Health & Wellbeing

[Clarity] Counter-Intuitive Life Changer #3: Giving? That’s Easy


Giving is Much Easier Than Receiving
Everything you were taught, especially as a woman, is to give, give and give some more. Give til it hurts right?
Even the Bible tells you that God loves a cheerful giver (and that is true).
But nobody talks about RECEIVING…soo how can the world be full of givers and no great receivers and stay in balance? Short answer: It cannot.
World Says:
Focus on Giving and You’ll Be Blessed
Alpha Life Coach Teaches:
Receiving Requires More Enlightenment Than Giving.


Try This Switch For a Week

Become a MASTER RECEIVER. Instead of running around trying to give to everybody, do something crazy. Run around and be available to be an next level receiver. 

If you do this here’s what will happen:

1. Your head will try to make you feel guilty, tell it your Coach told you to do it

2. You will be awkward and keep forgetting your role to ALLOW IN

3. Others will feel lifted, loved and deeply SEEN by you, who received from them

This is why feminine women get the marriage proposals ladies. They know how to receive.

A man does NOT fall in love with what YOU do FOR him. He falls in love with who HE BECOMES WHILE HE DOES FOR YOU.

Hashtag EPIC. Re-read that out loud. It applies to everybody.

I’ve mentioned this before, you need to become a better receiver.

Read more on Receiving HERE and right HERE.


Giving Gives Control, Which Alphas LOVE

Here is the part that should scare the LuLu Lemons (high end leggings) off you:

God GIVES. Are you good at receiving?

Hint: If you can’t take a compliment, ask for help or be corrected, that’s a NO.

That means you are MISSING out on your good. Your ship is sailing without you Alpha because you want to “pay your own way.”

Stop it (my two favorite coaching words).

Stop being so concerned with what you are DOING (giving is often an action managed by the head/ego) and get concerned with what you are ALLOWING to flow in to you. 

If you are like most Alphas, you’re pissed because your outflow is always larger than your in flow. THAT’S YOUR FAULT.

You will need to practice receiving. You won’t even see most of the opportunities around you to receive yet, but begin anyway.

Receiving requires you to trust the giver, trust you’ll get and get enough.

Things you are weak in. Get stronger. Stop being a Master Giver and become a Master Receiver. 

In Joy,

 

P.S  It does not matter what you can manifest or create if you cannot receive it! It’s like putting all your focus on getting that great job and being unable to deposit or cash your paychecks.

And notice I did not even discuss takers.  Receiving and taking are as different from each other as sex and rape. You won’t accidentally cross that line. I promise.

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

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[Clarity] Counter-Intuitive Life Changer #2: Trust Ain’t Earned


Earning Trust is Like Earning Love – Icky
Oh, how you love to be RIGHT about somebody doing you WRONG!
How many stories do you hear about giving somebody a second chance and it ALL works out wonderfully?? Yeah. Pretty much none.
But how many stories do you hear like…she took him back and then… He. Did. It… Again!
World Says:
Trust must be Earned
Alpha Life Coach Teaches:
Trust is Given or Not. “Earning Trust” is a set up.


3 Big Problems With “Earning” Trust

There are three main problems with trust being earned, rather than given:

#1 – Your Doubt Taints Your Expectations

#2 – Everybody Hates a Test

#3 – Our Brains are Designed to Prove us Right, Not Happy

Number 1 – Your Doubt Taints Your expectations 

You stay focused on the “wrong” as you compare their current performance to the original transgression. That means you keep thoughts of the transgression active in your attention and energy. Guess what that attracts? Law is like to like.

Expectations create your world and this focus makes you expect the worst.

Number 2 – Everybody Hates a Test

Resentment fuels their ego and makes it HARDER to do what you want. Their focus is the frustration of not being believed that they’ve changed. Frustration is negative energy and does NOT SUPPORT KEEPING THEM IN THEIR NEW, POSITIVE CHANGE. Get it?

Number 3 – Our Brains are Designed to Prove Us Right, Not Happy

That means that your head will be MORE alert to signs that the trust is being breached again to keep you “safe” v.s. spotting evidence that things are going well this time. It will search for, magnify and insist on finding evidence that our current theory (that they are an untrustworthy ass) is still true. This is called Confirmation Bias.

If being right is what your subconscious wants, it will MAKE it happen.


Tanya, What Do I Do?

Easy. Trust them or don’t. Do not engage in probation periods that will trigger all 3 of the above and make it MORE likely you’ll be hurt again.

After spending more than 2 decades around high-conflict divorce, I’ve seen too many couples do infidelity wrong. (And yes, it was more often the man doing the physical cheating and the woman doing “emotional” cheating.)

If you want the relationship to work, decide you want it and trust him from this moment forward. That reduces the doubts which tamper with expectations that create your reality. It takes away the resentment of the fallen. And it stops you from becoming the woman who can’t let her man run to the store to grab milk without timing him (yes, that happened).

If you are wrong, you’ll be wrong and you’ll be hurt- but your being able to say you thought it wouldn’t work all along should NOT be the comfort you seek.

Bonus: Giving trust (or not) lightens your energetic load. Decide Alphas. Important decisions, long deferred, lead to overwhelm.

When you half-trust (that is what you do when someone is “earning” it), you don’t forgive AT ALL, so you still carry the pain.  When you half-trust, you CANNOT FEEL loved. Love is not FELT in the absence of trust, not even Mother’s love (sorry Alphas). 

Love as its deepest is safety and surrender. Neither of these can you do while half-trusting. And loving where you know you are not safe is self-destructive. So long as you cannot give full trust, you cannot feel FULL love. Hey, GUESS WHO YOU’LL BLAME FOR NO LONGER FEELING LOVED?? Earning trust is a trap.

It is not the fault of the person who wounded you, it is YOU giving a half measure and blocking yourself from being able to FEEL a full measure, if it’s there. 

You want a shot at feeling the full love? Give full love (full trust).

In Joy,

 

P.S  I  know this one is hard Alphas. You are so scared of being hurt again. Abandoned again. I was too. When you become a loving trusting person, you are NOT made a target by the Universe. I promise. You begin to get more and more of what you are.

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

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[Clarity] Counter-Intuitive Life Changer #1: Screw Ready!


Counter-Intuitive Life Changer
This month will be exciting! I’m going to call B.S. on 4 things that the world tells you are TRUE.
  • Wait to FEEL Ready
  • Trust is EARNED
  • Giving is BETTER than Receiving and
  • Hard Work is the KEY to Success
If you can shift your beliefs on even one, your life will change. If you can pull off all four… Holy Fireworks Mama!
I am a Counter-Intuitive, Foundations Coach. No. You have not heard of that before. What does it mean? It means that I teach the Counter-Intuitive because if it was obvious, you’d be doing it already!
Second, I’m a Foundations Coach, meaning that if you have a problem I’m not going to go after that problem directly-I’m going to go after the things that are holding it in place or preventing you from shifting it (blocks). Most people have incorporated their blocks into their core self (foundations). That taints everything you try to do over and over. Familiar?
Now, on to Counter-Intuitive Life Changer #1: 
World Says:
When you feel ready, you can…
Alpha Life Coach Teaches:
STOP! Ready is NOT A FEELING. 


Ready Isn’t Feeling-It’s a Decision.

I’m going to repeat that because it’s the most important thing someone has told you in a very long time. Ready is a decision. 

There are many people who do not want to hire a coach because they believe “I already know what I need to do.“

And yes, that’s often true. You know.

What is also often true, is that you cannot make yourself do what you already KNOW you must do.

The excuse is: “I’m just waiting to be ready…“

Scroll up. Ready isn’t a feeling, it’s a DECISION. An action, not a mood. 

Why are you not further along, brilliant Alpha? Because a deep part of you is waiting for someone/thing outside of you to GIVE you the feeling/impression/momentum or motivation to do what you already know you need to do.

That you must choose readiness before you “feel ready” is the critical counter-intuitive understanding to have anything new begin in your life. New means change. Change feels uncomfortable. Discomfort keepsyou NOT ready.


Nike Had It Right – Just DO It

I wish I had a magic formula, but sometimes it is really just gut-check time.You simply have to make your self begin what must be done.

There is an advantage to being able to “manually override“ your disinclination to do something. Your ego learns that IT CANNOT STOP YOU FROM STARTING.

Check out this post I wrote years ago about things that SHOULD be comfortable Comfort is My New Curse Word and things that shouldn’t be comfortable.

I concluded that only jeans and sports bras SHOULD be comfortable and new things are never comfortable – especially big firsts like driving a car, having sex or using a tampon. 🙂

Your key take away from this training? Stop expecting readiness to just “happen” and feel comfortable. This is why necessity is the mother of invention. Because people needed something done and couldn’t keep waiting to “feel ready.” They DECIDED to make themselves ready.

When you hear me say Get Ready – it means =

                                   Decide to be ready and then act.

Note for Advanced Readers: Deciding to be ready means aligning your heart before your mind. The proper order is heart first, mind (foot soldier) second, and then thoughts, words and actions FLOW. Make sense?

So… Alpha… Get Ready! The things you MOST need to know in life ARE counter-intuitive. That’s why you haven’t been doing them!

I’m going to teach you three more… CHOOSE TO BE READY!

In Joy,

 

P.S  When I’m procrastinating something important, I break the log jam by deciding to just do 5 mins. I decide I am READY to start even if I have no clue how to finish or don’t feel like it.

You can do a deep dive into why you keep not feeling like it…but sometimes it’s best to skip that mess and just get going! Alphas are prone to Analysis Paralysis.

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Clarity] Counter-Intuitive Life Changer #1: Screw Ready! Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

[Photos] Joy, Love, Family and Miracles…My Wedding!


May has been an AMAZING month in my life!
I’ve been under the most pressure, felt the most relief, experienced the deepest joys and endured deepest exhaustion. 
I married my best friend and soulmate. I was welcomed into my new family. I have 3 amazing and gorgeous stepchildren.


Honeymoon at Bali, Indonesia

I travelled to Bali, where we de-stressed and relaxed. We went through a sacred water cleansing ritual and saw a real shaman (she is powerful!). 

We told more truths to each other and drew even closer. We met a coach who is a hero of mine that lives in Bali.

All was divinely organized. In fact, I counted at least 10 miracles, including my intuition to fly out Saturday the 25th EARLY instead of Sunday. (Bali had a volcano erupt as we were leaving, closing the airport after us!)

Want to share some of my joy? Watch the 2:25 video below. 

 


AND My long term Assistant Alexis gave birth to her second child, a happy baby boy, Riley! He is a smiler. 

In Joy,

 

P.S  There is JOY in the world. There is LOVE in the world. There are MIRACLES everywhere. I experience them all the time and I teach Alphas how to have this for themselves. Ask me.

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Photos] Joy, Love, Family and Miracles…My Wedding! Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

[Alphas] Frogs vs. Princes: Getting That Prince! Chapter 4 of 4


How To Go From F.R.O.G. to P.R.I.N.C.E.
This is such an important topic, I started it last week. So re-read it here:
Critical: YOU are not TURNING HIM from a F.R.O.G. to a P.R.I.N.C.E.
(“Frightening but Real Opportunity to Grow” Guy into “Perfect Relationship or Investment Not Common Everywhere). Cannot be DONE.
YOU ARE going to do the three things on the planet you can do that make it way MORE likely he’ll turn himself! What are those three things? Read on!
Need to Start from the top? – Frogs vs. Princes Chapter 1 of 4


F.R.O.G. -> P.R.I.N.C.E. is Seed -> Flower

Did you ever grow a flower? Good. Then you’ll get this. YOU don’t force it from SEED to SUNFLOWER. You fertilize, water and weed. That is IT.

First, a quick list of things NOT to do. 

1) You don’t get to “build” the seed. Dandelions seeds will NEVER become roses.  Pick better at the start.

2) You don’t get to directly control the speed your plant grows. Dig up a seed to “correct” it and let me know how that works for you!  You may not get a Prince in YOUR time frame.

3) You don’t get to force the bloom color. Ok, there are master gardeners (forceful Alphas) who can. I am a 21+ year divorce lawyer. Trust me. You don’t want to force a man to become what he isn’t. 


What CAN I Do to Help My F.R.O.G.?

#1 Fertilize – Create a Great P.R.I.N.C.E. Environment

A great P.R.I.N.C.E. environment is a great Princess. Period. Best “you” that you can. Go do that now.

#2 Water – Love Your Frog without Seeing the Prince (Bloom) Yet

Talked about this last week. If you need your manifestations to already BE here before you believe, you’re screwed.

Creators decide, believe and release BEFORE evidence arrives.

Anything else is conditional love and cloudy water for your seed.

#3 Weed – Remove the Fearful Thoughts that Stop You From Doing Your Work Independent of Outcomes

This is your task. Will you choose to be happy or be right? (It took me a bit truthfully!) Can you surface all your junk for removal (weeding!) so you just show up and water (love) freely?

If you Fertilize, Water & Weed the Seed you have, you’ll get amazing results even if this F.R.O.G. ISN’T a P.R.I.N.C.E.

(or tougher yet, YOUR Prince). 

This is all about love and surrender ladies. Why? Because when you get him, guess what two skill sets you’ll most need? Love and surrender. 

Happy Frogging! 

—————————-

Remember a P.R.I.N.C.E. is a

Perfect Relationship or Investment Not Common Everywhere

but YOU are Looking for a F.R.O.G.

Frightening & Real Opportunity to Grow Guy

In Joy,

 

P.S  The timing was perfect to write this for you from a cafe in Ubud, Bali. I wish you love Alphas. The road IS hard but worth it. Anyone who is on their yellow brick road will tell you they don’t care one BIT about what it took to reach it and STAY on it.

Frogs rule! Mine battled 3 different power converters and a wonky power cord just so I could teach you today.  He called himself a F.R.O.G. but yeah, he’s my P.R.I.N.C.E. now. Do you have yours?

P.P.S. We’ve worked hard. Next week is all fun! I’ll share some wedding, honeymoon and Baby Photos! What? Not my baby! Alexis my assistant had a little boy and he’s beautiful. We are both happily distracted!

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Alphas] Frogs vs. Princes: Getting That Prince! Chapter 4 of 4 Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

[Alphas] Frogs vs. Princes: P.R.I.N.C.E.s Tend to Look Like F.R.O.G.S. Chapter 3 of 4


P.R.I.N.C.E.s Tend to Look Like F.R.O.G.S.
Why is that? Evolution. Everything is evolving & growing or dying.
Memorize this: P.R.I.N.C.E.s are M.A.D.E. (Moulding Accelerated by Deliberate Events)!
Yes, I AM the acronym queen. Apparently seaside villas in Bali really brings it out in me.
Catch up here with last week’s blog – Frogs vs. Princes Chapter 1 of 4and Frogs vs. Princes Chapter 2 of 4


P.R.I.N.C.E.s are M.A.D.E. NOT B.O.R.N.

(Being Open, Resisting Nothing)

You are NOT looking for a man in his final, non-resistant, open to love state!

You are looking for a man DURING the process of his evolution.Everyone (and the Hallmark channel) has it wrong!

Are there men who are done? Yes, they are dead. Not kidding. When you are done, you go. Are there men who have evolved to the white knight and charger, gold braided epaulets visible state? Yes! They are the not commonly occurring, never going on sale men.

Let me remind you that even IF YOU’VE hit your evolved Princess state, that DOES not mean you don’t still NEED a F.R.O.G!

Your work is you. The better your ‘you’, the better your END GAME P.R.I.N.C.E.

Your ‘right now’ may still be a challenging mate that scares you (Frightening & Real Opportunity to Grow), because THAT is what you need to force your heart open another level.


A True Tale of My  F.R.O.G.  P.R.I.N.C.E.

I’m in my Happily Ever After. And no two are the same. My soulmate is the BEST vehicle to deliver my deepest lessons. Why? Because I am the MOST invested in our happiness of anything in my life.

When I met my mate, I knew he was mine. He was NOT is the state I was looking for. He was NOT in the state he is NOW. My closest friends wondered a bit but they trusted me. I wondered a bit more but I trusted GOD.

My P.R.I.N.C.E. was in a state of extremes. Too much work, too much drinking, too little exercise and too little sleep. I could see we would be balancing each other.

The skill my F.R.O.G. P.R.I.N.C.E. gave me was the ability to love myself and fill myself up WHILE disregarding gaps in what he could give. THAT is counterintuitive!

Alphas learn in the beginning of our lives to give TOO much. Then we armor up. We get into the “he’d better be what I need, he’d better love me my way, he’d better have all his shit together…” mode in our late 30-60s+.

The evolution past that brittle place returns you to your origins butwithout the fear. In the beginning you gave too much out of FEAR you’d get abandoned. On the far side of the bell curve, you can give BEFORE YOU GET, out of your love and abundance.

I had ENOUGH LOVE to carry me over rough bits where old me would have hit BAIL. I did not hit BAIL and am now in BALI. (Love the symmetry on that!)

Every since I hit this lesson, I am seeing it in my Alphas. You will hit a moment where your job is to keep your OWN love tank full while your mate hits his lessons with his ego. He does NOT have me coaching him!

Your F.R.O.G. will screw things up. He will step in it. He will withdraw, run or speak harshly. Your course is to stand still, love him and continue to do YOUR lessons without bailing or winge-ing (Ozzie phrase for complaining – to winge) that HE ISN’T DOING HIS WORK WELL ENOUGH.

Your long dark teatime with your soul may be short, it may be long. You may get two! I did. Whatever it is, it’s YOURS to do.

On the other side, you both move closer to your P.R.I.N.C.E.

P.R.I.N.C.E.s are M.A.D.E. NOT B.O.R.N.

So are Princesses! Be willing to stand and do your workBe willing to love where love is needed but not necessarily earned.Remember, trust is given not earned.

When your F.R.O.G. feels real love, unconditional love, love that he doesn’t deserve, it will crack his heart open and he will begin to believe that HE is worthy of love. You cannot explain worthiness with words, it must be believed to be experienced.

This is the love of a mother for a child in trouble, minus the correction.

P.R.I.N.C.E.s start as F.R.O.G.s because we ALL start there. We grow together. Kiss your F.R.O.G.S. ladies because you appreciate and love them where they are and then they’ll choose to grow and take the scary path to Princehood.

Princes are valiant in fairytales and that heroism is always tested. He will have to do the scariest thing on earth, entrust his previously damaged heart to you.

Show him how it’s done and love him first without guarantee of reward. Kiss him even though he could just be a frog and trust your Universe to evolve YOU Alpha.

In Joy,

 

P.S  Almost time for lunch! The staff here is too attentive, having to sneak alone time! My mate is under a grass roofed Bali hut, steps from the ocean, teasing me about writing my blog right now. Yesterday, we were running numbers on developing resort property here and debating where to have a mojito. I kissed my F.R.O.G. 🙂

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Alphas] Frogs vs. Princes: P.R.I.N.C.E.s Tend to Look Like F.R.O.G.S. Chapter 3 of 4 Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

[Alphas] Frogs vs. Princes: Kiss Your Darn Frog! Chapter 2 of 4


People actually contacted me and asked me where I found my soulmate. If I answer them accurately the answer would be-from inside of me! 

There is NO WHERE! 

Your Prince is nowhere to be found

You have to make YOURSELF findable. If you ONLY get that and aren’t MAD about it, you can stop reading as you are all good. 

Catch up here with last week’s blog – Frogs vs. Princes Chapter 1 of 4

Remember a P.R.I.N.C.E. is a

Perfect Relationship or Investment Not Common Everywhere


Know WHO You Want

“Oh the Joys Problems of Looking!

Tanya, are you staying I should STOP looking?!?

YES.

“Ok (Not ok.) How will I find him?”

When the Princess is ready, the P.R.I.N.C.E. appears.

Parable time: When the student is ready the teacher appears. An ancient saying that has survived because of its truth.

When the Princess is ready, the P.R.I.N.C.E. appears.

Here is what you get if you keep looking (hunting) your fantastic opportunity:

1) When you are looking for somethingit is because you do not have it right now. That’s your energy and your point of attraction and focus are on the “not having it “more than the having it. That tends to make it not appear.

2) When you’ve been looking for something for a very long timeyou get stressed and anxious and discouraged. Sometimes you can get angry and bitter resentful and jealous. None of these is an attractive energy to get what you really want. And in fact, repels opportunities that come anywhere near you.

3) When you are looking for something, it presupposes that you are already “qualified quote to receive whatever it is you’re looking for!This is usually not the case. We are usually looking for something that is “ahead“ of us. And hoping that this magical situation improves us. Please remember that Cinderella was not improved as a person, they just changed her clothes and her shoes! She was ALREADY more of a princess than any of the other women around.

4) When you’re looking for something you, have a strong bias toward what HE (or it) should look like. Meaning, if the Universe wants to send you your prince in his current frog version, you WILL miss him.


Not Searching is TRUST

Everyone wants a prince and nobody wants a frog. But now you understand that relationships are meant to grow you both. That means you’re both changed together. And most of the situations I have personally experienced, including my own, the prince didn’t look like a prince right from the start.

That meant, if you’re looking you won’t spot him. If you permit yourself to be found and then trust your intuition… Now that could be the start of a happily ever after.

For this week, focus on you. Lose the weight you want to lose. Fix the credit you want to fix. Write the book you want to write. Get over the X you haven’t gotten over. Whatever it is that you keep telling yourself that you need to get done-do. That. Now.

Make yourself into a ready princess. Remember my teaching about the coming purse ready? That’s what this is. Make yourself purse ready so that when your frog who will become your prince finds you, you have less to do and can roll with something a little scary more easily.

In Joy,

 

P.S  I cannot tell you the freedom I experienced when I STOPPED looking. I remember my good friend telling me how she’d enter every business conference and scope the room for “possibles” and “competition”. Exhausting. 

Can you still have an active online dating profile and not be looking? Yep. I’ve done that in my past. The not looking is an energy IN you that says, “I’m good with myself right now. I’m not MISSING something.” 

P.P.S. For those keeping track, this is the last blog before I marry MY P.R.I.N.C.E. this Saturday May 11th in South Australia. My actual fairy tale dream come true! I’m still very busy but I am getting covered in waves of the magic now! You CAN have want you want Alphas. Ask me. Only I’ll answer in June, because I’m not doing anything other than playing in Bali the rest of the month after my Big Day 🙂

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Alphas] Frogs vs. Princes: Kiss Your Darn Frog! Chapter 2 of 4 Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

[Alphas] Frogs vs. Princes: Kiss Your Darn Frog! Chapter 1 of 4


What You Can Learn From Fairy Tales

Brian Tracey taught you to swallow the frog. Well, I want you to Kiss it! Frogs vs Princes. Let’s talk. 

P.R.I.N.C.E.

Perfect Relationships or Investments Not Common Everywhere

F.R.O.G.

Frightening but Real Opportunity to Grow

Your F.R.O.G. can be a man, a job or something big and new that doesn’t look exactly like you want it to right NOW. I’ll teach Frogs for relationships and you apply it how you need it. 

Ready? Set? Go…


Know WHO You Want

Easiest way for you to understand the power of clarity is to look back in your own life when you were screwed over because someone else wasn’t clear.

I am finally in my Happily Ever After (H.E.A.) but I’ve had chances at one before. What’s different? Those men from the past weren’t clear on what they really wanted.

If they had been clear on what they really wanted, it would’ve been far easier for them to notice if I was actually it! 

Clarity on your P.R.I.N.C.E. gives: 

    1. Motivation to take action
    1. Others who can look for you
  1. The Universe a clear order to fill (create) 

Motivation to Take Action

Are you struggling to “go for it”? Clarity is recognition of what is valuable.

If you’re playing a video game and you need the magic blue sword to defeat the magic blue dragon, you keep your eye out for blue swords. You ignore green or yellow easy ones and go all in when you have a chance to get the blue. 

Clarity -> Recognition  -> NECESSARY Motivation -> Taking Action

Spotting your prince will require you to do the work (life lessons are required!) you’ve avoided. 

Others Can Look For You

When you are clear on what you really want, you can describe it easily enough that others can and will help you. The road to your P.R.I.N.C.E. may be bumpy and you’ll want company that understands your quest and aids you in it. The price for good help is that they can see YOUR vision too. 


The Universe Can Fill A Clear Order –

What is Your P.R.I.N.C.E. Like?

Drumroll…saved the best for last. Clarity actually creates your prince!

We live in the universe that response to us on a thought level. Our thoughts emotions and feelings turn into our actions.  All of that together creates and attracts things, opportunities and people into our lives.

When you get clear on what you want, it is just like placing an order with the Universe. It swings into action immediately (yes, I said immediately) to try to line up what you’ve just asked for.

A great example just popped into my head that I haven’t thought about for a while. Many years ago, I spent months chanting “I want to be cooking in the kitchen of a man who loves me at Christmas.”

Long story short? I absolutely did end up cooking in the kitchen of a man who loved me at Christmas. The catch? He didn’t want to KEEP loving me AFTER Christmas. 😉 You can’t make this stuff up.

I laughed and laughed as I realized I got exactly what I asked for and NO MORE. That brought me clarity that my P.R.I.N.C.E. was a man who CAN & WILL do his lessons (face his ego) so we could grow together. 

Clarity is what helps the Universe design your reality.

Our family company is civil construction and earthworks. I’ve literally seen people with hundred thousand dollar projects ask us to “just put the retaining wall somewhere near here“. Not good. 

We are MORE motivated to help build it for you when we know just what you want. 

The Universe is enthusiastic about building to your specifications – so get some specifications!

Note of Caution: You can do specifications right or wrong. Do your specifications out of love and happy desire not out of fear and control.

The more evolved you are, the more specific you can be without triggering negativity. If being specific gives you anxiousness, focus more on the feelings you want to have with your P.R.I.N.C.E. 

In Joy,

 

P.S  Be careful you aren’t using a PORN definition with your P.R.I.N.C.E. I’ve heard porn explained as “I can’t describe it but I know it when I see it!” That won’t work well. You should be able to describe what your perfect relationship or investment “looks like.”

I made a list and it was LONG and you know what? My P.R.I.N.C.E. has every last thing on it. Every last thing. Tony Robbins teaches this and also has piles of testimonials saying the same. (If you want help, ask. There are ways to make your list that work and ways that fail.)

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Alphas] Frogs vs. Princes: Kiss Your Darn Frog! Chapter 1 of 4 Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

[Tools] The Happily Ever After Handbook – Ch. 4: THE WORK


Ready to Do Your WORK?

I don’t think anyone else is teaching Happily Ever After‘s and if they are, they are shortchanging you by not giving you the hard parts.

The Hallmark Movie Channel would probably have me killed for releasing this material – which openly admits that there is WORK involved in a Happily Ever After. 

What work is involved? Whatever the hell you do NOT want to do most – that will pretty much be it. Guaranteed.


To Keep Your Happily Ever After You Need to Do Your WORK

I am using a very personal example to my life and my heart today. I’m sitting in a small café that I’ve never been to before. It is gorgeous and peaceful and I can hear bubbling water in the background. And…

I am exhausted.

Remember I told you if you want to keep your Happily Ever After, you need to do your work? Everybody has some work to do, even us Alpha Life Coaches.

The work it took to sort, donate, trash and pack my entire life (as a pack rat) to reach Australia was the biggest undertaking I’ve EVER done.

It took EVERY OUNCE of emotional reserves that I had. And I arrived in Australia kind of a fragile shell. 

I leaned heavily on my mate during this time because my own back ups were down. I came back to life but…

Imagine if you have a car and you leave the lights on all night, every night for three weeks. Eventually you don’t just drain the battery, you can damage it so that it doesn’t hold a charge the way it used to. 

Once I got here, I had a whole New World to adapt to, new friends and places and 1000 other logistics to deal with, including the planning of two weddings (US and Oz), and  the management of transporting my remaining worldly possessions 10,000 miles across the planet into my new home. 

I’m now under three weeks to my wedding, and fate has conspired to have my container with everything I own arrive one month late, so I go 3 hrs to get it Friday! This is during the time when I am working hard on my spouse visa application (let’s just say that’s so hard that even as a 21 year lawyer it’s stressful) and finishing planning my May 11th wedding that I just started working on ~2 months ago. 

I’m sharing this with you so you can see a real life example of a lesson that I need to do to protect and nurture my happily ever after.


Your Mind WON’T Like Your Lesson

I have been leaning ever more heavily on my wonderful soulmate and he’s been pushing himself to give me the emotional support I need to keep recharging my battery – which isn’t holding a charge the way it used to.

Please note, part of HIS lesson is learning to give better emotional support – but what is MY lesson right now?

My lesson is in doing the HARDEST thing available, which is the recognition that, even though I spent all of my emotional capital for our relationship, I am STILL 100% responsible for putting my own battery back to level.

Ouch right? It’s the Alpha rescue fantasy. Isn’t this Alpha owed an “even up”? No. Our base, level emotional charge is ALWAYS our responsibility. Always. No matter how, why or WHO we used it on!

I literally caught myself and noticed just today – after a heartfelt prayer – that I needed to aggressively take time out to recharge MY OWN batteries. It’s my responsibility to recharge my batteries REGARDLESS of the NOBLE reason why I expended them. Regardless of who or what else needs me – see the hard part?

Your WORK is Always YOURS

On the eve of my marriage to a man who feels like the other part of my soul, when I have another seemingly impossible set of simultaneous tasks, I have to make sure I’m not wanting HIM to fill me up to ‘level’. His job is only my extra, my overflow! In other words, I have to fill in the hole I had to dig to reach him!

My Lesson – My admission to my Happily Ever After? To happily resume full responsibly for my own happiness until I’ve restored my own battery health to pre-move levels.

(I actually suspect Alphas do this same battery depletion in pregnancy/huge crisis and don’t notice that they are charging a debt to their spouse that is NOT his.)

I shared this with you to let you know that you are capable of determining what your lesson is it any moment. The only question iswill you do your hard shit?

I depleted myself doing nearly impossible things to make my time frame to get here.

I NOW NEED TO PAY MYSELF BACK WITH INTEREST 🙂

Once I do that, I can use my battery again safely. And I will need a full charge over these next weeks.

Do your work. If your work is scary or frightening or counter-intuitive or kind of looks impossible – then you are on the right track. 

The “cost” of our Happily Ever Afters is not cheap but it is always worth it.

I’ve done 80% of my lesson simply by recognizing the lesson and feeling the relief that I know WHAT to do next and that I am WILLING to do it. 

I’ve already begun…and a white butterfly came to my corner of this garden as I wrote this.

If you are willing to believe, and you are willing to support others, and you are willing to recognize when your miracle begins and do the work for it to continue – you too have a Happily Ever After. 

In Joy,

 

P.S  If you feel guilty while topping yourself back up…remind yourself that until YOU return your own battery to full health, you are less use to others. And NO one can do your work FOR YOU 🙂

The very safest way to get a Happily Ever After or any kind of miracle is be willing to do your work. Much like self-made millionaires often say they were willing to put in 70+ hour weeks (my mate did), be willing to do what he calls the “hard yards”. The emotional work where you fight and gain a foot. Scratch and get another meter and do that the whole way if need be.  Your reward will make your work seem inconsequential every time

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Tools] The Happily Ever After Handbook – Ch. 4: THE WORK Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

[Tools] The Happily Ever After Handbook – Ch. 3


Do you CLAIM the miracles (Happily Ever Afters) sent to YOU?

It’s real, H.E.A.s happen (BELIEVE IN THEM). Cheering for other’s H.E.A.s accelerates yours happening to YOU (SUPPORT THEM). 

“I believe Tanya! And I encourage people whose good has found them…”

Ahh, but do you CLAIM the miracles (Happily Ever Afters) sent to YOU?

Everyone does this backwards. They are only on board once the miracle has happened and is “done and dusted” as my mate says. That’s too late! 

Today we’ll learn WHY you must CLAIM your Miracle or HEA (same thing).

Next week I’ll teach you HOW to claim your Happily Ever After 😊 It’s a long post because you struggle with this. 


Notice When a Miracle BEGINS, Not ENDS

Do you know when people realize they are were happy? AFTER HAPPINESS STOPS.

Do you know when people call something a miracle? AFTER IT HAS FULLY COMPLETED.

Problem? You can mess up a miracle just like you can mess up a H.E.A.

The most common way you mess up your H.E.A. is to NOT RECOGNIZE it as it begins. You have to claim your miracle has commenced. You have to say, holy cow dung, this is it! It’s starting! It’s mine! 

Why do you have to notice? Because H.E.A. recognition MOTIVATES you to go ALL IN to do whatever lesson you have been avoiding. If you do that work, your H.E.A. continues. If not, it fizzles.

The whole point of a H.E.A. is not to delight you (sorry Pumpkin!) it’s to GROW you! It’s to unite you with the person, place or thing that will cause you to shift in favor of expansion, love and more-ness. If you are unwilling to DO that, you don’t get to keep one.

People who are in the “I’ll believe it when I see it” camp get FEWER miracles and H.E.A.s. because they doubt it all the way through. Their doubt tells them not to risk, not to invest, not to go all in. 

If you are only willing to cheer for the parting of the Red Sea after it’s parted and everyone you like is safe – you are too late.

Want to hit Jedi level? Notice, cheer for and change position for your miracle BEFORE it begins. That is deep faith and it’s tricky. Happily, that level is not required here. Simultaneous recognition or just as things begin will work just fine. 


Miracles & Happily Ever Afters Start Like Newborns

We love CERTAINTY. And Alphas love CONTROL. That’s why we miss out on soo many H.E.A.s!

A H.E.A. has no certainty and you don’t have control. (See the lessons just in THAT!) Here’s the harsh truth – we smother our miracles. We stamp them out like a flower growing somewhere we didn’t PUT it.

We don’t recognize it’s a flower and we step on it. We don’t recognize that something amazing is being born and that means it’s small and fragile and needs OUR help. 

“Wait..What the H?! Tanya, did you just tell me that a miracle requires US to do stuff??” Uh, YES!

God and free will remember? You claiming that something special just began is the first part of your work. Your willingness to DO your avoided lesson is the second half. 

Yes, you will doubt your true mate!  Why doesn’t anyone tell us this? H.E.A. doesn’t mean certainty, it means YOU CLAIM WHAT YOU RECOGNIZE.  If you claim this is a H.E.A., you will treat those doubts like invaders and unwelcome viruses. You starve them of your attention and belief which can change your outcome. 

Does that mean every time you call something a H.E.A. it is? Nope. But here is the secret: 

If you THINK it is, you will go all in and end up learning what you were supposed to learn, so when it is FINALLY your real H.E.A., you are ready.

Read that again. NO H.E.A. is a total false alarm! They all serve a purpose (usually to get you off your butt and in motion doing what you were avoiding). 

Want extra credit? Read what I’ve taught about Expectations here. Your expectations at the START that something IS a H.E.A., influences your outcome. 

Stop being a scaredy-cat and claim that H.E.A. as it starts to give it the best chance of continuing…

In Joy,

 

P.S  Here is a flower blooming where I didn’t plant it. It’s my very first tomato plant. It is growing in the driest state, on the driest continent in the world (South Australia where I live). It’s growing from tomato seeds we washed out of our lunch plates.

It’s clearly an Alpha Tomato Plant as it’s growing under the WATER TAP at a construction company.  It is my MIRACLE. I wanted free tomatoes! (They cost $4.45/lb – $8.90/kg here)

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Tools] The Happily Ever After Handbook – Ch. 2 Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon