[Focus Mag ] One Path to Happiness (Or How I Got Off Drugs)
I’m happy and pretty consistently happy now that I’ve stopped using. What drug you ask? One of the most powerful out there, completely unregulated and street legal – Approval. Some Alpha’s like to deny it but we LOVE approval, respect, gratitude.
How do we GET approval? Like every other drug out there. We buy it. With ourselves. We use the currency of our time, our choices, our free will, our love and even our bodies to get that next (hit) feeling that another person thinks we are “good, lovable, needed, important or worth it.”
Our brains (quick summary) work in a chemical soup and manufacture drugs responsive to our experiences.
We get literally addicted to the chemical mix that is created by feeling “approval” and we go into actual withdrawal without it. (i.e. Bad break up? Can’t eat. Can’t sleep. Can’t focus. Crying all the time. Brain fog. Sounds a lot like withdrawal from a drug doesn’t it? I didn’t eat for 2 days once & didn’t NOTICE.)
Caroline Myss – Author & Teacher of
Spirituality and Medical Intuition
“When you do not seek or need external approval…You are at your most powerful.”
Today’s TRAINING: Happiness
When I asked God what I was to train you on this week, I was staring out my window. It was gray and wet and a little cool and I felt happy. And it clicked. I didn’t have any particular reason to be happy – I’m just happy. And that’s when I knew what I had to teach on today.
I’m going to share with you what I think is the secret to my almost continual happiness. Want that? Good.
Why am I continually happy? Answer: I fired people as my source and got a job working for God.
Let’s unpack that. For my entire life, people have been my source for everything. For my food, my money, my love, my approval, physical happiness, emotional happiness, spiritual direction – safety, fun, everything.
I viewed them as “the source” of all the good things and of course the source of all the bad things.
That pretty much meant that I was working for people. People were my employer and could tell me what to do, tell me when I wasn’t good enough, fire me and terrify me by threatening my security.
Your “Source” Becomes Your “Dealer” Like an Addict
It’s really easy to see if you look at the behavior of an addict with their dealer. The person that’s addicted to the drugs that the dealer gives them, does what the dealer says. They PAY whatever price the dealer sets. If the price goes up, they complain but they PAY. If the dealer adds in crazy extra conditions, they complain, but they COMPLY.
Eventually, if the situation gets too terrible, the person goes and looks for… Wait for it… A new dealer! They don’t go seek to get OFF of their drug or break their addiction – they just switch to a different SOURCE for their drug!
Just like everybody else – I had my addictions. My particular addictions of choice were the standard Alpha favorites, approval and security (read: please don’t leave me). I had a core abandonment wound if you recall.
So I spent my life dancing for my drug. Trying to figure out how to please my many dealers, so I could ensure a continuous supply of the highest grade approval (praise, love) I could get my hands on.
I went through phases searching for the “GOOD” dealer. Once I was the sports, jock girl because that worked for those dealers. Once I was the nerd sci-fi girl – because that worked for those dealers. I was always Superwoman the Rescuer, lots of dealers there. And I definitely tried out the spiritual dealers too.
I’m a Mensa member – so I even tried the look at me, I’m a genius, can I have my love now? What’s that? I’m too loud and too bouncy and too into God? Ok, I’ll tone that down to make YOU more comfortable.
I didn’t have relationships, I had continuous ‘auditions’ to keep being the ONE side of me that they most wanted to see. The ONE side they were willing to feed & keep supplying their drug to.
But it always fails. It. Always. Failed.
And in the case of the guy that tried to kill me – I’m going to call that an “epic failure.”
So what changed Tanya?
Me. I fired my dealers. People. I had an epiphany that I realized that people are not my source – God is my source. People are only channels for Source.
They are like irrigation ditches that come from the fresh, clean water to feed my fields so my harvest grows.
If a single channel gets blocked – I get another one because God makes his own channels. I add the channels that I can see to build, but I don’t determine which channel gets used to send that life-giving freshwater to my fields.
Once I really got it (as in, I changed my subconscious beliefs on this) that people were not my source, I truly believed my money didn’t come from a person or a client. I stopped worrying about the behaviors of people. And I stopped needing them to approve of me, so I was freed to do what I really wanted to do and what I was really CALLED to do.
Get a Job with God
I started viewing myself as an employee of God. If you talk to me directly, you’ve probably heard me say it at some point – I work for God.
No person has the authority to fire me – because they are no longer my boss or my dealer. They can’t change the terms on me, because they are no longer my boss or my dealer. They can’t deprive me of anything or threaten me with anything because they are not my boss or my dealer anymore.
I now believe this freedom is responsible for my near continual happiness. You see, when you’re an employee, if the office runs out of staples, do you panic? No. You ask the supply clerk and when you next look, there are just staples there for you – as if by magic!
When you are an employee – if you hit a problem that’s too big for you, you go back to your employer. You say, help me! And you don’t worry about whether they’re GOING to help you. OF COURSE, they’re going to help you, because you work for them. You’re doing their work. You’re helping them. So of course, they help you.
Look at your life right now and imagine the things that are bothering you. Now, how many of them are because a person isn’t loving you the way you want them to, not appreciating something you are doing or not keeping their word to help you? If you didn’t need any of that, how much easier would it be to be happy?
Florence Scovel Shinn is a master teacher for me. It is from her teachings that I distill this essence:
My happiness is secured because I don’t need another single person on the planet to change in order for me to be happy.
I do not need a different president. I do not need my friends to do better. I do not need a client to respond faster. I do not need my Mother to be kind. I do not need my Alpha Mate to find me faster.
It is a state of allowing. And remember total allowing is unconditional love. In this state, you do not require the approval of other people. If they do approve of me, wonderful. If they don’t, that’s okay too.
To my Alphas who are moms, you have heard people say you should not seek to be your child’s friend. I’ll teach it this way, you should not seek your child’s approval because that makes your children your DEALER and it continues the cycle for them once they are adults.
They will become either the addict seeking approval (love) or the Dealer, withholding it for “payment.” Love then becomes something you EARN. Happily, this cycle is breakable.
There may be many paths to getting to where I am and I wanted to share mine with you. I fired people as my source. I literally do not see a person as the source of my income.
This has made me SO much more generous than I have ever been in my entire life. I can give to anyone and everyone because I’m not looking for any one of them to “pay me back “and give back to me.
I don’t judge or weigh what I receive from people against what I gave to those people – because it doesn’t matter- because they’re not my source.
I gladly accept what is given to me, because whatever is given to me is arriving through channels that the Universe has picked out. I stopped telling the Universe which channels to use! I build my channels as best as I can, but I don’t insist that God uses them! I surrendered.
If ever it looks like I’m shorted on something from a person – I notice that channel is blocked and ask God to make up the flow wherever HE wants.
I literally work for God. I consider myself one of his best employees. Not because I’m perfect – you still can find me in pajamas at 2 PM on a Saturday working up to starting my day! But because I am radically available, following my trust and using my voice to share my love.
It doesn’t matter what name you put on your Source. God. Jesus. Nature. Universe. Muhammad. Goddess.
It matters that you see yourself working directly for your Source and not for people. That you fire all of your dealers.
Dr. Wayne Dyer said a worthy goal is to be independent of the “good opinion” of other people. I finally get that!
It’s nice when you love me but I don’t need you to. And you feel ever so much MORE loved around ME – because I don’t need anything from you.
You feel free to be who you are, wherever you are in your journey. My acceptance of you feels so good to you, that you actually treat me better now than you ever did in my past!
My Source asked me to tell you why I’m happy because maybe it will help you head in this direction too.
I love you.
In Joy (& Happiness),
Please read Florence Scovel Shinn’s The Game of Life and How to Play It. I own a 1927 7th Edition of it.
It is most often in a book with her other 3 works. And trust me, you’ll want to start book 2 about 3 minutes after you finish the first one!
It was her book that began my daily bible readings. I was intimidated by her use of bible quotes when I first read the book.
She taught me that the word “Lord” in the bible can be read as the word “Law”, as in the Universe’s Laws. THAT one tweak changed my whole life. I now have no resistance to the word Lord, but I used to! (Catholic school: Kindergarten to High School).
Here’s a link to get it on Kindle for 0.99 for the first book.
Look around you until you find a “dealer” in your life. Fire them. That is NOT a conversation, because it has nothing to do with THEM. It is you in your head deciding that you won’t die if this person takes back their love, approval or praise of you. Figure out how to fill your own gas tank so you are not looking for and dependent upon others to “fill you up.” If being alone is uncomfortable, you have a dealer somewhere that you turn to (and a dealer can be food, shopping, working or actual drugs) to give you a “hit” to lift you. Just notice it and notice how you are behaving to court favor with your dealer. Awareness precedes change.
You’ve heard it, “Happiness is an Inside Job.” When your happiness is tied to the external you become enslaved to the source of that external. You literally worship a false God. The Universe wants you to turn within and see how wonderfully you were designed – to be happy now, without condition. That means, in general, it’s the Universe’s job to periodically threaten external sources of your happiness (read: bring a life lesson). That is so you drop your total reliance upon the unreliable to seek safety within yourself. Yoda called it. He said: “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”
Going really deep – Seek Ye First the Kingdom of God and his Righteousness and ALL things will be Added up to you. The kingdom is within you. If you seek first outside of you, outside of truth, then things get removed from you.
Once you don’t need the THINGS to be happy, then things get sent TO YOU and those things GET TO STAY.
Wow, Did You Hear?
Nicole, A Client Says…
“I was surprised with Nicole’s words on my Facebook feed 2 days ago! —Tanya”
“This lady right here is someone very special! Who knew sitting together through all those classes at SFHS (St.Francis High School), we’d be here today? Tanya thank you so much for all you do!! Working with you the past year has helped me make changes I’ve been looking to make for a long time, you truly are a life purpose catalyst! I appreciate you, I love you and I look forward to the best 2017 ever!!
Anyone looking for life/business coach talk to Nathania Stewart right now!! Whatever you put your mind to you can do, I’m sure, but Tanya will help you make that happen way faster. Her incredibly diverse toolbox of talent and no bullshit approach is nothing short of perfect – she’s the REAL DEAL. She is a former attorney and Mensa member and has coached the highly respected motivational speaker and author Les Brown who describes her as a dynamo. She will kick your ass (in a good way) and for that, I’m very grateful. Thanks love!!”
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