ritual rites of passage for their young men that required them to go all in. Tests of strength and discipline and courage.  Stories I’ve heard of Braves running miles and miles holding a mouth full of water and spitting it out at the end. 

We not only do not require our children and young people to push themselves to a breaking point, we actively discourage it. The world has grown afraid of extreme effort (and yet it’s all we want on tv and from our millionaire sports heroes). What happened to “I went to the Danger Zone??”

I remember in high school my cross country coach (the distance for girls was 2.1 miles) told us we weren’t really trying unless we collapsed or threw up at the finish.  We trained on a ski slope. We’d run laps up-and-down the slope off-season and when he blew the whistle, wherever you were, you had to sprint. Today? He’d be sued for pushing us that hard. 

Somehow, somewhere along the way, giving it everything you had became “Just do your best honey.” 
And do your best somehow doesn’t actually mean do the very best you’re capable of doing anymore. 

It is way more likely if you hear someone say “I did my best” they are defending an average to mediocre performance and that phrase shields them from further attack or questioning. 

The truth is I’d never gone all in and given something everything I had until just a few years ago, as I was building my very first global Summit (The Turning Point Summit).
I’d gone traveling around the world for a month to Australia and China leaving myself with 21 days to do what I needed three months to do. And…I did it. 

And oh how it cost me! I put sleep on the back burner and I focused. I didn’t accept no for an answer from anyone else and most importantly not from myself. 

During my second summit, I recall going to bed at 2 AM and waking up at 6 AM to work to days in a row. Now I know I have that discipline in me!

One of the biggest things about pushing yourself to the wall is that you realize that you can go so much further than your mind comfortably let you think you could.  

Just like most cars are designed to still have gas in them even though the gauge shows empty, you can go well after you think you’re empty. 

Pushing yourself to your breaking point is good for you when it is DONE FOR YOU (not other folks).
 Done for others it’s rescuing or martyrdom.

While I was building my shelves, I was up till 2 AM two nights in a row, working. I pushed myself to hit my self-imposed deadline to have shelves for my birthday. The result is better than just beautiful furniture that’s really more art to me. It gave bone deep self-love and self-confidence in ways I can’t begin to describe. 

Are you ready to stop screwing around and create the life you keep watching other women have? Coaching with me is an ALL IN SPORT.  I’ve got the time to build your dream alongside of you, if you’ve got the guts to go all in on it NOW. 


P.S. Don’t die having never felt the glory of burning your candle at both ends plus the middle for however long it takes to reach your goal. 

Have you gone all in on something in your life? What was it? How long ago was it? Tell me what you fought for with everything you had…

It’s 2am now and I’m building summit 3, the Academy for Alphas! Worth it.



​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL.




[Commitment] Fear Coasting, NOT Failing…Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Focus Mag] Soulmates: A Crash Course (Romantic & Friends)


Everything you ever wanted to know about soulmates. OK, maybe not everything… How about everything Tanya has discovered about soulmates that I THINK you should know? That works.

Let’s start! Married? Keep reading, this is about more than romance!


       Paul Coelho, Brazilian lyricist and novelist best known for “The Alchemist”

Important encounters are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other.



Today’s TRAINING: Lets’s Tackle Soulmate FAQs!

One Soulmate vs. Many Soulmates?

I thought for years (OK most of my life) that I only had one soulmate. In fact, I thought I found him. This guy became the screensaver of my heart. I could have a relationship with someone, but more or less the moment it ended, my heart defaulted back to Marcus.

When Marcus finally gave me the proverbial boot to head – which I sorely needed because I really wasn’t getting the idea that he loved me but still didn’t want to date me – I settled and began dating my then best friend and future ex-husband. 

I thought my world had become unhinged because I had lost my soulmate! 
When you think there’s only one this is the world ending moment. I have since learned that there are soul groups and there are many soulmates.

I estimate that I have hundreds of soulmates, all Alpha men whom I could marry and live happily ever after with in varying degrees of bliss. That is very comforting to me. If one runs or flakes, God cues up the next available one who fits me well and is an upgrade 😉 My beliefs always have the next man that shows up being better than the last! Use this on jobs, opportunities and men – whatever you’ve got.

What do you need to know? There is not just one soulmate for you. 
My friend Ruth recently lost her husband and soulmate of over 30 years. She’s not looking but there are mates for her still.

Romantic Soulmates vs. Friend Soulmates

There are different kinds of soulmates! Some are meant to be romantic, some are friendship, some are business connections and some are borne to you as your actual family members. These are souls who hooked up with you before you were here and you guys agreed to help each other once you arrived. 

When you meet this soul your lesson will be queued up almost immediately.

My best friend is definitely a soulmate. My favorite ex-boyfriend (that’s only slightly tongue-in-cheek, he HAS been a master teacher to me) was definitely a soulmate. 

What Do Your Soulmates Do?

Ha ha! They are not there just to stare into your eyes and recite love poetry to you. Soulmates arrive for a very specific reason – for you to heal your wounds (or handle your shit, same thing). 

Relationships are the laboratory of the spirit, so God really does pick out a person that fits with you in such a way that you are brought to your own attention. The Elizabeth Gilbert definition above from Eat, Pray, Love above is the finest I’ve ever seen. 

Remember, the law of attraction works in two different ways.  The one people are most familiar with is the law of like to like, to bring to you that which you already are. The purpose of that is to allow you to create more of what you are and what you’re focusing on. The secondary purpose is to show you what you’re actuallybeing in any moment. 

It is that second portion of the law, that serves another purpose, to heal you by bringing to you whatever will trigger your wounds. (See Focus Mags on “Bottoming  and “Is God Trying to Tick You Off”). 

The Universe believes that if we knew we were wounded, we would fix it. I know, weird right?

Say for example, you are very impatient (most Alphas are). A mate can be brought to you that requires crazy amounts of patience, testing your very core. That is the point of that person!

When Do They Arrive?

How they show up has more to do with your beliefs and expectations than you think. Your deepest beliefs and expectations are laws in your world. For instance, I have a deep belief that my mates will recognize me instantly. So…they do. Some people think that kind of connection takes time, so it will. 

It does tend to be true that they seem to come out of nowhere. You can engineer meeting a regular person but your soulmates find you

What Happens When They Arrive?

Sparks, drama and explosions are common. There are things about this person that will feel familiar, comfortable and safe. I consider these areas of overlap as ‘recognition markers’ put in place to get you to strap in and ride this ride. 

You usually need those comfort signs because when and if things start going sideways – they will go that way fast and epically. This person will trigger your junk. And your first response will be to leave or fight!  If you both trigger each other simultaneously, usually everybody leaves. If one person triggers the other person more, then you might get to see them start backing off from you and feel very hurt.

It’s not you. It’s the truths they are confronting about themselves because you have arrived.
 I call that mirroring. 

What Is Mirroring?

First, mirroring occurs in your normal life. The world you see mirrors to you the state of your inner self. 

If everywhere you go, you get bad service, rude drivers, crazy people and bad weather – the world is mirroring an internal state of turmoil in you. I used to get those things and I don’t anymore. 

When a soulmate arrives, you want to notice the issues that they’re presenting to you. Usually these issues are inside of you somewhere. Sometimes the issues are old ones you’ve conquered and it is more in the nature of a graduate exam. You had a lesson, got it wrong, saw your error and this is your chance to “practice it live.”

The Alpha mate that showed up for me, I mirrored wounds to him and he mirrored an old focus to me plus a graduate exam. (Spoiler: I passed!) 

I’m going to do a different post talking about the importance of being able to receive love from other people. That is the wound he has. His ego was beside itself that everything about the two of us looked and felt too good to be true. He was not in a place of readiness to receive healthy love, right now, it was too scary. He went into a form of flight known as self-sabotage. (Male Alphas self-sabotage too).

My old focus was on how a man gave. I have been taught to now focus on how a man receives. That reflects the shift in me from a woman looking to GET FROM her love, to a woman looking to GIVE TO her love.

His ego couldn’t convince him to run away from something that felt so wonderful to him but it could convince him to do dumb shit until he ruined it. I saw it happening and couldn’t stop the train he was on. His self-sabotage was his words and actions didn’t match. His words were a fantasy, but his actions were weak.

How Can A Soulmate “Ruin” It?

Two words: Free Will. We all have free will and we continue to have it even after a soulmate arrives in our lives. We do not have to heal our wounds or handle our shit. We are free to blame and avoid and rationalize. 

Just because the Universe lined them up doesn’t mean they have to stay. And importantly, they usually will find it very difficult to stay if they do not handle their own stuff. It will remain a wedge between you and some folks begin to associate the discomfort of “their stuff” with the presence of “you”. 

Soulmate Forever or Your Soulmate For A Season?

You guessed it. There are some soulmates to come into your life to stay forever. There are some that are there for a moment, an event or a decade. Releasing a soulmate with grace is difficult to do because they imprint upon you deeply. 

Here’s the reason why you want to bless a soulmate if they’re headed toward the door, you need to give to them what you want given to you – choice.

As an Alpha coach, I spot patterns and in the Alpha that I was with, I knew how he was struggling with his ego uncoached. My exam? To NOT coach. To NOT engineer anything. To NOT push him.

Difficult stuff for a strong Alpha and I did fabulous! I saw my old pattern and where I could’ve rationalized intervening because he’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Didn’t do it. I told the truth of my feelings and when he began self-sabotaging us, I didn’t pretend not to see it. I was willing to release future love rather than have it hurt me in the present. 

He’s already returned wanting a “do-over” but I know who I am and what I want and what I’m worth. I am again focused on my mate in the abstract, as opposed to this guy personally. He has to do his internal work if he wants real love.

The bar for admission for him is higher now than on his first try. 
That’s a big deal. I used to LOWER the bar to make it easier for the wash outs to qualify. I was not always self-loving! 

My biggest gift is knowing to focus on a man’s ability to receive rather than his inclination to give. Receiving love is the harder of the two 💗

I’m awed that my energy is attracting my soulmates now. I am Purse Ready. I don’t have anything to do or prove. Just live my life, serve and be happy. First soulmate that passes his mirroring exam with me wins the girl!

Tanya Recommends:

AirBnB. Heard of it? Folks rent out rooms in their home or even the entire home. You get great locations, help like you are a house guest and best of all amazing rates!  
Want a little getaway? Pick a place and hop on and see what the prices look like. I just recommended them to an Alpha from group. If you use my link, you get a $40 credit too 🙂

I’ve used it a lot in California and Australia. My friend I told has begun hosting and is earning $100-400+ extra a month.




Early in any relationship, have a talk with the lover, friend, business partner, whoever about how to handle disagreements. 
Do NOT wait until you have one. Have an agreement in place about how you approach the other or a phrase to say if you aren’t feeling heard perhaps can SAVE a relationship. 
The trick? Do it well before you need it. This is true with children also. Tell them the process for coming to you if they feel you’ve hurt them and tell them what you’ll do if they disrespect you. It takes extra anxiety out of the already stressful event!




It is comforting to think that some souls had a plan to meet up and they found us. No matter how it plays out, they have come to serve as a conduit to greater growth. Always look for your own lesson when you meet such a person and be humble, they have something to teach you that you need to know.


Wow Did You Hear?


Alpha Admitting Her Struggles During Coaching


Looking back, I don’t know how you haven’t killed me. I’m better now. Like myself better now and feel like life can really be good…so, thank you Coach!

Talk to Tanya


Spread the Word!

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for

YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?


[Focus Mag] Soulmates, A Crash Course (Romantic & Friends)Facebook Twitter LinkedIn


Talk to Tanya


My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop


in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your

Business and BALANCE IT ALL.

[Self-Love] When You Know What You Want…

When You Know What You Want…

When you know what you want you trust your choices
You don’t fall into obeying crazy inner voices
When you know what you want, you tell the truth
And you stop looking outside of yourself for proof

When you know what you want you can see what you must do
And you don’t run away like you always used to
When you know what you want the Universe can help you
And you’ll find those old excuses are no longer true

When you know what you want Alpha, saying No is easier
You don’t need to make EVERYONE happy by being a pleaser
When you know what you want the costs just don’t seem as high
And there is no doubt at all that whatever it takes, you’ll try

When you begin to know what you want, you begin to feel free
Alphas, protect your right to choose what you want and who you’ll be
When you begin to know what you want, dreams become blueprints
And you can smile as you pick your side and step off that damn fence

When you know what you want, your clarity creates
When you know what you want, Alpha don’t hesitate
Ask for it. Seek for it. Fight for it and more.
Stand your ground. Expose your heart and open up your doors.

Do the hardest thing that we as Alpha women can possibly do…
Surrender and let someone else GIVE back… to you.




​P.S.  Soul Mate Update (love how that rhymes!) he is one of my soul mates (we have lots of them) and he is not ready. Note to self, if a man seems like James Bond remember that in the end, Bond NEVER stays with his woman!

LOL. I called off the date last minute…got fantastic lessons and HUGE self-love out of it. I’ll teach you all about it in next Wednesday’s Focus Mag – the training will be on Soul Mates! And it will be JUICY!! This is way too much to squeeze into a single post 🙂 And I’ll tell you why I am happier than I was before I met him and why I sent him off with a blessing.

If you are only pretending to want something, you will be terrified when & if it arrives and will run or drive it away. The truth is people are AFRAID of their highest good 🙁




​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL.




[Self-Love] When You Know What You Want…Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Purpose] Why Aren’t You Using Your Super Power

Why Aren’t You Using Your Super Power?!?


Old Me? Nope. Guilty as charged. Just had this discussion with 4 different Alphas.

There is something that you were born to do Alpha.

You were given a special gift that enables you to do your “thing” way better than anyone else – THAT is your SuperPower.

Problem? Alphas are accustomed to struggle.
We like it, we RESPECT it and we EXPECT it. We fight our struggle to gain control, which feels good.

But what happens when there IS no struggle? No fight? Uh-oh.

You tend to disrespect and ABANDON your SuperPower because it feels too easy and not “important” enough. You want to go chase the shiny, red candy-like thing over there that’s harder.

I was a practicing Divorce Lawyer for around 15 years. I was good. REALLY good. During my divorce cases I…coached! I took lives and businesses apart and then put them back together. I moved blocks – legal ones, financial ones, emotional and spiritual ones. That was my SuperPower but it was part of the “package” of my law practice, which I began to hate. (Never occurred to me to separate out what I loved!)

I did with most Alphas do – I threw the baby out with the bathwater!

I stopped doing my SuperPower because I associated my SuperPower with the practice of law, which I’d begun to hate.
Many Alphas experience your super power for the first time inside a job or career path that’s not right for you.

We then throw away our SuperPower when we throw away the job or “package” it’s attached to.

Here’s a radical thought for you – God is not wasteful.

Meaning, if God gave you a SuperPower, it is because you are supposed to use it! It is a big, fat giant hint as to what you’re supposed to be doing. And when you use your SuperPower in whatever you’re doing, you WILL get more help and more assistance and your life will work easier.

Find your SuperPower.

Use your SuperPower in your work.

I now realize that my SuperPower of spotting patterns, removing blocks and seeing the truth has been consistent my whole life (in engineering, law & now coaching).

It just took me awhile to figure out how to package it for my work and my livelihood (by “awhile” I mean 20 years!)

Want to know what your SuperPower is NOW? Want to know how to use your SuperPower to make money? Ask me, I’ll show you Alpha. 



​P.S. The Alpha Mate that found me is amazing so far! First date Saturday 🙂 I’m excited to learn his SuperPower. He has a clear gift at spotting opportunities others don’t see and acting on them – he’s using that skill to see immediately in me what others can’t see! (Fun Fact: Alpha Males are as impatient as us!)




​​​​I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop Struggling in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your Business and BALANCE IT ALL.




[Purpose] Why Aren’t You Using Your Super Power Facebook Twitter LinkedIn

[Focus Mag] The Bad Habit of Bottoming


We all had to hit our bottom before we got serious in life.

But why? Why is that?

Why do we have to be hanging off the side of the building by our fingernails before it occurs to us that perhaps this wasn’t the best idea?

Weren’t their signs telling us that we were going the wrong way? (Yes there were.)

Didn’t our heart and intuition tell us that we needed to act and do something different? (Yes they did.)

Today were going to talk about the Bad Habit of Bottoming as it applies to Alphas, how it messes us up and most importantly how to break free of it. Ready…?




Vironika Tugaleva – Life Coach, Author and Speaker

No one needs to hit rock bottom to change. And yet so many people do, only because most of us are unskilled in communicating with ourselves.

Stress, depression, anxiety, insomnia, headaches, illness … these are all symptoms of a bigger problem. You’re trying to tell yourself something. Loudly.

Listen now or listen later. There is no ignoring the call.




Today’s TRAINING: The Bad Habit of Bottoming

  • What is The Bad Habit of Bottoming
  • 7 Ways Bottoming Messes You Up
  • How to Break Free

What is the Bad Habit of Bottoming?

Put simply the Bad Habit of Bottoming is the natural Alpha tendency to wait until our situation hits critical to act. We avoid it until we hit bottom.

We wait to take action on our most important things because these are also our scariest things. Remember, an Alphas primary motivation is to rescue. Waiting for a crisis to act creates a reason for us to BE rescued. If you watch any movies where a rescue was necessary, have you ever seen it done before the 11th hour?

Every good disaster film you’ve ever seen has the rescue happen mere seconds before the bomb blows, the asteroid hits or the toxic gas reaches a lethal level. And we generate that in our own lives.

You’ve also seen it very clearly with anyone who has an addiction. Most alcoholics have to… hit rock bottom before they are ready to admit they have a problem with drinking right? Remember, Alphas have an addiction to approval and a need for someone else to love us before we love ourselves.

Those addictions make us even more likely to bottom.

Just so we’re clear, we are capable of heading off these crises sooner than we do.
 We’re smart enough to realize when our businesses are beginning to fail long before we can’t pay the bills and have to lay off all of the employees.

We’re smart enough to notice when our marriage starts being in big trouble but still we tend to wait until the idea of setting most of his clothes on fire isn’t just a scene from a movie. 

As a coach, mo
st people hire me after they have bottomed. When I catch you before you’ve bottomed, this is what you’ll tell me… “I’m going to give it another try, I think I know what to do now, I just need to focus. This time I’ll make it work.” In other words, you aren’t ready for help because you don’t ask for help until you are OUT OF HOPE.

The one glorious beauty of a bottoming Alpha is that bottoming breaks your pride and in that state, you are willing to accept help and more willing to be led. A bottoming Alpha can admit she’s wrong more quickly then Alpha who hasn’t hit it yet.

Now here’s the funny part, the Universe will HELP you in your race to the bottom.
 Why? Because it realizes that for most of you, that is the firstmoment you’ll open your heart, ask for help and get on the path that you were born to live.

Several of my Alphas have gone through a process I call “Job-ing” (like the guy in the bible). Job-ing is where the Universe accelerates your bottoming to help break you, so that you agree to start the hell over and do better this time.  

(If you’ve ever played video games where there was no reset button, when you KNEW you were screwed, sometimes you just ran up to the dragon and let it eat you three times in a row really fast so you could start over sooner!)

Now you know what bottoming is, let’s take a look at how bottoming messes you up.

7 Ways Bottoming Messes You Up
  1. You develop the habit of delay until explosion
  2. You miss opportunities when they are ripe and ready
  3. You beat yourself up for “doing IT” again
  4. You teach your children to Bottom
  5. You use crisis as your “Swing Into Action” cue
  6. You lose more than you win, especially in relationships
  7. Bottoming interferes with being “purse ready” which is proactive

#1 You Develop the Habit Of Delay

Bottoming reinforces procrastination and delay. Unfortunately because you don’t act until you have to, it reinforces the entire spectrum of Alpha Self-Sabotage.

#2 You Miss Opportunities When They Are Ripe and Ready

Bottoming has you waiting too long for everything-meaning when there’s a chance for you to go and you should take the risk-you don’t. You wait. And eventually you hit the bottom. Then you regret that you didn’t go. 

#3 You Beat Yourself Up For “Doing It Again”

How many times of you told yourself that you will never wait this long to take care of things, except that you just did it again?!

Do you know it would be impossible to ever become significantly overweight if you always course correct each time you got 3 pounds over your goal weight?

Beating yourself up not only wastes energy but it screws up your self-confidence for your future. 

 You Teach Your Children To Bottom

Your children learn what you do and what you are, not what you say and what you want.
 If you’re looking at your children and they only ever take action about 15 seconds before things blow up-see if they’re getting that from someone… like… You.

 Crisis Becomes Your “Swing Into Action” Cue

After a while you begin to associate taking massive action only in the face of imminent danger and at the edge of disaster. You are a training yourself to “turn on “only after things have gone nuclear.

#6 You Lose More Than You Win Because of When You Began

Especially in relationships, which are an Alphas Achilles’ heel, you may find you’ve waited TOO LONG to save your friendship, company or marriage. 

#7 Bottoming Interferes With Being “Purse Ready” Which Requires Being Proactive

The most reliable way to draw into your life what you want is to become “Purse Ready” for it. That means you become ready for your good before your good arrives. That is the opposite of waiting until it is almost too late and everything is falling apart to act. 

In short, bottoming is a nasty habit that we ALL have to some degree. You want to get aggressive and nearly hostile about removing this from your life. The people who have lives that you admire have broken the cycle of Bottoming.

Stop learning from touching a hot stove!  The Bad Habit of Bottoming describes the state of an uncoached Alpha. It can and should be changed. 

How Do I Break Free of Bottoming?

One fail safe way – you accelerate the crisis. You do what it takes to bring the urgency into the situation NOW before the bomb is armed and ticking.

The urgency and “ohmygoodness” of the situation are what get you to move, eventually. Use them to get yourself to move…now.  How? Project the consequences of things going sideways, look at what it will cost you and better yet what it COULD cost you.

Use the wiring you already have! We are pre-wired to do more to avoid PAIN than to gain PLEASURE. For Alphas, we have a strong pull to build something better, so bundle the two together like an ice cream sandwich.

One layer of what bad thing will happen if I don’t change,  plus a cool yummy layer of the awesome goodies I can get when I do my work and a final layer of what COULD happen if I do nothing and things go sideways.  That is a no fail Motivation Bar!

Tell yourself the truth about how big a problem this is for you and get help getting into motion before you hit bottom and need to act out of fear and panic.


Tanya Recommends:

Growing flowers from seeds.

Seriously! I have 3 pots full of flowers I planted. They show me the love I invested in them. I water, weed and worry over them. Even if you have no green thumb, get one small pot or bowl, dirt and a single seed packet. Stick the seeds in and water. Yep, that’s it.

My favorite dollar store (Dollar Tree) has all you’d need for $2-$3. Get going! You’ll thank me when they bloom! The act of creating and nurturing life on any scale is good for the soul.




Figure out the next thing you “must do” and decide to do it a little early. 

Don’t wait until the consequences hit or come calling.  Just do it now, at least start. 

You will get a HUGE boost to your self-esteem for taking your task early.






The Universe learns how YOU learn. 

I don’t have regular crisis or drama in my life anymore because I don’t need it to get myself to change. If you need it, YOU WILL GET IT. 

If you start learning to act without the threats, you can have a more peaceful life.






Wow Did You Hear?


Alpha Nicole Wishes Tanya Happy Birthday

I love this photo she made for me! She was going to “clean up” the language and I just laughed.

Be how you are and who you are and Be Loved FOR it not DESPITE IT.


Talk to Tanya


Spread the Word!

If Fearless Focus Magazine made a difference for

YOU, would you share this on your Facebook page?


[Focus Mag] The Bad Habit of BottomingFacebook Twitter LinkedIn


Talk to Tanya


My Mission:

I Show Alpha Women Entrepreneurs How to Stop


in Your Relationships, Own Your Potential, Build Your

Business and BALANCE IT ALL.