Author:Alexis Cabral

[Clarity] Counter-Intuitive Life Changer #4: Hard Work is Suspicious


Counter-Intuitive Life Changers: Hard Work is Suspicious
Irony: Me having a day full of hard work and struggle on the day I am to write this post.
Let’s go for two truths immediately
Truth Number One: You have to be able to make yourself work hard when it’s appropriate.
Truth Number Two: Hard work is NOT always appropriate. In fact, it’s appropriate way less than you think.
World Says:
Hard work will guarantee success
Alpha Life Coach Teaches:
If it’s ALWAYS hard work, you’re going the wrong way.


You aren’t scared of hard work-you’re just addicted to it

When an Alpha encounters something not working or going according to her plan, she pushes harder. She works harder. She puts in more.

Relationship troubles? She’ll read MORE books, watch MORE seminars, try to have longer deeper conversations, spend even MORE time analyzing the crap out of the situation in her own head and with her girlfriends.

We have been wired by society and our families to believe the answer to any problem is to simply add more of the ingredient of work.

Pop quiz: is this working for anyone??

I didn’t think so (didn’t work for me…).

Please go back and review my earlier trainings on Resistance Series #1Resistance Series #2Resistance Series #3, and Resistance Series #4

They will tell you about how resistance (Which is another word for hard work) is often a signal that you’re going to wrong way or picked the wrong thing. 

Why is this true? Let’s follow these truths statements and come to their logical conclusion.

Truth: your purpose is blessed and assisted by God.

Truth: God/The Universe wants your joy and your success and therefore WANT your purpose to work. (Easier translation-God does not want something and then thwart the doing of it.)

Truth: if God wants you to succeed and God is love, God would not test or thwart your purpose by making it unnecessarily hard.

Conclusion: you have free will, and if your Path is unnecessarily hard, it is because you have chosen the unnecessarily hard path.

So what I’m telling you, is when you’re working really hard on something and struggling with it, question it. Question whether you’re going the right way. You should consider hard work, especially sustained hard work, to be per se suspicious.


What You Value, You Ask For

In order to break yourself of the habit of hard work, you’ll have to stop valuing it as highly as you do.

You actually measure a lot of your achievements by how HARD they were to get-not by the achievement itself.

What does that say about a miracle? What does that say when someone just gives you something out of the kindness of their heart? 

Those things actually don’t get valued the same way by you, because they didn’t come with all of that valiant struggle. When a good man loves you without struggle, what do you do??

You have to stop praising valiant struggle.

You have to stop looking back in your life and giving yourself so much credit for the mountain that you climbed, uphill, both ways in the snow. Rather, you might want to ask, if you looked around to see if a helicopter was available.

What you praise, you attract.

What you praise, you prefer.

What you praise, you demand.

Be very careful that you’re praising unnecessary hard work.

Today I was doing some hard work, because I found a mess that kept expanding and I had to fix it and I didn’t want to. I was struggling.

And I viewed it as suspicious. The real reason I was struggling is because of my unspoken feelings about how I was placed in that situation-not the work.

In the past, I simply would’ve pulled on my “I’m a bad ass hat” and dug in. In my current life, I had to stop and question how I had attracted this situation and what I needed to do to NOT get it again.

My hard work was suspicious!

I saw my lesson and I know the project will get Magically easier now.

My lesson was to speak my discomfort knowing it would hurt another. (Always taking punches for weaker folks does not make them stronger.) Done. 

In Joy,

 

P.S  You can be addicted to the story you get to tell after you’ve done all of the ridiculous hard work. Watch out for that! Now I like to tell stories of accomplishment WITHOUT the story of the “…oh but THEN I had to…”.

Periodic push is okay. Sustained pushing is a no-no, just like in labor. 

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Clarity] Counter-Intuitive Life Changer #4: Hard Work is Suspicious Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon

[Clarity] Counter-Intuitive Life Changer #2: Trust Ain’t Earned


Earning Trust is Like Earning Love – Icky
Oh, how you love to be RIGHT about somebody doing you WRONG!
How many stories do you hear about giving somebody a second chance and it ALL works out wonderfully?? Yeah. Pretty much none.
But how many stories do you hear like…she took him back and then… He. Did. It… Again!
World Says:
Trust must be Earned
Alpha Life Coach Teaches:
Trust is Given or Not. “Earning Trust” is a set up.


3 Big Problems With “Earning” Trust

There are three main problems with trust being earned, rather than given:

#1 – Your Doubt Taints Your Expectations

#2 – Everybody Hates a Test

#3 – Our Brains are Designed to Prove us Right, Not Happy

Number 1 – Your Doubt Taints Your expectations 

You stay focused on the “wrong” as you compare their current performance to the original transgression. That means you keep thoughts of the transgression active in your attention and energy. Guess what that attracts? Law is like to like.

Expectations create your world and this focus makes you expect the worst.

Number 2 – Everybody Hates a Test

Resentment fuels their ego and makes it HARDER to do what you want. Their focus is the frustration of not being believed that they’ve changed. Frustration is negative energy and does NOT SUPPORT KEEPING THEM IN THEIR NEW, POSITIVE CHANGE. Get it?

Number 3 – Our Brains are Designed to Prove Us Right, Not Happy

That means that your head will be MORE alert to signs that the trust is being breached again to keep you “safe” v.s. spotting evidence that things are going well this time. It will search for, magnify and insist on finding evidence that our current theory (that they are an untrustworthy ass) is still true. This is called Confirmation Bias.

If being right is what your subconscious wants, it will MAKE it happen.


Tanya, What Do I Do?

Easy. Trust them or don’t. Do not engage in probation periods that will trigger all 3 of the above and make it MORE likely you’ll be hurt again.

After spending more than 2 decades around high-conflict divorce, I’ve seen too many couples do infidelity wrong. (And yes, it was more often the man doing the physical cheating and the woman doing “emotional” cheating.)

If you want the relationship to work, decide you want it and trust him from this moment forward. That reduces the doubts which tamper with expectations that create your reality. It takes away the resentment of the fallen. And it stops you from becoming the woman who can’t let her man run to the store to grab milk without timing him (yes, that happened).

If you are wrong, you’ll be wrong and you’ll be hurt- but your being able to say you thought it wouldn’t work all along should NOT be the comfort you seek.

Bonus: Giving trust (or not) lightens your energetic load. Decide Alphas. Important decisions, long deferred, lead to overwhelm.

When you half-trust (that is what you do when someone is “earning” it), you don’t forgive AT ALL, so you still carry the pain.  When you half-trust, you CANNOT FEEL loved. Love is not FELT in the absence of trust, not even Mother’s love (sorry Alphas). 

Love as its deepest is safety and surrender. Neither of these can you do while half-trusting. And loving where you know you are not safe is self-destructive. So long as you cannot give full trust, you cannot feel FULL love. Hey, GUESS WHO YOU’LL BLAME FOR NO LONGER FEELING LOVED?? Earning trust is a trap.

It is not the fault of the person who wounded you, it is YOU giving a half measure and blocking yourself from being able to FEEL a full measure, if it’s there. 

You want a shot at feeling the full love? Give full love (full trust).

In Joy,

 

P.S  I  know this one is hard Alphas. You are so scared of being hurt again. Abandoned again. I was too. When you become a loving trusting person, you are NOT made a target by the Universe. I promise. You begin to get more and more of what you are.

Tanya Stewart is “The Alpha Woman Coach” and began coaching strong women as a Divorce lawyer in her own high conflict law firm 20 years ago. She understands how Alpha women are wired and using her Master’s level Metaphysics background and Advanced Clinical Certification in Hypnotherapy, she brings rapid change to people she works with. 

She is a speaker, published author and Mensa member whose coaching is recommended by the World-Famous Motivator, Les Brown, Best-Selling Love Coach Greg Baer and International Change Expert, Dr. Eldon Taylor. She can teach you to separate struggle from success. 

ALL My videos are always on my Vimeo channel HERE 

Find Even More on the Resources page of the website: 

www.FearlessFocusCoaching.com/Resources

[Clarity] Counter-Intuitive Life Changer #2: Trust Ain’t Earned Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn StumbleUpon